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Overall Rating
2.47

Awesome: 4.9%
Worth A Look: 23.53%
Average: 22.55%
Pretty Bad: 11.76%
Total Crap37.25%

3 reviews, 84 user ratings


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Anaconda
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by Eileen

"Better than JAWS! Just kidding, but it is pretty good."
4 stars

"You can't scream if you can't breathe." Oofah!

I don't care what the critics said about this movie, I loved it. I saw it it in the theater, and I've watched it many a time when I was lucky enought to catch it on cable. It was very entertaining, and contained all of the necessities: a hot protagonist in the form of Jennifer Lopez, a creepy antagonist (played by John Voight) with a "where the hell is he supposed to be from with that accent" accent, a big ol' snake (which is also a antagonist I guess since it's the movie's namesake after all), and Ice Cube. Oh yeah, Eric Stoltz is in it too, but if you get up to use the bathroom, you're likely to miss him.

So, a bunch of people (Lopez, Stolz, Cube, and company) set off on an excursion down the Amazon River to create a documentary on an indegenous group that lives somewhere in the trees. They come across some stranded guy (Voight) and pick him up. Little do they know, but Voight had a master plan to use them to help him catch the ANACONDA. A bunch of people die, and there is quite a bit of monkey blood thrown around. Okay, so the story isn't that great, and neither is the dialogue, and the snake looks like caca. But that's not really important here... what is important, however, is that there are a plethora of great moments where you squirm in your seat and whisper under your breath, "No, you a**hole, don't go in the water!"

This reviewer thinks you should pick up this movie the next time you're at your local video place. Support the small companies, not the mega-conglomerate chains! (I don't even know what mega-conglomerate means :( )

"My anaconda don't want none unless it's got buns, hon." 4 Slaps, beeyatch!

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=314&reviewer=41
originally posted: 03/06/99 08:51:53
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User Comments

9/13/17 morris campbell silly but fun 3 stars
4/22/11 Chris F not a bad movie, i enjoyed it 4 stars
1/28/10 Jeff Wilder So cheesy it's entertaining. 3 stars
7/27/08 The Dork Knight Filmed before J-Lo started working out. So suffice to say, she has a nice booty 3 stars
4/12/08 Colleen Cousineau Loved it. 5 stars
2/11/08 John Geddie quite a campy film -- difficult to get past 3 stars
6/09/07 Jeff Anderson Dumb & jokey, but well made & Voight's leglock scene with Kari Wuhrer is a SHOWSTOPPER!!!!! 3 stars
4/23/07 David Risser Slow in development, but good snake! 3 stars
11/18/06 Farnsy I liked this movie and you can't do a fucking thing about that 4 stars
8/10/06 Dragon The Artist Few campy qualities;Decent but cliche premisis;But a legendary chilhood classic!! 4 stars
8/05/06 Stanley Thai An under rated movie with great performances. A good thrill ride. 4 stars
5/20/06 Kcaj It's good 4 stars
1/03/06 cody a pretty good monster flick, too short of a movie, but it has JLO 3 stars
8/28/05 Quigley anaconda? more like anacon-dumb! i've seen better brendan fraser movies, no joke! 1 stars
8/21/05 Aldo SO COOL 4 stars
7/21/05 Brandy Harrington Awful movie, only morons will be entertained. 1 stars
5/28/05 tony WHAT A SLAP IN THE FACE! But John Voight spices things up at the end! 3 stars
5/15/05 Indrid Cold Decent schlock, Voight is mildly hilarious. 2 stars
1/19/05 American Slasher Goddess Cheesy fun 3 stars
11/14/04 X $ % & ! Bad. 1 stars
7/25/04 Vince See it for what it is - a pretty good horror B-Movie 4 stars
12/09/03 Samuel You can see the outline of Owen Wilson inside the anaconda... 3 stars
11/22/03 jack what the hell was that. i thought it was supposed to be a porno with fat ass lopez. 1 stars
8/10/03 Dan Navarro Way better than most of the printed reviews would have you believe 4 stars
8/09/03 Double G i dunno why u people hated it, this was actually pretty good!!! 4 stars
6/22/03 Jack Sommersby Energetically directed but just too familar and mundane. 2 stars
4/02/03 Gray my snakes bigger :) good idea BADLY done 2 stars
9/09/02 Movie guy i liked this film 5 stars
8/07/02 I Can't Swim Some movies KNOW they are bad B-movies, like this one, so lighten the fuck up, dickbags! 4 stars
4/27/02 Connoisseur one of the best monster movies of the 90s 4 stars
4/01/02 Jake What is this!? Anaconda smashes, makes noise and moves fast like a PC graphic! Abysmal. 1 stars
2/06/02 Nevz this film is fucking shit 1 stars
1/28/02 Andrew Carden Totally Boring and Tastelss Horror Movie. A Disgusting Gore-Fest. 1 stars
12/23/01 Shane Robert Myers!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Snake movies have goten alot of bad reputations so, this one stands out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4 stars
12/06/01 travis one of my faviorates. 5 stars
9/12/01 Butterbean It's not the best scarry flick, but the snake attacks were awesome! 4 stars
8/10/01 canadian one good scene that zooms in on lopez ass 3 stars
7/28/01 Henry Ginsberg pure hilareousity 2 stars
5/30/01 Thrillhouse How can you like this movie?!?! It sucked! 1 stars
4/16/01 Rampage Whovever rates this trash high is a jerk! and that means Jesse, Erik, and dan! LOSERS! 1 stars
4/12/01 Jesse L good movie and special effects. Hey Mateo, bite the snakes head off 4 stars
2/17/01 jk this is so backwards that even the water goes back up the waterfall 1 stars
2/15/01 KyLe*BrOfLoVsKi I'm crazy about Ice Cube, but this this not his finest hour and a half. 2 stars
12/08/00 Cristopher Revilla I think I know now why Lopez started singing, 'cuz this sucked 1 stars
11/07/00 Deepak Robinson Excellent Film, 4 stars
10/26/00 dan how can you not love this movie? it rocks! 5 stars
10/18/00 terry c lopez bites[even her singing] crap ass bad movie 1 stars
10/13/00 Erik It was cool. 5 stars
9/28/00 Ground Zero deliciously awful movie.... 1 stars
5/25/00 Elvisfan a decent b-movie w/some decent actors 4 stars
4/29/00 Pansy the only savior to Lopez's carrer is her godawful singing 1 stars
3/10/00 David Rogers Too many Jaws rip-off scenes. Did they hav writers block or something? 2 stars
3/09/00 fuck yeah!! The best moment in the movie is when you see Jennifer Lopez's buns through a transparent ni 3 stars
11/11/99 robert streit I liked this movie more than most people did. Alot better tha Con Air and the ilk. 3 stars
11/04/99 Mickey "Father Death" MacJohnstmyster Ice Cube's next single "A G who cant act" , absolute crap everyone sucked in it ,just crap. 1 stars
10/03/99 Joe Schmoe John, your comments confirm you're a nutcase, Ice Cube needs to do some coke 1 stars
10/03/99 John A fun film...Jennifer Lopez has a great butt! 4 stars
7/07/99 Ben Leostein Rating: * (out of ****) Category: "Below Average" 2 stars
5/14/99 Jaddax so scary my 4 year old daughter watched it and it did`nt even scare her 3 stars
5/10/99 Ah Dooey Who'd want to rate this crap 4 stars? Forget it. 1 stars
4/20/99 Lucas jackson The movie was good until it started,fucking shit 1 stars
4/16/99 Mr. Kramitall total crap 1 stars
4/02/99 The Incredible Sulk Screw you Eileen, and your wretched review. Bitch. 1 stars
3/27/99 Technorama My budgies make better turd than this. 1 stars
3/18/99 Max Bernstein absolute poop 1 stars
3/18/99 Madcap ummmmm, nice snake 2 stars
3/14/99 Viral Messiah Can there be negative numbers here? Best part was watching the goddam snake get gibbed. 1 stars
3/10/99 Oggy Whoopee. Jaws was better. 1 stars
2/11/99 Don Wilson Shitty speacial effects! But it was an okay movie. 3 stars
1/25/99 Chloe Marie Eregeskenoph Funny! So bad, it's good! John Voight is esp. amusing. Look for wires under the snake! 4 stars
1/08/99 Jo Mama it killed some time and i was actually into the cheesy FX. 3 stars
11/24/98 DrEvil The worst giant snake movie I ever saw. 1 stars
11/24/98 Lord Of The Dunce I can't find the words. Just abysmal. 1 stars
11/10/98 Hugh Jass I laughed when that stupid snake went bananas... God, that movie was a joke. Really. 1 stars
11/02/98 MR HOLLYWOOD !! Jennifer Lopez's ass is bigger & scarier than the bloody snake!,its alright.....i guess.... 2 stars
10/14/98 Chi-Fan Hu Stupid plot, stupid dialog, stupid movie 1 stars
9/24/98 katherine the first time i saw it it was awesomre, but the 2nd time round.. nah. 3 stars
9/06/98 Kid Pee-Pee They based the entire film around this really bad special effects snake. My dick is scarier 1 stars
8/25/98 Miss Stress i'm sorry, snakes don't get that big. 1 stars
8/24/98 The Capital City Goofball If you wwanted to make a really fake looking snake, this one would be your model. 1 stars
8/23/98 Mister Whoopee I'll tell it like it is. SHIT! 1 stars
8/21/98 Mr. Horny it's a good film... FOR ME TO POOP ON. *sidenote* Kari Wuhrer is hot. 2 stars
8/21/98 Pete Piss rotten flick. Though Kari Wuhrer is quite the eye candy 2 stars
8/16/98 {{{OZ}}} Good god, why didn't they finish this movie? An effects movie with terrible effects. 2 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  11-Apr-1997 (PG-13)
  DVD: 10-Aug-2004

UK
  N/A

Australia
  02-Jul-1997 (M)


Directed by
  Luis Llosa

Written by
  Hans Bauer
  Jim Cash
  Jack Epps Jr.

Cast
  Jennifer Lopez
  Ice Cube
  Jon Voight
  Eric Stoltz
  Jonathan Hyde
  Owen Wilson



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