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Overall Rating
1.57

Awesome: 2.31%
Worth A Look: 6.15%
Average: 3.85%
Pretty Bad: 21.54%
Total Crap66.15%

7 reviews, 88 user ratings


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Dungeons & Dragons
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by The Ultimate Dancing Machine

"Beware, mortal! thou art approaching Suck City!"
1 stars

At risk of losing whatever critical reputation I've earned around here, I will admit that I have more tolerance for this kind of pseudo-medieval fluff than is perhaps healthy. I don't particularly care about Dogma 95, still haven't seen "Titanic"--but the promise of cute young ladies prancing about in fur bikinis will lure me down to the local theatre every time. And still I thought "Dungeons & Dragons" sucked absolutely.

The lavishly empty "Dungeons & Dragons" pits four utterly, hopelessly annoying young actors against a mean old wizard (Jeremy Irons) in a race to snare the immensely powerful Rod of Something-or-other. (All the talk about "seeking the rod" provides the only real, if unintentional, comic relief here.) Irons, hamming it up all over the place, alone manages to be even mildly entertaining, if only because he seems to think he's Olivier in "Richard III."

As for the others, the less said the better: we've got a bland Dean Cain lookalike (Justin Whalin), his much-too-goofy sidekick (Marlon Wayans), a cute "mage" who's quickly reduced to Damsel in Distress duties (Zoe McLellan), and a proto-socialist(?!) princess who practically chokes on her stilted dialogue (Thora Birch). They spend most of the movie being chased around by a blue-lipped guy with snakes coming out of his ears--no, let's not even talk about that. Of these, Wayans is probably the most irritating, but at least (SPOILER ALERT--LOOK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) one gets to see him tossed off a castle to his death long before the end.

The sets look nice--director Courtney Solomon makes the camera linger over every ornate floor tile--but they lack imagination. (And am I the only one who thinks we need a moratorium on characters with spider-web vein designs on their faces?) Solomon also has no sense of pacing; the movie just lurches around from one set-piece to another, though the booby-trapped maze sequence did provide a few almost tense moments. Even the noisy everything-but-the-kitchen-sink climax fails.

Worst of all, there's not a fur bikini in sight. Back to the dungeon, everyone.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=3438&reviewer=223
originally posted: 12/17/00 18:31:15
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User Comments

5/30/11 Quigley A truly horrible, awful film, but it's one of the funniest films ever because of it. 5 stars
7/20/08 Shaun Wallner I was expecting so much more out of D&D 1 stars
12/16/07 Jason Bloody kids cartoon. Pokemon is better than this! 2 stars
7/11/06 David Cohen Obviously made by the religious right to steer people away from D&D 1 stars
3/14/06 David avery It could have been done MUCH MUCH better!!! 2 stars
8/16/05 ES By naming a movie Dungeons and Dragons you've already done most of the work ruining it 1 stars
8/02/05 Lee It's like Plan 9, but with dragons. 1 stars
3/24/05 Alice Colwell bad movie 1 stars
10/17/04 mr.unknown someone needs to make a another D&D movie to redeem the damage done to D&D's reputation... 1 stars
8/30/04 DM I love the game and I still hated this movie 1 stars
7/06/04 tyger,tyger bad movie good effects shots, good extars on dvd 4 stars
7/06/04 Talonsoft some of the movie was crappy but the dragon scenes were great 4 stars
4/28/04 X Someone call the bomb squad! 1 stars
2/10/04 Whatevr Even the most devout D&D'r would hate this. 1 stars
11/27/03 he A GREAT FILM i loved it 5 stars
11/07/03 Ashamed D&D Player Hey Courtney Solomon - do us players a favour and stick to DMing with your friends! 1 stars
11/02/03 Two-G - horror_blood2 (aka Double G) pretty good 3 stars
10/15/03 DrSkyTower An absolute pile of utter, moronic SHIT! Re: Jar Jar Snails! 1 stars
6/04/03 The Grinch Typical feces from Poo Line Cinema...$35 million dollars wasted horribly. 1 stars
5/06/03 Jareth Film-o-meter: LOTR->great->good->average-shit->diabolical->D&D. Get the picture? 1 stars
4/09/03 Zargo enjoyable stuff, i honestly cannot see anything that bad about it 4 stars
2/20/03 Dave Thanks God for Lord Of The Rings. Americans on a medieval set is just bizarre and wrong. 1 stars
2/14/03 Large Farve Oh my god, the Amazing Maze.... just so aMAZEing... brain damage..... this movie sucks.. 1 stars
1/26/03 Mitsaso I can't believe I watched this!!!Ewwwww.... 1 stars
10/26/02 Jerry Williams Doesn't deserve the 1 star I'm giving it! 1 stars
8/01/02 Victorie Only Jeremy and Tom Baker exhibited talent! 2 stars
6/18/02 Bart Painful 1 stars
5/19/02 Dark Barøn Bad dragon! BAD DRAGON! Go to your room! 1 stars
4/24/02 Danielle Ophelia Lop of everything but the prefix ("Dung"), and there you have it. 1 stars
4/19/02 Chris Best comedy I've ever seen! HAHAHAHAHA! 1 stars
4/08/02 Leigh it sucks can we start a petition to have it redone 1 stars
4/04/02 Film Dude What... the fuck.... was this? 1 stars
3/16/02 Jeyg Its not LOTR, but an interesting Fantasy-Movie! 4 stars
1/22/02 D'Morph LotR beats this pile of CR@P by a loooong way. 1 stars
1/13/02 Phillip Montgomery I thought a few parts were a riot......Oh it wasn't supposed to be a comedy 2 stars
11/28/01 Sly Crafty Marlon "Jar Jar" Wayans should be ass-fucked with a Rod Of Mighty Righteousness! 1 stars
11/27/01 Andrew Carden I Liked The Toys From The 80's...but The Movie Falls On It's Face. 1 stars
9/30/01 ReyDelMal This is an abomination. Thank God LOTR is coming this December. 1 stars
7/15/01 Rampage what the hell was that? 1 stars
7/10/01 CramalaL "Total Crap" is a huge understatement 1 stars
6/26/01 J It wasn't much but it sure wasn't a atrocity too. Some folks like Richard O'Brien were good 3 stars
6/18/01 janitor61 "I now declare all of you Equal!!!" wtf? 1 stars
6/12/01 malcolm a lot of fun except Wayans' buffoonery. felt like Phantom Menace 3 stars
6/09/01 Peter Brook Irons - and some effects - don't make for the lack of everything else. And D&D sucks anyway 2 stars
3/15/01 Richard Wright Apart from some nifty effects this is a waste of celluloid, the acting being esp bad. 1 stars
3/10/01 Stephenbooth_uk Irons was sleepwalking, Birch miscast. Effects were good and it's nice to see Tom Baker. 4 stars
3/01/01 Ricardo The movie was awesome 5 stars
1/30/01 puff the magic dragon Roll on Harry Potter !!! 1 stars
1/19/01 Ground Zero WTH!!! Why was Marlon Wayans such a freaking wuss? 1 stars
1/19/01 Axe Murderer WTF! Worst f&(ing movie ever....even worse than batlefield earth 1 stars
1/14/01 Jenn My GOD! What was that fucking shit! 1 stars
1/12/01 Dr Fardook I worry for jermey irons. Bad movies killed Raul Julia and Orson Welles too 1 stars
1/11/01 Boy In The Designer Bubble my bitch could fuck a can of Kodack, and give birth to a better movie. 1 stars
1/11/01 RazorDog Terrible acting, weak CG, Just bad all around. Avoid at all costs. 1 stars
1/11/01 Matt69 what a peice of fucking shit 1 stars
1/11/01 Brian Really not too bad. 4 stars
1/01/01 Jack the Ripper This sucks. It doesn't deserve any more review than that. 1 stars
12/31/00 Emily you know howsomething is so bad it's hard to whach? um-hm. right here. 1 stars
12/25/00 Damion Cain I liked it but the ending was shit terrible. 4 stars
12/21/00 Stuntman nice CGI effects, awful movie for lowlifes 2 stars
12/20/00 Anony Mouse Not too bad if you see it as a Mel Brooks parody of fantasy movies! 2 stars
12/19/00 John Lyons Great movie (for a little kid). 1 stars
12/19/00 Thrillhouse (takes out a bomb and blows up the movie theater) Damn you all! 1 stars
12/16/00 Boy In The Designer Bubble My stoner pals loved this movie. I thought it sucked donkey dicks. 1 stars
12/15/00 Dumbassmaster (gets down on knees and raises arms in the air) NOOOOO!!!!!!! 1 stars
12/14/00 alfred allen crapola 1 stars
12/13/00 DAQ42 Get stoned and fall asleep, it more entertaining. 1 stars
12/13/00 Joe Mama I would rather look at dry paint for 6 hours than watch this movie again 1 stars
12/13/00 Pelican WHAT A LOAD OF BIRD DROPPINGS! 1 stars
12/13/00 Nessus They needed to redirect some of the CG budget to hire a decent writer, and decent actors. 2 stars
12/12/00 spork-girl *cry* when did jeremy irons turned into a roast ham? 1 stars
12/12/00 Tony Soprano utter crap 1 stars
12/12/00 Hamlet3k Laughable, poorly written, horrendously acted shite. See it in the cheapie theater. 2 stars
12/12/00 mkillroy They would do a lot better not saving the world everytime 1 stars
12/11/00 Ground Zero laughbly stupid, makes EverQuest look like The Adventures of Sinbad 2 stars
12/11/00 k0rtez decent FX, crappy acting and script writing, see it as a rental when youre bored to tears. 2 stars
12/11/00 Noah Siegel I had such hopes, such high, high hopes. Dashed to pieces upon the rocks of Jeremy Irons. 2 stars
12/10/00 Z people in theater laffed at bad acting... 2 stars
12/10/00 The Lone Chihuahua Bill & Ted's Excellent D&D Adventure. (Insert lame air guitar). Nuff said. 1 stars
12/10/00 Sexton Hardcastle BO RING 1 stars
12/10/00 Wagnaard VILE DIALOG! Nausea inspiring actors 1 stars
12/10/00 Darren Shea Incredibly stupid, but occasionally fun 2 stars
12/10/00 reverend matt Worse than I thought it would be (and I thought it would suck). 1 stars
12/10/00 Matt Stockdale Yikes. Full on face shots take up the whole Movie. 2 stars
12/09/00 Rolla Constenero So much potential wasted. Good actors (except for the empress) misused. 2 stars
12/09/00 mig128 a good fun movie 4 stars
12/09/00 strider effects are good, but a good adventure just can't be cutdown to 2 hours. Story was weak 3 stars
12/09/00 BBSack You haven't seen overacting till you've seen Jeremy Irons. Movie is disappointing 3 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  08-Dec-2000

UK
  N/A

Australia
  18-Jan-2001 (M)




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