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Overall Rating
1.92

Awesome: 12%
Worth A Look: 8%
Average: 4%
Pretty Bad: 12%
Total Crap64%

2 reviews, 13 user ratings


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Blood Beach
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by Scott Weinberg

"This movie sucks! - -Get it? Get it?"
1 stars

Well, if you don't, the joke is this: The beach is sucking people down under the sand, like quicksand-only faster and sillier. Gore-less and bizarre, it's a tough one to track down. If you do search this one out, you should probably be out looking for a job.

OK, we're going waaaaaay back here, to like '82 or so. I was 11. The poster was damn cool. A woman in a bikini was being sucked into the beach, her mouth wide open in a silent shriek of death, her arms splayed out over her head like her boobs fell in a blender. It was a cool poster.

Anyway, some cops are looking for all these missing people near the beach, never once suspecting that they were being sucked underground. The lone witness is a homeless slob who tries to tell them about it, but he was drunk and smelled bad so they didn't really listen to him.

There's lots of 'plot' silliness about some couple searching for her mother, but the mother had been eaten a few days earlier, so their struggles were in vain. John Saxon shows up for a bit (surprise!), but he proves to be as lost as everyone else. Then he gets eaten.

It was pretty unprofessional. I remember a scene where some obnxious drunk was laying on his belly on the sand, and just his penis got bit off, but that also could have been a recurring nightmare I used to have all the time.

There's a really dark sequence at the end where a still photograph of a lemon is held up against a black-light and I think that was supposed to be the monster. As was often the case in 1980's horror movies, the creature then blows up.

This movie is dead. Nobody asks for it at Blockbuster. It has 6 votes for it at IMDb. It doesn't have a website. It's dull. It came out the same year as Steve Martin's Pennies from Heaven. The tag line on the poster was "Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, you can't get to it" That's more imaginative than the whole forgotten movie.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=2541&reviewer=128
originally posted: 11/15/99 21:11:56
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User Comments

3/05/13 qunda i love it 5 stars
6/02/12 keith miron i LIKED Graduation day better 2 stars
9/23/11 PAUL SHORTT DULL, SLOW, SILLY AND BORING 1 stars
6/12/07 Danielle Ophelia An insomniac's wet dream. 1 stars
6/23/04 Freeman A real cheezzie flick in its day! 4 stars
6/27/03 Diggem the Frog I bought this film for a dollar or two. Someday that'll be the last copy left. 1 stars
3/16/03 y2mckay I saw it when I was a kid, but I sitll remember how much it sucked. 2 stars
1/01/03 Jack Sommersby Sub-par horror fare, with a laughable monster. Good acting, though. 2 stars
11/26/02 Charles Tatum Like sand in my swimsuit 1 stars
4/11/02 Paul I loved it! Great Camp! 5 stars
2/11/02 Eric Robert An early film version of Tremors 3 stars
9/08/01 Andrew Barwell This movie has an eclectic jazz-synth score and two likeable lead actors. It has humor too. 4 stars
3/07/01 Dejan Nikolovski Best and Funniest movie of all time, so stupid you'll piss yourself laughing 5 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  24-Jan-1981 (R)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  N/A


Directed by
  Jeffrey Bloom

Written by
  Jeffrey Bloom
  Steven Nalevansky

Cast
  David Huffman
  Burt Young
  Mariana Hill
  Otis Young
  John Saxon



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