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Overall Rating

Awesome: 8.82%
Worth A Look: 4.41%
Average: 1.47%
Pretty Bad: 1.47%
Total Crap83.82%

1 review, 62 user ratings

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Baby Geniuses
[] Buy posters from this movie
by Hawkboy

"Hold on to your diapers! And your barf bags!"
1 stars

After today, I will never publicly admit to seeing this film. I saw it in a moment of weakness, and afterwards, I felt so guilty, I took in a mass. Such is the horror of this film.

Do people remember the scene in "Pulp Fiction" where young Butch is watching an old TV show called "Clutch Cargo", in which a moving mouth is superimposed over a still frame to give the impression that an otherwise motionless character was talking? Conan O'Brien also does it occasionally. Well, imagine 90 minutes of that. You know that's not the babies really talking - it's like Mr. Ed - you put peanut butter in his mouth and it looks like he's talking.

Babies are dumb, right? Well, no. Apparently, they have this secret language that an evil scientist (Kathleen Turner, resign yourself to infomercials. For your own good) is trying to discover. But the smartest baby escapes and switches places with his IDENTICAL TWIN (Yes, of course there's an identical twin). Havoc ensues.

"Baby's Day Out" may have been criticized on all sides, but at least the baby in the film was a real baby, and the filmmakers built the film around those limitations. But not Bob Clark. Convinced that the audience finds normal babies too dull, he gives us babies who dance, run around, say "Show me the Money!" and pull old Three Stooges routines. It's deeply creepy. No real baby can do that, but he's using actual children, and manipulating them in God knows what way to get them to do all this wacko shit. It's tasteless and disturbing, but could we expect any less from the director of "Porky's"?

It's difficult to say who performs worse. The babies are blameless, but Kathleen Turner, Christopher Lloyd, Ruby Dee, Kim Cattrall - even Dom Deluise! I was disappointed by Dom Deluise? How sad is that? What were they thinking? Dom, honey, if you need money that badly, come see me. We'll work something out.

This movie left me wide-eyed in terror. And in the end, it only left a feeling of disgust. I went to see it expecting something lousy to mock - I couldn't muster the strength. The film didn't bother to make an effort - why should I?

There. My soul is cleansed. I can move on now. I shall never refer to this film again. Well, maybe for a cheap laugh.

link directly to this review at
originally posted: 04/06/99 17:13:00
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User Comments

1/07/06 JM Synth Seriously the creepiest and most disturbing movie ever. Bottom 20 material, if not worse 1 stars
9/12/05 Total Crap WORST MOVIE OF ALL THE COSMOS!!! 1 stars
9/05/05 Lenny Went Movie. Best Movie. 5 stars
1/30/05 Jeff Anderson I've seen plenty of truly bad and horrible films, but this truly TAKES THE CAKE! GARBAGE!!! 1 stars
1/02/05 Delirium Tremens Fuck this movie! 1 stars
1/05/04 Monster W. Kung 'Look who's talking' and 'Problem Childs' can't hold a candle to the badness of this crap. 1 stars
12/19/03 KingNeutron Oh come on now, I don't even *like* kids that much, and I enjoyed this movie. 4 stars
11/13/03 tatum This is so bad, I am considering legal action against all involved 1 stars
10/15/03 DrSkyTower absolute SHIT 1 stars
3/02/03 PK It sucked. Period. Doesn't even deserve one star. 1 stars
8/28/02 Barmaid's Shoal Tire More of Kathleen Turner's downward spiral that began with V.I. Warshawski. 1 stars
6/08/02 NWO4LIFE The scene with the baby using karate on the adults, is a side-splitter. 1 stars
4/20/02 Rosa Zared Turner has sunk even lower than deserved after ACCIDENTAL TOURIST & WAR OF ROSES. 1 stars
1/27/02 farther ass 5 stars
1/19/02 Anonymous Great movie! Good movie for the times! 5 stars
1/09/02 FGJ180 Kung Fu babies: Hilarious! 1 stars
12/01/01 Cracked head Appalling drivel. At least Simon Sez was "so bad it's funny". This is just depressing crap. 1 stars
10/28/01 Andrew Carden Very Stupid Movie Has It's Great Moments, but Falls Off Track Quickly. 3 stars
10/22/01 Cookie Cutter Possibly the worst movie I've ever seen. Can anyone tell me where I was supposed to laugh? 1 stars
9/11/01 Rampage Lousy, lame, weak, unfunny, unoriginal. Get the picture? You betcha. 1 stars
8/30/01 Critic It was soooooo awful! My 3 year old cousin would hate it! 1 stars
8/01/01 Crisis Management Abysmal. "Look who's talking" pseudo-popularity didn't bring enough crap? The worst yet. 1 stars
6/24/01 *~Danielle*Ophelia~* Dreadful, vapid, cliche, uninspired, cheap, boring, half-assed. Understand? You'd better. 1 stars
5/28/01 Dean No laughs, and the colors are so ugly and out of place it reminds you of Se7en. 1 stars
4/10/01 Monster W. Kung I seriously think this crap has lasting damaging effects on the brain. 1 stars
1/31/01 Fat Guy in a Little Coat Haven't seen it...still hated it 1 stars
10/22/00 YOUR Movie Expert Seeing 1 Second on HBO=VERY, VERY BAD. BIG-TIME BULLSHIT!!!!!!! 1 stars
9/15/00 Jed Funny & underated. The heck with Hawkboy just see the movie. 4 stars
9/14/00 Ground Zero The babies were cute, but the acitng and direction were laughably terrible 1 stars
4/29/00 Pansy bad acting + stupid movie = waste of money 1 stars
3/26/00 Jed Faulty but I actually find this movie underrated. 4 stars
11/17/99 fire-n-ice babies where cute but the story line could have been better 2 stars
10/20/99 MELODY LUBART The computer mouthing had me hilarious but the acting really was crap.(not the babies ) 1 stars
10/14/99 Lame-Oh That was lame. People are stupid if they pay to see or rent that moronic excuse of a movie. 1 stars
10/12/99 Buttman Brilliant like rotten tomatoes 1 stars
7/20/99 Imagoner Unfunny all the way! 1 stars
7/07/99 Ben Leostein Rating: 0 (out of ****) Category: "Terrible" 1 stars
6/26/99 Jason Pedrick You right, he is smart!!!!!!! 5 stars
6/14/99 Mr Variety thoroughly misguided, unfunny film that proves you shouldn't flog a dead horse. 1 stars
5/25/99 Doug Paulsen This was worse than shakesphere in love 1 stars
4/17/99 Spic Sub moronic 1 stars
4/17/99 Neal White Sucks shit 1 stars
4/16/99 Mr. Kramitall Righto with the review, Hawkboy. 1 stars
4/12/99 Technorama Hey Meepos, you're right. 1 stars
4/09/99 Meepos Hell doesn't have the evil in it's realm that the director of this film has in his head. 1 stars
4/08/99 Joe Schmoe Hannah, you just simply don't get the idea, do you? Absolute crap. 1 stars
4/07/99 Hannah Leach That baby is really smart. I wish I could be that smart! 5 stars
4/04/99 Freyja Nikki, your biological clock is showing. Oh, and the movie is ridiculous. 1 stars
4/03/99 Scott Meyers Must stop births, kill babies, no more reproduction. 1 stars
4/02/99 Nikki It was so good! And cute! That little girl was adorable! 5 stars
3/28/99 DJ Andy Look Who's Talking 4 : Spawns of Satan 1 stars
3/27/99 El Dorko no comment 1 stars
3/20/99 Dee Dee Wah wah wah, I want my money back. Mom, make it stop! 1 stars
3/18/99 Max Bernstein After this movie I wanted to kill babies. 1 stars
3/18/99 boschy it makes me not want to have children -- spinsterhood is looking pretty good. 1 stars
3/17/99 Mr Showbiz A barely endurable, ham-handed mess in every possible way. 1 stars
3/14/99 Viral Messiah There are words to describe my aminosity towards this crap. 1 stars
3/12/99 Orgazmo It actually uses a line from "The Mask", you know "smoking" 1 stars
3/07/99 Beef why would anyone spend money to see this crap. Unimaginative. and utterly full of crap 1 stars
3/07/99 CYaniDERuSH anybody that goes to see this. i hope u die the most horrible death imaginable. fucku loser 1 stars
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  12-Mar-1999 (PG)
  DVD: 28-Feb-2012


  01-Apr-1999 (PG)

Directed by
  Bob Clark

Written by
  Bob Clark

  Kathleen Turner
  Christopher Lloyd
  Kim Cattrall
  Peter MacNicol
  Dom DeLuise
  Ruby Dee

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