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Overall Rating
2.56

Awesome: 17.95%
Worth A Look: 5.13%
Average: 7.69%
Pretty Bad53.85%
Total Crap: 15.38%

2 reviews, 27 user ratings


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Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth
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by the Grinch

"Smellraiser."
2 stars

Well, this one was the slippery slope, was it not? Some decent special effects, some choice dialogue from Pinhead, and beautiful actresses Terry Ferrell and Paula Marshall just couldn't make up for a script the writers of C.H.I.P.S. would laugh at, bad acting, Cenobites that make mix drinks, and a Motorhead video with Lemmie and Pinhead facing off on the dancefloor!

I shit you not about the Motorhead video. It happened. I saw it. I'd like to say it was perhaps an absinthe-induced nightmare, a figment of my fat head, but sadly, it was not. As if Chris Young's great soundtrack work needed any embellishment, some studio genius deemed it necessary to throw a shitty Motorhead track or two in for good measure. In case you've ever wondered why Motorhead only had one hit song, watch this movie as a reminder.

I will now attempt to lower your I.Q. a few dozen points by recapping the premise of Hellraiser III.

Pinhead is miraculously resurrected from his destruction in the previous Hellbound: Hellraiser II. This is all well and good, but some sort of explanation would've been nice. But nope, it's just full steam ahead, as a TV reporter (Farrell) discovers the puzzlebox in the hands of a mutilated ER patient, whose girlfriend leads her to the scummy nightclub owner responsible for unleashing it. Yep, it's another one of those Hollywood nightclubs where the bartender doesn't look like he'd give you hepatitis, there's about 50 skantily clad models employed to dance in cages, the decor is second only to the Louvre, and the clubowner lives in a posh bungalow above said nightclub. Of course, the whole point of the nightclub is as a setting for the stage version of 'Nightmare on Hellraiser Street', where dozens of club patrons are massacred in ridiculously gorey and amusing manners. If you loved the party scene from Wishmaster, this is right up your alley. Unfortunately, the cheesy humor doesn't make up for a lame-ass irrelevant flashback scene to Terry's vietnam veteran father (what does this have to do with the movie? War is hell, no duh!), the ghost of Pinhead's human self Captain Elliot Spenser and his mumbo-jumbo advice to Reporter Terry, and some of the lamest one-liners and supernatural foes since Matt Damon and Ben Affleck got out of each others' asses in DOGMA. Terry's cameraman becomes a Cenobite for some reason, and one with a VIDEOCAMERA in his head to boot! "TIME FOR YOUR CLOSE-UP!" he growls. "THAT'S A WRAP!" he scowls. If only the same could've been said for this sucky sequel. The DJ of the Nightclub becomes, TA-DA! - CDHEAD, a Cenobite with a CD PLAYER implanted in his mouth which he uses 'I Come in Peace'-style to throw sharpened CD's at his victims. Hey, I wonder if he has anti-skip protection? What would the RIAA say? Paula Marshall's character becomes a chain-smoking cenobite with a menthol tracheotomy...her weapon of choice? Lit cigarette butts. "Take that!" tssst, "and that!" tssss "I'm not touching you, does this BUG you?" tssst. How does this SUCK...let me count the ways.

Director Anthony Hickox tries, but there's only so much one can do with a stinker of a script. Hickox directed the entertaining and tongue-in-cheek WAXWORKS movies, so I hardly see how he's to blame for Hellraiser III being as truly horrible as it is. It's as if writer Peter Atkins never even SAW the first two films. Hey Mr. Atkins, it's called CONTINUITY, check into it!

If it wasn't for the hilarious nightclub scenes, I would say Hellraiser III is the worst of the series, but surely that title goes to Hellraiser IV: Bloodlines. Aw, heck, fuck both of them equally!

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=2530&reviewer=156
originally posted: 07/15/02 02:03:41
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User Comments

9/13/17 morris campbell better than 2 IMHO 4 stars
4/17/07 marshmannes CD is great and Pinhead is at his most humorous. A guilty pleasure for sure 5 stars
2/17/07 Charles Tatum ...and yet the series continued 2 stars
10/09/06 K.Sear Really really bad. 1 stars
10/04/06 Sugarfoot Once again it's better than most horror movies but this time it's starting to wear thin 3 stars
12/08/05 Indrid Cold Hilariously unscary, although not the least entertaining thing I've ever seen. 2 stars
10/03/05 Biz-e Not the worst of the series, but definitely the DUMBEST! Camerahead?!?!?! CD-Face?!?!?!?! 1 stars
9/30/05 ShabbaRanks Better than 2 (what isn't?), but blander and more lifeless than 1...not to mention STUPID!! 2 stars
9/29/05 Jakub On par with 2 - that one was a mess, this one is just silly and stupid. 2 stars
4/01/05 Richard Box Gory as Hell. Check out the Shit acting. Pinhead wants to be freddy with his wise cracks ! 2 stars
7/26/04 Josh Standlee What a treat! You see more of Pinhead than ever, cool cenobytes, and that puzzle box! 5 stars
3/18/04 Umbrella Corporation. Barbie, CD, Surgeon, Chatterer, Chatter-Beast & Wire twins PLZ! Fight Michael Myers!!!!!!!! 5 stars
3/17/04 PAYNE_KillerZ Now this waz more lite it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Barbie & CD Cenobites were the best!!! 5 stars
2/23/04 Naturezrevenge crap. 1 stars
1/26/04 Roc Howitzer Stop you haters, It's a good movie!!!! 5 stars
11/02/03 American Slasher Goddess Can't come close to the first two movies, but it's still fun and entertaining. 3 stars
8/23/03 Kyle Fun, if you've got nothing better to do. 4 stars
8/02/03 Double G 2 words Ok ay, maybe 1 3 stars
7/04/03 angelina watch it! 5 stars
5/29/03 Max Love it would watch it again n again if I had the video! Burn American Pie Pinhead is king! 5 stars
8/28/02 Bob MacBryce The worst of all terrible 80's horror flics 1 stars
7/26/02 Roy Smith Still better than Hellraiser: Oblivion..... 1 stars
4/27/02 maximal01 Aw, shit. Why? Why? Why? Leave it alone..just LEAVE IT ALONE! 2 stars
3/07/02 Alan Smithee Decent gore (in the unrated version) can't save this turd. 1 stars
8/06/01 E-Funk OK idea ruined by the director of Waxwork 2: Lost in Time...I hate that guy. 2 stars
8/02/01 Elgyn This is the movie that killed "Hellraiser". 2 stars
4/12/01 Andrew Carden I guess once he comes to earth, the film flops. 2 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  11-Sep-1992 (R)
  DVD: 19-Apr-2011

UK
  19-Feb-1993 (18)

Australia
  03-Jun-1993 (R)




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