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Overall Rating
2.6

Awesome: 10%
Worth A Look: 20%
Average: 0%
Pretty Bad60%
Total Crap: 10%

1 review, 4 user ratings


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House in the Hills, A
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by Chris Parry

"A pair of frilly black panties surrounded by a bad film.."
2 stars

Remember Supergirl? Mmm-mmm, yummy Supergirl! Helen Slater in unintentional ‘fuck me’ boots with a tight-fitting blue spandex top and little red mini-skirt… yeah lads, we like us some Supergirl. Well, not so much that we’d pay money to go see her in another film. Unless of course she… well… got naked. But she’d never do that, right? Guess again, because in this crappy supposed thriller, Supergirl does just that – and how!

I know, I know, that’s probably not the best way to start a legitimate film review. But if you can come up with one single other reason to see this movie than your chance to watch SuperSlater prance about topless in front of a mirror for thirty seconds or so, you’re a better man than I am.

Slats plays a Los Angeles actress who is sick and tired of working as a waitress to make ends meet. With a big soap opera audition coming up, a friend offers her the chance to house-sit for a rich couple for the weekend, only she isn’t told that a murder just went down next door. When the weird rich folks leave, they accidentally take Slater’s bag with them, meaning she has to wander upstairs to the bedroom and try on some of their clothing. Hey, it’s a plot stretch, but consider me ‘going with it’, as it offers up the highlight of the film – Helen Slater’s breasties.

No, they’re not particularly huge, in fact they’re very much ‘natural’, but they’re more than pleasant enough to hit have a population of virile men folk hitting their pause buttons in unison. In fact, I’ve yet to rent a video version of this film that wasn’t very grainy at the beginning and end of this scene, indicating to me that the speed-search feature is being used a lot when Slats drops her shirt.

Nudity aside, our heroine’s weekend takes a turn for the worst when she lets in a termite exterminator only to find that he’s a criminal looking to extort money out of the rich couple. This in itself might have made for an interesting drama, but as things wear on the captive and captor begin to get a little romantic and… well, let’s just say that ‘ludicrous’ is a word you’ll use a lot. You might also say “why would she want to bone him,” “she’s a dirty girl,” “I’d do her ‘til she turned blue like a smurf,” and “pass the Kleenex and hit rewind, I’m done.”

Slater’s acting shows why she never kicked on after the red mini-skirt days, especially in the multitude of scenes where she’s called a waitress – “I’m an actress! I AM an actress! I’m an actress, damn it! I just need a chance!” …blah blah blah…

Throw in a double cross, then another few double-crosses more, then a few more still, then a nosey neighbor who isn’t all he seems… we’re looking at a pretty awful movie packed with more contrivances than an Enron financial report. It just looks cheap, a symptom perhaps of the fact that it all takes place on one set… in Luxembourg.

Huh? Wha? Luxembourg? Who shoots a one set film in Luxembourg?

Director Ken Wiederhorn does, that’s who. Wiederhorn was the talent behind such cinematic works as Return of the Living Dead Part II, Meatballs II, Shock Waves and Eyes of a Stranger (starring the Love Boat’s Julie Lauren Tewes), so perhaps you’d be wrong to expect more than schlock. Still, schlock is what you get with A House on the Hills, and if nothing else, at least it’s silly fun. That’s more than can be said for your average Freddie Prinze Jr movie.

A House in the Hills was Wiederhorn’s last feature film as a director and it’s not much of a swan song. Looking very low budget and showing so many boom mikes in the top of the screen that you start to wonder if they’re meant to be some sort of erotic symbolism, this is cable-ready stuff at best.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=3404&reviewer=1
originally posted: 10/29/02 06:46:00
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User Comments

10/17/08 Terry E I loved Madsen and Slater.All in all,great. 4 stars
9/12/04 Edd Worth seeing Helen's nat breasts,so tired of the silicon udder's! 4 stars
11/27/03 Renee Johnson I thought it was a great movie 5 stars
10/29/02 Charles Tatum So sad that Helen has been reduced to this junk 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  02-Nov-1993 (R)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  02-Nov-1993 (M)




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