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Overall Rating
3.7

Awesome: 28%
Worth A Look42.29%
Average: 12.57%
Pretty Bad: 5.71%
Total Crap: 11.43%

8 reviews, 127 user ratings


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Fifth Element, The
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by Chris Parry

"Like a supermodel at a dinner party. Boring as hell, but fun to look at."
2 stars

I’m sorry. I tried, I really tried. I really wanted to like it, I really looked forward to seeing it, but in the end The Fifth Element was a trying experience made all the more trying by the irritating presence of Chris Tucker. In all seriousness, if you put Chris Tucker in a film that featured actual footage of the second coming of Christ and Julia Roberts doing Famke Janssen doggy style with a strap-on while Dr Laura was anally invaded by Howard Stern, I’d probably not go see it. Just because of the presence of Chris Tucker.

So there’s four wacky stones that represent the elements and they stop an evil force from coming through a portal between universes to rise hell. But in order to make all this oddness work you need a fifth element, which would be Milla Jovovich. Wow, imagine that, if Milla Jovovich could save the world just by existing. Sounds like the polar opposite of what she does to the world now.

So Milla is wanted by all, which is understandable once you see her wearing her Band-Aid outfit, but she’s not about to sit back and let just anyone do what they want to her (mores the pity). So she freaks out and blasts through a wall that looks like it was made out of Alfoil, dropping many miles down the side of the building only to land in Bruce Willis’ taxicab. Thus we begin the story proper – Brucey trying to protect Milla while everyone and his dog (or rubber-faced dog-man aliens, as it were) comes after them.

Good points of the flick: It looks freakin’ top shelf, from start to finish. The cityscape, the extravagant sets, we’re talking every bit the standard that Blade Runner set up way back in the 80’s. Bruce is in high gear throughout and it’s always good to see career bad guys Brion James and Gary Oldman in a film, no matter how underwritten their roles, but that’s about where the good stuff stops and the crappy stuff begins. Milla Jovovich, at the time of production, was the personal squeeze toy of director Luc Besson (La Femme Nikita, The Professional). This generally meant whatever he was shooting, she was the star of - his ‘Jovovich period’. Let’s just say it wasn’t a real successful time for him, though who amongst us would tell our girlfriend, if she looked like Milla, “Sorry babe, I think I’m going to give the lead role to Leelee Sobieski. Maybe you can be an extra, eh?”

But whatever Milla lacks in the acting department, she looks like Anthony freakin’ Hopkins next to Chris Tucker, who wouldn’t know acting if it walked up to him in a T-shirt with the words “I AM ACTING” printed on the front. This guy appears in a movie that, to that point, is well-paced, a little dark, a little serious and beginning to look compelling, only to then launch into a loud, obnoxious, very much unfunny tirade that had every person I saw this film with scratching their head in bewilderment. Did the Fifth Element need comedic relief that isn’t very funny? About as much as Freddy Got Fingered did.

And then comes the aliens. Now, I’m no special effects genius, though I did manage to drink enough beer one time when watching an old episode of the Golden Girls that Rue McClanahan began to somehow resemble Raquel Welch. Regardless, the aliens in this film rank right alongside those in Tank Girl as the least believable in movie history. I mean, come on, rubber masks that look like rubber? Are we going for Mel Brooks laughs here? “Oy vey! They used so much rubber on this film that half the sailors on the West Coast will have the clap by 3AM! (Ba dump bump)”

It’s always a shame to see a potentially good film botched and as much as I think Besson’s previous works are amongst the greatest that cinema has produced since the early 80’s, this is a big fat tailspin from start to finish. If looks could kill, this film would cure cancer (fashion guru Jean-Paul Gaultier designed the costumes) – but a film requires far more than pretty scenery to get over. It may come as no surprise that Besson wrote this when he was thirteen years old – and in many areas it shows.

The Fifth Element is a big budget bomb. Which is exactly what I’d like to place under Chris Tucker’s car.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=328&reviewer=1
originally posted: 09/21/02 03:37:45
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This film is available for download or online viewing at CinemaNow.com For more in the CinemaNow.com series, click here.
OFFICIAL SELECTION: 2013 Boston SciFi Film Festival For more in the 2013 Boston Sci-Fi Film Festival series, click here.

User Comments

12/29/17 morris campbell imaginative & entertaining 4 stars
6/19/14 megancyber A REPEAT movie for easy movie nights, soectacular scenery, costuming and outrageously acted 5 stars
7/11/13 kevin phil great movie 5 stars
1/22/12 Kyle great 5 stars
10/11/09 Jeff Wilder Willis and Oldman are solid. Jovovich pretty. Script weak. 3 stars
10/06/09 pat Not what I'd call "cerebrally charged", but still entertaining...with the right substances. 4 stars
2/10/09 Johnny Favorite To all the naysayers: you suck, this movie is FUN, get it?? 5 stars
1/30/09 finamus how can you not love this movie? 5 stars
1/13/09 Anonymous. a film with alot of wtf moments. :] 4 stars
11/30/08 James This movie is dog shit, I don't understand why so many people like it. 2 stars
9/01/08 Samantha Pruitt the movie has a great look to it, funny, with cool characters! 4 stars
8/21/08 Shaun Wallner Interesting storyline. 4 stars
8/05/08 Bnorm This movie was indeed supa green. one of my top 5 5 stars
7/27/08 The Dork Knight I liked it. I can't help it! 4 stars
12/15/07 Pamela White movie sucks plot stupid 1 stars
6/27/07 johnnyfag il quinto escremento! 1 stars
2/28/07 munsa, Sittienaida the movie is veryinteresting and terefis. I agree that love is very important to the person 5 stars
2/19/07 Taina G IT'S FREAKIN ROCKS MY SOCKS/SMOKE YOU!! LMAO Meat Popicle lol,Multi Pass!LOVE IT,BEautiful! 5 stars
2/16/07 Vip Ebriega Entertaining futuristic Sci-fi. 3 stars
2/14/07 johnnyfog Worst fuckin dye job ever on Milla! Weirdest sci-fi ever, but I liked it 5 stars
2/06/07 Stacy You can't be a perfect woman with hair like that. Movie's pretty cool, though. 4 stars
1/31/07 JeromeBosch graet F/X, Chris Tucker fuckin' ruins everything else. 4 stars
1/24/07 Jimbo One of my favourites ever. Milla Bruce Gary and Chris u can't go wrong-Flat but epic+pretty 5 stars
1/22/07 Sambadi Trashy crap. One of the worst. 1 stars
1/22/07 del Could have been SO MUCH better, but...definitely still worth a look. 4 stars
1/22/07 Ole Man Bourbon Irritating drivel. 2 stars
12/26/06 johnnyfog Weird acid trip of a movie. Its good because of Milla and Gary Oldman 4 stars
9/23/06 sam bonner visually striking? you bet!! maybe it should have been a silent movie. 3 stars
8/17/06 Stanley Thai It's a fun filled movie. Just have fun and enjoy it. 4 stars
5/22/06 VulcanRaven Milla Jovovich is great and it is so futuristic 5 stars
5/22/06 tom Probably my favourite film of all time, has everything! 5 stars
4/10/06 R.W.Welch Flaky sci-fi opus doesn't really jell but is still watchable. 3 stars
11/15/05 nikola the BEST costumes ever 4 stars
8/13/05 Indrid Cold A pretty cool diversion, which is very high praise for a movie like this. 4 stars
8/13/05 ES This came out the same year as Time trek Generations, you tell me what's better 5 stars
5/15/05 Indrid Cold Visually fascinating, but oddly uninteresting. 3 stars
1/10/05 Jagal Shoot, someone already said fifth Excrement... Hot chic Awful film 1 stars
1/10/05 Nicole Hmm.....liked it a lot when it first came out - I have since rethought that 3 stars
1/09/05 burton miller RETARDED: one of the worst screenplays in history 1 stars
12/19/04 Monster W. Kung The fifth excrement... 1 stars
10/16/04 Don Eckert Story is a bit choppy but very imaginative, fast paced and fun to watch. 4 stars
9/01/04 T. Rhudy Milla Jovovich is great 5 stars
6/29/04 Karen Stockdale A fun film with imaginative outifts/sets and the wonderful Gary Oldman - whats not to like? 4 stars
4/25/04 Carla i thought it was pretty good, and pretty funny. I liked the 'opera'. 4 stars
4/18/04 john yes, Milla 5 stars
4/12/04 Gobsmack Stunning, original, and just plain fun. 5 stars
11/30/03 marcel Ledoux even if my name i similar, it is too cheezy 3 stars
11/29/03 john all over the place predictable and boring 1 stars
11/24/03 Sihuhe I like Zorg and his Pet! 5 stars
10/24/03 Wendy Carpenter Pointless drivel, wasting Bruce Willis's talents. 1 stars
10/15/03 crystal freakin'rocks!! 5 stars
8/11/03 Nicole Pretty decent 4 stars
5/30/03 The Talking Elbow The worst part is Bruce Willis's ugly ass orange sweatshirt 4 stars
5/25/03 Lenny Milla. 'nuf said. 4 stars
5/24/03 Bloody Vixen I like, no questions! 5 stars
5/20/03 JL Not a deep movie, but definitely escapist entertainment fun. 4 stars
4/13/03 Terrible This is one of the worst movies I have ever seen -- literally. It makes no sense whatever. 1 stars
4/07/03 Jon Would anyone else agree that this movie is literally bursting with colour? 4 stars
3/10/03 Nicole I really liked this movie 5 stars
2/26/03 GMan Hmm...Milla Jovovich near nude... Gary Oldman playing,well, Gary Oldman... pretty good... 4 stars
2/06/03 Dice My 2nd least favorite movie ever 1 stars
1/12/03 Chiendog Witty, imaginative... almost a parody of the sci-fi-action genre. 5 stars
12/06/02 GIA great act of gary oldman 3 stars
10/21/02 Monster W. Kung This movie blows donkeys. 1 stars
10/15/02 Interrog8 Everything you would want from an action flick. 5 stars
9/29/02 Fuze44 I dug the freaky chick. 3 stars
8/29/02 Hessian Besson dose it again. 5 stars
6/28/02 Zefram Mann Great acting. Great visuals. A fun movie that really IS fun! 5 stars
6/25/02 Charles Tatum Say what you want...this is really cool 5 stars
4/06/02 Junshi Alright, cliched theme though, and dull, not memorable. 3 stars
3/18/02 Butterbean It's a nice action flick to waste your time on. But it's highly forgetable 3 stars
2/20/02 Xaver I love the action, the characters (esp. Tucker) AND THE MUSIC. 5 stars
2/17/02 Mad Max Tucker sucks but Willis and Oldman are funny, and the action, effects are awesome! 4 stars
1/25/02 Monster W. Kung Incredibly moronic, superficial, and unfunny piece of crap. 1 stars
1/07/02 Adam Barraud Visually stunning, this sites reveiwer know little to nothing. Interesting enough storyline 4 stars
1/06/02 Andrew Carden Uninteresting and Unlikeable Movie. Jovavich Was The Only One Who Gave Off Steam. 2 stars
12/31/01 Mr. Hat (formerly Joe Zappa) Bruce Willis has always been good. Any crappy flick he's in except Armageddon isn't crappy. 4 stars
12/24/01 Hoorah visually the same as the concept wild and wonderful dont expect any sort of reality 5 stars
12/09/01 Shane Robert Myers!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This one Sci-Fi that people must see a instant classic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
11/16/01 Sumixam excellent, Tucker is hillarious 5 stars
11/14/01 seldom scene great LOOKING film and a comic book plot 4 stars
9/29/01 Phoenix A great sci-fi adventure. It's funny and action packed. 5 stars
8/07/01 Joe Zappa It was too exotic. I was kinda freaked out. Willis and Tucker were okay, though. 3 stars
7/21/01 gus i kinda liked it - tho, milla jovovich acts as well as a chimp 3 stars
7/16/01 Josh I rolled my eyes through most of this movie. 1 stars
7/13/01 Caligula Robot ducks, ball of evil, chocolate dripping from forehead, plot written by dumb monkey. 1 stars
7/02/01 TLsmooth I would rather clog my ears with ovine feces than listen to Chris Tucker in this. 1 stars
6/24/01 Dean If Besson wrote this when he was 13, he must have been retarded. 1 stars
5/22/01 mjm103171 the blue chick that sings techno-opera kicks ass! 4 stars
4/27/01 ChilliPepper One of the Best movies i have seen. And the soundtrack is Great! 5 stars
4/26/01 Brian The fifth Element is CHEESE, but still a fun film. Chris Tucker and Willis deliver laughs. 4 stars
4/02/01 moviegoer bruce willis does and exceelent job, as do most of the actors 4 stars
3/24/01 Monster W. Kung Turn your brain off before you see this junk. 1 stars
2/21/01 Steve in Prague I used to fuck this girl who wokred on the 5th element..Alissa Randall...5 stars 5 stars
11/22/00 Furanku Fun, fun, fun, and damn the critics who didn't like it. It wasn't meant to be Citizen Kane! 5 stars
11/14/00 The EVIL Penguin AWESOME! well, almost....... 4 stars
10/31/00 Damion Cain One of the best movies ever. Milla is a goddess, you can't dispute that. 5 stars
10/17/00 emblem Brilliant international flavoured sci-fi action with heart 5 stars
8/25/00 Maclay01 Ppl who hated this film have a prejudice for a certain type of sci-fi. Get over it! 5 stars
6/02/00 perverted pixie Hoopy space case stuff with Brucey, Gazza, and a cameo from Captain Hollister! 5 stars
3/11/00 David Rogers Was different. Most decent movie that I've seen Bruce in. 3 stars
2/06/00 Kyle Broflovski Flawless visuals, excellent concept. Kinda just there in terms of dialogue, but it works. 5 stars
1/10/00 Howie Great humor. Comic style action! Visually and musically stunning. 5 stars
1/09/00 Will that was awful! but for some reason I loved it, go figure. 4 stars
12/15/99 Paul funny, fast moving action. 4 stars
12/05/99 Wolfyboy The script fit together awesomely 4 stars
12/04/99 Roy Stogner "Sci-fi" fans will appreciate it's style. Science fiction fans should go read a book. 3 stars
11/19/99 msf6 This was like watching a cartoon on steroids Chris Tucker is funny but as a whole SUCKS ASS 1 stars
10/26/99 Karahde Khan One of the worst big-budget movies ever. Plus it has Gary Oldman, which I can't stand. 1 stars
9/06/99 godsdog I LOVE THIS MOVIE! A BLAST TO WATCH, AND A SIMPLE BUT FUN PLOT! The CGI was used properly 2 5 stars
4/25/99 JDC Works if you consider it a spoof of every cliche in scifi. Not being too serious saves it. 3 stars
4/10/99 Shelley THE BEST SCI/FI MOVIE EVER!! BRUCE RULES!!! 5 stars
3/22/99 A. M. Silly Fun. 4 stars
2/18/99 Piz s-l-o-w movie, not high on action, no laughs, dozens of better Willis movies 2 stars
12/09/98 Scion of Graveheart Kick-ass sci-fi flick ever. THE best of them all. Clever and funny as hell. 4 stars
10/03/98 Armageddon I'm telling ya, Bruce is 100 times better than you give him credit for. Very entertaining. 5 stars
10/01/98 Paul The credits at the end were entertaining, but the part where the movie was showing sucked. 1 stars
9/28/98 Brandon B. Oldman was good. Excellent special effects and music. 4 stars
9/07/98 BBReBozo Congrats to Milla for showing her nuggets. Congrats to me for watching it. 5 stars
8/30/98 Drasord very clever, and very corny. Sci/fi fan's might like this one. I just LOVE Milla. 3 stars
8/30/98 Matt just your average action movie, in a more stylish package 3 stars
8/24/98 The Capital City Goofball The monsters looked fake, as did Bruce. He's the worst action star around. 3 stars
8/21/98 Mike F I like this movie a lot. but I guess it's cause I like shity movies. 4 stars
8/21/98 rotten f. milk Willis sucks. Movie = decent. 3 stars
8/20/98 The Man With The Helmet Milla rules, as did the beginning of the film. Willis has to go. 4 stars
8/17/98 Johny Visually Great, needed less Chris Tucker 3 stars
8/16/98 {{{OZ}}} Moments of brilliance and moments of gut-wrenching awfulness. Willis begone! 3 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  09-May-1997 (PG-13)
  DVD: 11-Jan-2005

UK
  06-Jun-1997 (PG)
  DVD: 25-Oct-1999

Australia
  15-May-1997 (PG)




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