Worth A Look: 25%
Pretty Bad: 22.73%
Total Crap: 0%
5 reviews, 58 user ratings
|Tomorrow Never Dies
by the Grinch
Ladies and Gents, I now present to you the first ever 'Behind-the-Scenes James Bond Dictionary'...Brosnan - (Broz'nan) adj. 1.lifeless; showing little to no signs of life [Mrs. Brower's 5th grade class's wax museum display was quite brosnan] 2. smarmy or overconfident
"SPOILERS! Maniac tries to take over the world, and James Bond thwarts him!"
with a passe outlook [That actor's so brosnan, I'll bet he could play Charly McCarthy and make him seem unrealistic]
- n. a poseable mannequin
Crow - (Croe) v. 1. the opposite of 'croon'
n. 1. any unpleasant sound vaguely resembling singing
2. a character from the greatest comedy series to ever grace television sets
Hatcher - (Hat'chur) n. something that is hyped up to be much better than it really is, i.e. [ I went to Lollapalooza 5,513 this year, but I couldn't help but feel it was a REAL hatcher!]
Joe Don Baker's Dozen - (jo dahn bay 'kers duh zen) n. 1. a sense of deja vu one gets from seeing an actor in a movie series reappear as different characters (see also 'Living Daylights') 2. the average number of times Joe Don had to be difubulated after chase scenes on the set of "Mitchell" 3. (slang) 13 jelly-filled doughnuts
Jonathan Price - (jah nuh thuhn price) n. The large sum payed by studios to an actor who's made his career by playing sniveling bad guys.
Spottywood - (spah tee wood) n. a style of heavy-handed direction/editing from the 1990's which employed alot of chaotic, nonsensical cutaways and digital panning...
closely related in etymology to 'edwood' 2. Michael Jackson with an erection
Yeohza - (form of expression) a cry of exclamation: [Yeohza!
That gal kicked ass and stole the show!]
grinchy - (guh' rinch ee) adj. 1. to be out of ideas 2. gimmicky
3. extremely non-subtle, i.e. [Jeez, that review was about as subtle as J. Edgar Hoover at an Officer's Ball!]
Well, this was significantly better than the ho-hum 'Goldeneye'. Although Goldeneye had much more appealing female leads. I'd recommend this to slight 'enthusiasts' of the genre, but I think it works more as a straight up action flick than a Bond movie.
There's yet another aryan henchman guy in this installment. This one's name is "Stamper". Honestly, with a name like that, he doesn't have to kill anyone, they'd just die laughing. Did he work in a post office? I don't know how these guys get their nicknames. At least Oddjob had a cool name...not much to make fun of there...well, you could, but who's goofier looking, really? Some generic Brian Bosworth or a bulky, grizzled, mean-looking Asian guy?
Vincet Shiavelli (John O'Conner from Buckaroo Banzai) puts in a horrible and way too tongue-in-cheeky cameo as madscientist/torture-expert Dr. Kaufman. Does he work for an HMO?
Jonathan Pryce plays the arch-villian. What a stretch. This guy's more typecast as "evil madman" than Chris Walken is as "token creepy guy". And his annoying finger spasms on a handheld computer were a bit much for me. My sister pointed out "Hey! He's just typing jibberish!".
And Pierce Brosnan. Ugh. I think Yul Bryner displayed more humanity in his 'WestWorld' role. This guy could play the terminator and make him seem stoic.
Not to overlook the rancid title song by Sheryl Crow...what bland pap. I remember when Bond tunes were catchy as all hell. 'For Your Eyes Only', 'All Time High', etc, were extremely catchy. But Sheryl Crow? Once again, my sister pointed out that this was "bland" and she isn't even a fraction as bitchy as I am. There's just something about Crow's voice that doesn't vibrate well with my wavelength, something that really disrupts my atoms like a Star Trek phaser. Heck, I'd rather have the IzHach Haderach guy from 'Dune' sing a BeeGees tune in my general direction than endure a minute of Sheryl Crow's, well, KAWING.
Some tight action scenes in this one. Although I wish the opening sequence wasn't such an overblown shoot-em-up. But the end of the prologue was great. Pontentially classic. However, the direction here was seriously lacking and generic. And way too freaking jumpy, like they gave the editing duties to someone with "Strange-Hand" syndrome. There are some great action sequences, i.e. the helicopter pilot trying to make Bond a member of the Rotary Club. But cmon, isn't a prerequisite of all Bond films that they have groovy action sequences? And I'd have to say that the great action sequences were more a result of the screenwriters than of the 'digitally panning' directing that's so derivative of the 90's. John Terence should've directed this, but maybe he's busy being dead or something....
The screenplay was overall well done. The dialogue, however, was just awful. Horrible double-entendres galore...and no, that's not a character from a James Bond movie. Pierce Brosnan and the new 'M' exchange quips like they think they're more clever than they really are. Pierce, while a decent actor, seems to give the impression "Heh, I'm James Bond, and I just made a rip-rorious pun and/or witty comment". Connery or Moore would've delivered the lines with much more pinache...Connery as in "Heh, I just pulled one over on him/her...now, where's my drink?" and Moore as in "I'm actually curious, was I making a funny?".All that said, I think if you approach this as a shoot-em-up well-done action flick, you'll appreciate it. But as a Bond film, it's beating a VERY old formula with a very large stick.
link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=344&reviewer=156
originally posted: 01/23/00 23:30:42
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