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Overall Rating

Awesome: 5.36%
Worth A Look: 3.57%
Pretty Bad: 5.36%
Total Crap: 37.5%

7 reviews, 14 user ratings

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Drowning Mona
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by Scott Weinberg

"If you chew on the inside of your mouth, you might just stay awake."
1 stars

There is nothing worse than poor comedy. If you're watching a terrible horror movie, at least some flying limbs and gore may entertain. Bad drama is pretty horrible, but at least you can always catch a few winks. There's simply nothing more annoying than an unfunny comedy, unless it's an unfunny comedy that's also really loud and obnoxious and full of people you loathe instantly!

Hoo boy. Where to begin. Look, this movie just sucks. It can't be made any clearer than that. You'd probably think that with this cast, it would at least be amusing! You'd be as wrong as I was. Drowning Mona is a movie that just lays there, limp and pathetic. There's a parade of 'white-trash' stereotypes that will make you embarrassed to be an American, even if you're not. Maybe a laugh track would have helped, as I honestly couldn't tell when things were supposed to be funny.

Verplanck, Michigan (gosh, what a funny name for a town) was the testing ground for the Yugo corporation years earlier, so every citizen of course drives a Yugo. Other than a large number of Yugos onscreen, I couldn't figure out exactly what the point of this joke was. Nasty Mona Dearly (Midler, in a role for those who thought she was too 'laid back' in Ruthless People) drives her ugly Yugo over an embankment and she drowns. (Clever movie title, people!) Police Chief Rash (DeVito) begins his investigation of her death, only to discover that it might have been murder and not an accident caused by a poorly made car.

We are then treated to a laundry list of characters that are so unfunny, unlikable and obnoxious, that we'd slap them if we ever met them. So why pay to see these morons on display in a movie? Jamie Lee Curtis further ruins her career, sporting perhaps the most humiliating haircut I've ever seen on a woman. Neve Campbell, Wil Ferrell and Casey Affleck also wander around aimlessly, desperately waiting for someone, anyone to yell "Cut!" The only performer who rises above the dreck is William Fichtner (from Go), as he brings an air of "OK, this movie sucks ass, so I'm just gonna have some fun!" to the proceedings.

Of course all of these stupid and dirty people have their own reasons for wanting Mona dead, and we are subjected to them ad nauseum. If you are still interested in who did what to whom by the time this movie ends, you probably think Clue was based on an Agatha Christie novel. Drowning Mona moves at such a meandering and lethargic pace, you'll want to run from the theater, screaming "I thought it was a comedy!"

While it's certainly true that just a few good scenes can make a movie worth seeing, this movie has none. Not one. Except as a punishment for small children and disobedient husbands, I can think of no real reason to ever search this movie out. If I have dissuaded at least one person from watching this doody, I feel vindicated. It's obvious the producers were trying to remind us of older and ridiculously better comedies with this type of cast, but someone forgot to add the laughs. While the cast members seem to be striving for some big slapstick affair, it just ends up as a movie that looks cheap, drags on forever and is just unforgivably unfunny! Trust me on this one, folks!

Comedies are supposed to be funny, right? I'd challenge any of the filmmakers involved to sit with me and watch this movie, and point out which bits are amusing. After each allegedly funny scene, I'd smack them in the head with a tire iron and make them promise to stop making movies forever. If you still decide to see this movie after reading this review, well then you're just insane and you get what you deserve.

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originally posted: 05/02/00 13:33:02
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User Comments

12/20/08 Mack One of the funniest movies I've ever seen! 5 stars
6/15/06 gsdgs drowning mona was hilarious! one of the best movies ever! 5 stars
3/30/06 A.C. This films is'nt actually about the 'mystery' It is being taught at BU now. 5 stars
2/21/06 suzanne kraus mancuso well, I have seen better! 2 stars
9/26/04 Tor Honolulu There was a moment or three when I was glad I was watching this. You've seen worse 3 stars
4/12/03 Jack Sommersby Unfunny and condescending. Affleck is a catastrophe. 1 stars
9/02/01 Butterbean I hate comedy that turns out to be boring. 1 stars
11/21/00 Monday Morning Definitely has its moments, very much worth a rental. 4 stars
5/30/00 Elvisfan If I laughed four times it was alot; what a waste of talent & money 2 stars
3/31/00 Angel Rei two words: bite it 1 stars
3/15/00 Drano Will Ferrell perpetually cracks me up, even in this small part. 2 stars
3/08/00 Theia Play the Lawnmower Chase. Kill the doggies. More fun than the movie. 3 stars
3/07/00 LoudChris Simple and worth a few laughs. 4 stars
3/06/00 Captain Highcrime Surprisingly LESS funny than the trailers led us to believe; comic emphasis is misplaced. 3 stars
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  12-Oct-2000 (M)

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