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Overall Rating
3.03

Awesome27.27%
Worth A Look: 18.18%
Average: 9.09%
Pretty Bad: 21.21%
Total Crap: 24.24%

1 review, 60 user ratings


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Pretty Woman
[AllPosters.com] Buy posters from this movie
by Chris Parry

"Prostitute goes shopping."
2 stars

The 90's was a sad decade for humanity. While citizens of the former Yugoslavia were engaging in genocide and torture, we were out in Kuwait defending our right to fill the SUV. When kids were shooting each other in schools, we put metal detectors at the school door rather than ban the guns. And when Julia Roberts played a prostitute and Richard Gere fell in love with that prostitute, we all went "aaaaaw, she has a funny laugh, isn't she sweet?" Clearly the apocalypse couldn't be far off as young girls around America emptied from schools and took to the street-corners in tribute of their new hero - a hooker that gets to marry the rich guy and buy stuff.

So yeah. Julia gives blowjobs for bucks. She wears slutty clothes and a bad blonde wig and handles the genitals of middle-aged men that can't get any without saving up for it. Meanwhile, Richard is rich (delicious!) and, in a Hugh Grant-like fit of unexplainable behavior, decides he wants a little skanky street-tang. Slutty Skanky Julia, meet Sleazy Rich Dick.

And that's pretty much the whole story. Oh sure, we see Julia's softer side (no, not her ass, her human side) and every time she gives her big teeth laugh and puts those snotty rich people in their place, we feel closer and closer to her, but let's get a little something straight people... SHE'S A HOOKER!

She gives blowjobs for money. Why? To put herself through medical school? To pay for a crack habit? No, apparently Julia gives blowjobs for money because it eventually leads to a sophisticated businessman deciding to play My Fair Lady with her, buy her a few hundred grand worth of Rodeo Drive-wear, and eventually ask her to be Mrs Rich Bastard.

Yeah, yeah, I can hear middle America rushing to defend Julia as I type this. Yes, I understand it's a romantic comedy, but when did the words "romantic" and "hooker" ever exist in the same sentence? Let's face it, if your little brother Earl came home with a spandex-wearing girl who calls herself Telulah and boasts that she can make "phat green" on the corner of Main and 22nd, you're kicking little bro in the nuts and calling the cops on Miss Thang. You don't care if she has a heart of gold, nor do you care if she has a "sassy attitude", she's a whore, and she better start walking and not touch the silverware on her way out.

That is, unless she's Julia Roberts. If she's Julia Roberts, she could blow six junkies on your porch, eat some acid with your little sister, piss on your grandmother's roses and set fire to your underwear drawer... but it's okay, she's Julia Roberts.

And this is where Garry Marshall always gets it wrong. He creates storylines that make no sense, in any way shape or form, where we're supposed to empathize and sympathize with his leads even though they're the most dire, unsympathetic bastards that you'd normally throw rocks at, but then he saves the day by casting Julia Roberts.

See, no matter what, everyone loves Julia. It basically comes down to half the audience wanting to see her naked and the other half wanting to be her. I admit, I'd buy a ticket to see her naked. But only at matinee prices.

Richard Gere, throughout this entire film, has a look on his face that I NEED to wipe off. The smug bastard knows he's got half the dimwitted women of America wet and you can see it in every damn scene. He's thinking, "Yeah, I'm hot." I wish him death by snugly-placed guppy.

But let's not forget the one thing that can save this movie from a hundred years of audience vomiting. Pretty Woman co-stars... get ready to laugh... Jason Alexander! Dude! It's Costanza! Funny! Comedy! Hilarity!

Hardly.

Look, I can stick my head in neutral as well as anyone and just zone out during a harmless rom-com, but when my intelligence is disregarded, nay insulted, I take offence. Julia Roberts, deep down in her heart and soul, knows that she glamorized the job of whore to a generation of young women. She got her thirty pieces of silver so she's probably pretty happy with the result, but for those of us who are prone to question things that don't seem right, we simply blink, look to those watching with us and say, "Okay, what, am I supposed to cheer for the hooker because her John bought her a Mink? Pass the beer nuts."

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=2378&reviewer=1
originally posted: 06/26/02 20:54:15
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User Comments

2/02/10 PAUL SHORTT PLENTY SAPPY AND UNREALISTIC BUT ALSO AN AMUSING AND DYSFUNCTIONALLY ROMANTIC CHARMER 3 stars
4/03/09 Dane Youssef Sweet, light and frothy. As delicate and innocent as a little girl. And surprisingly sharp. 4 stars
12/29/08 TreeTiger Hollywoods homage to whoring... 1 stars
10/30/08 Nikki Chase I loved it! 5 stars
2/09/08 mike lee a very slick and totally enjoyable film 5 stars
1/26/08 Pamela White cute but doesn't fly for me 3 stars
2/17/07 MP Bartley You gotta love the cock sucking whores, don't you? 2 stars
7/15/06 David Cohen Prostitution isn't ugly, and a credit card means love. Yeah, I can get into that, sure 2 stars
6/08/06 Peggy Doty good movie 5 stars
5/13/06 Jeannie still love watching it 4 stars
2/24/06 ES Seen worse 3 stars
2/08/06 Kate I wouldn't be so hard on it, there wern't many jobs in G.H.Bush's America. 4 stars
12/28/05 asf as bad as "when harry..." is good. stupidest thing i've ever seen and i like rom-coms 1 stars
12/23/05 cody a great movie with sexy juila roberts and her hunk richard ,the 1 romantic comedy 4 stars
12/05/05 Hope Woolman gayest movie I have seen yet 1 stars
9/24/05 Michael Makes The Heart Happy 4 stars
2/22/05 Heather I loved the movie!! I think that it teaches not only morality!! 5 stars
12/05/04 Kristina Williams overrated shit 1 stars
8/19/04 courtney Gere is great as well as julia , its my fell good movie and heck im only 14 a must see 5 stars
8/19/04 Peter B. Unrealistic but charming! 5 stars
8/06/04 Anthony G richard gear is a fruit 2 stars
6/15/04 T. Maj Does Garry Marshall live in the real world? 1 stars
5/24/04 Tina Cooper Unrealistic movie 2 stars
5/24/04 Ray Pretty good 5 stars
12/31/03 mercie its a clean classic!!!! i loveeee gere 5 stars
10/03/03 Bob Smith its an okay movie 4 stars
7/26/03 3man Blah! This is a chick flick. 2 stars
6/17/03 Erin I love Pretty Woman. It's a classic! 5 stars
5/07/03 leroyjones shes hot...thats it...i will never ever watch it again even if julia herself asked me to.. 1 stars
3/01/03 Monique found the review to be HILARIOUS, still, this is my guilty pleasure! 5 stars
10/16/02 Charles Tatum STDs and AIDS be damned, ho's need love too 1 stars
8/09/02 CB Why women love this is beyond me! Hooker finds a rich guy to glom from ! How romantic. 2 stars
7/31/02 TLsmooth Why god, why? 1 stars
6/28/02 Roy Smith A piece of 100% shit, OZ was far too gentle. 1 stars
6/27/02 the Grinch Oz, the voice the reason... 2 stars
6/26/02 Kilmore Trout Decidedly crappy. What are we telling people? That hookers are sweet? 2 stars
6/13/02 R.W. Welch Not very believable despite competent work all around. 3 stars
5/29/02 Monster W. Kung Stomp this movie, take a dump on it and set it on fire. You'll be a better person. 1 stars
3/31/02 Marcia Lartz Julia Roberts, best Oscar nominee of 1990, was miserably robbed! 4 stars
3/21/02 Vanessa Hi, I am sorry to disturb you, but I need your help. I am going to make a prom dress and a 5 stars
1/21/02 Kiminator Romance at its best. Leaves a smile on your face. My all-time favorite movie! 5 stars
1/06/02 Andrew Carden What's Supposed To Be A Romantic Comedy, Is Really A Crappy Bore. 1 stars
12/03/01 Reini Urban Roberts best. 4 stars
11/29/01 Mimi Absolutely awesome movie. The unrealistic aspect of the movie is what made it so fabulous. 5 stars
11/12/01 Gracy Lionheart The movie doesn't flow that well. I still like it better than the modern romantic comedy. 3 stars
10/15/01 cari stephens i loved this movie! i thought it was great. 4 stars
8/29/01 Sarah Horribly based on fantasy.Hookers falling for rich clients, only in overhyped movies. 1 stars
6/12/01 bat girl i loved the movie 5 stars
4/24/01 Spetters I was in love with Julia for a long time, because of this film!! 5 stars
3/25/01 Monster W. Kung Two of the worst actors ever in an over-hyped piece of crap. 1 stars
3/08/01 Sanja good story, but how many millioners wants to marry a hooker? 4 stars
2/06/01 Doug A hilarious film with heart to make you sad. Julia Roberts makes the film! 5 stars
1/14/01 Avenger Girl Most boring film even seen. Even worse than Gone With The Wind. Total SHITE, SHITE, SHITE 1 stars
12/14/00 Dee It was a great movie!! A classic! 5 stars
8/29/00 Monday Morning After seeing Julia's body in Erin Brockovich I'd hire her hooker character in two shakes.. 4 stars
5/20/00 Elvisfan Has some vaule but not much; Hector helps & so does Gere underplaying for once 3 stars
2/06/00 Kyle Broflovski Duh duh duh dum... Okay, it was pretty damn good. Can I go now??? 4 stars
1/09/00 John Markham Full of shallow characters. Extremely dated nonsense! 1 stars
11/03/99 Britney What's wrong with you people?! It was a very good movie! I love Richard Gere! 5 stars
10/27/99 Pat Lawlor Gosh what fun it is to be a hooker! The worst movie ever made... 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  02-Mar-1990 (R)
  DVD: 30-Aug-2005

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