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Overall Rating

Awesome: 22.73%
Worth A Look: 16.67%
Pretty Bad: 13.64%
Total Crap: 6.06%

6 reviews, 30 user ratings

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Black Hole, The (1979)
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by the Grinch

"The special effects are rivaled only by 'Space:1999' and 'Dr. Who'..."
2 stars

Hey, looking for some really crappy matte paintings? Acting that'd make post-White Zombie Bela Lugosi proud? A bunch of futuristic space crap that and spacey? Well, look no further, for the Walt Disney Company brings you...

...'Black Anus'. Oh, wait, I saw that LAST night. 'Black Hole', though I'm having trouble telling the difference right now.

I'd give you the ever ubiquitous plot summary, but I honestly have forgotten what the hell happened, and I just saw it a few days ago. Guess I should stop drinking out of aluminum cans, eating off aluminum cookware, and sprinkling aluminum powder on my 18th century wig. All I remember is the cast is super white, the villains have super bushy eyebrows and body hair second only to Ed Asner, and that the head lunatic turns his crew-mates into bio-mechanical robots (and they upstaged everyone, by the way) and wants to attempt to take a marooned space lab through a Black Hole so that he can find out if Einstein's wormhole theory is correct. Well, the only wormholes to be found here are in this plot, and maybe in the masters of the film, as the DVD version of this really bit.

If anybody thought it was worth it, I guess they could remaster this and touch up the dated effects a bit, but even George Lucas himself can only recycle garbage for so long. The film at least admits to being a cash-in on Star Wars, but I think even that's giving it too much credit. The special effects, when compared to films like Star Wars and Alien, are horrid. Everytime someone rounds a corner in the spaceship, you expect the T.A.R.D.I.S. to be there. Well, more like the R.E.T.A.R.D.I.S. in this case. When lazer blasts fly, you expect Buck Rogers to come walking around the corner having an existential discussion with Tweeky. Robots and models hover, very apparently aided by cables. Just bloody awful...

The only highlights are are the campy Maxim Schnell, the robot MAXIMILLIAN, and Slim Pickens and Roddy McDowell as two floating trash cans...but after an hour of sappy cuteness, I just wished someone would've cut their strings.

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originally posted: 01/06/02 05:37:33
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User Comments

5/28/18 Alan My favourite movie as a 7 year old child - liked it even more than Star Wars 5 stars
1/24/15 Giv Most remember this as a bad film; it's much better than that and rather affecting too. 4 stars
5/12/13 Perl Po8 This film is so adorable in how seriously it takes itself. I miss when Disney took chances 4 stars
9/11/12 cloudy There should be Alien vs. Maximillian and the goon bots 5 stars
4/24/08 David Cohen Okay, so it's not "Star Wars" at least it's not "The Phantom Menace" 3 stars
3/31/08 Aaron Weird yes, believeable no. This is a classic gothic tale in space, folks! 4 stars
12/27/07 Trey Did we watch the same movie?! Juvinile crap! 20000 Leagues in Space, my ass... 1 stars
11/19/07 Jeff Anderson A visually stunning masterpiece from Disney & lots of fun. John Barry's score is fantastic! 5 stars
11/14/07 Tom Servo Ahh my old uncle B.O.B.- god rest him. Maximillian STILL kicks ass! 4 stars
10/29/07 LouBob The ending is fantastic. The ultimate ending!! 5 stars
6/13/07 Alan Flawed, but visually stunning. Loved it as a kid, and I still love it now! 4 stars
4/24/07 David Pollastrini Great fx for it's time! 4 stars
3/23/07 Centurion Draco Visually stunning, with shocks and laughs! Great flying Robots. Maximillian is STILL scary! 5 stars
2/21/07 RKM Weak but lots of chessy fun, and so goofy. So Disney. 4 stars
2/12/07 Eric The first Disney movie where a human dies. 4 stars
10/27/06 Indrid Cold Possibly the most bizarre major studio release ever, certainly from Disney. 2 stars
6/12/05 Gecko Fanfoot A huge black hole of suck. 1 stars
6/27/04 Dr. Lecter Humans breathe in the vacuum of space! 2 stars
6/22/03 Anneca Loved it at age 13 & I see no reason to change my mind now. Nit-picking can ruin ANY movie. 5 stars
4/19/03 Marisa Monroe You will LOVE this movie! 5 stars
2/11/03 Ubu the Ripper Anyone who had anything to do with this movie should be euthanized. 1 stars
1/26/03 Jack Sommersby Atypically creepy flick from Disney. Flawed but mesmerizing. 4 stars
1/13/03 Vince Decent movie, but the end needs more explanation. 3 stars
12/05/02 Roddy fangirl My hero Roddy as a very sassy robot, what can be cooler?? 5 stars
10/26/02 Charles Tatum Cool effects 4 stars
1/18/02 David A. Lots of special effects but no story. Robot racism just doesn't do it for me. 2 stars
12/06/01 LP Quagmire On par with 2001. 5 stars
7/14/00 Japtalian Piece of Disney shit!! 1 stars
3/07/00 J. Alán Blankenship A strangely interesting film...I'd like to see a remake. 4 stars
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  21-Dec-1979 (PG)
  DVD: 03-Aug-2004



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