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Overall Rating
1.52

Awesome: 2.27%
Worth A Look: 2.27%
Average: 13.64%
Pretty Bad: 9.09%
Total Crap72.73%

6 reviews, 96 user ratings


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Speed 2: Cruise Control
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by spork-girl

"Sandra doesn't die. So it sucks."
1 stars

The following is an ancient, cryptic warning discovered in caves in SW France: filibidoo vroom vroom ack ack bleaaaaahh: [-------------------------------] bang! bang!

It means, roughly translated: "Our wizards predict the worst movie ever to be Speed 2. It will make you gag and puke because it sucks this much: [-------------------------------]. And if you make it, they will beat you up and curse your family and career." We can only hope the curse comes through for us and these producers are locked out fo hollywood forever.

I have seen scores of bad movies. And I'm sure worse moves have been made. But NEVER, EVER, has a piece of duung been so hyped and lauded before it was even seen. Not only did someone think making another Speed, without Keanu, but WITH the Bullock, would be a good idea, but they convinced so many people of it, they actually spent money on advertising it and pushing it. How embarrassing to be them. YOU SUCK!

Here's how it was pitched: See, we put Sandra on a BOAT this time. Of course, it too will be about to blow up. She will have a cop boyfriend. There will be a different crazy, wounded villan, and he'll be doing it for revenge just like in the first movie. But to make him cool, he can be dying of a terminal disease. To secure the geek demographic, he can be a computer genius. Only I don't know anythign about computers or boats or anything, so we'll just make all that up. No one will notice. We'll add a cutability factor with a deaf girl who needs speacial help. Isn't that cute? It's a guaranteed hit! Oh, and I have a note from the judge that says I am allowed to use explosives, but only for my job. So, can we like, blow everything up, including a small city in the carribean?

This is their objective: Show Sandra Bullock half-naked, makes things go fast and blow up. Nothing else matters. Writing, acting, structure, attention to direction at all ("Can you see Sandra's cleavage in the little movie camera thingy? Ok, good enough!") More importantly than any of that, the whole thing is clearly an excuse to blow things up. Nothing is believable in he least. Allow me to elaborate. THIS BLOWS CHUNKS.

and AGAIN, they don't kill that skanky no talent bitch. 1 goddamned spork.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=368&reviewer=6
originally posted: 09/05/98 01:47:38
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User Comments

3/13/17 morris campbell TRASH AWFUL SEQUEL JUST TRASH 1 stars
1/01/10 Dane Youssef Like New Years Eve 1999, this is one of those events that lives up to all the hype. 1 stars
9/14/09 Jeff Wilder Worst movie ever? Not quite. One of the worst sequels? Yes 1 stars
1/28/08 Pamela White not as good as Speed but worth a look 4 stars
7/10/07 Total Crap This movie is a FUCKLOAD of SHIT in a wagon. Call it Speed? Was this director on drugs?! 1 stars
6/02/07 King If there is a graveyard for movie, this movie should go 6 feet under. Hold on maybe 12 feet 1 stars
2/14/07 johnnyfog Possibly the worst action film in existence. Destroy all copies 1 stars
2/06/07 Matt Goofball ending just about saves this turkey from sinking completely. 3 stars
1/13/07 Sepi53 not that bad 3 stars
11/25/06 David Pollastrini boring, dull, etc. 2 stars
5/29/06 inty it was fine 3 stars
2/26/06 Quigley wow, people. it wasn't THAT bad. sure, it was over-the-top and horribly acted, but geez! 3 stars
1/18/06 cody a okay follow up the action thriller speed, kinded like posedion adventure meets speed 3 stars
1/09/06 Jim ther is no such thing as a bad Sandra Bullock movie 5 stars
1/03/06 Anthony Feor In the end its just a wild crazy nap. It lacked everything the first one had 2 stars
11/16/05 nemeth all you people suck. this one is better than the first!!! 5 stars
8/21/05 FRankie the movie is fine 3 stars
8/17/05 ES hey I hated Speed just as much as this tanker 1 stars
7/11/05 Indrid Cold Everybody hates it because it sucks compared to Speed, but it's a decent actioner. 3 stars
5/26/05 tony this movie was pretty bad near the end. Kinda cheezy. But otherwise ok. rent this movie! 3 stars
5/25/05 Jake This movie Sucks Balls! 1 stars
5/02/05 Monster W. Kung I'd rather cut one of my balls and throw it out of the window than see this shit again. 1 stars
2/07/05 Jeff Anderson THIS DRECK GIVES SEQUELS A BAD, BAD NAME! Sad to say, Sandra's smoking hot, but bad in this 1 stars
12/20/04 WatsUp I hate Bullock. Soooo artificial 2 stars
12/10/04 tony this movie was a good sequel but the computer animation was a bit poor. 2 stars
12/10/04 Kristina Williams do I have to say it? 1 stars
9/28/04 X BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 1 stars
2/23/04 Whatevr worst sequel ever 1 stars
2/21/04 Denise Duspiva Speed + Repeat= Speed 2 3 stars
1/31/04 Liam McIntyre Suckfest of the century! 1 stars
1/16/04 Chris This movie is FINE. I don't know why we consider it one of the worst of all time. Fun. 4 stars
1/15/04 Betty White Dafoe is wildly amusing, but he can only do so much for his overlong, silly film. 3 stars
1/08/04 Jack Sommersby Lethargic and underwhelming. 1 stars
1/01/04 Charles Tatum One of the biggest disappointments I have ever witnessed 1 stars
12/21/03 Matt Okay, it sucked, but it was so bad it's good...! 3 stars
12/07/03 john one of the worst movies ever made - insulting to the paying audience 1 stars
10/15/03 DrSkyTower complete and utter shite, worst action flick I've ever seen 1 stars
8/06/03 omar "surfur" youssef No, Reeves isn't in this movie. I guess he actually saw the script. 1 stars
8/04/03 The Watcher I would rather have 20 root canals performed in a third world country by a blind guy 1 stars
7/04/03 T3 Sandra rocks, this movie sucks though. 2 stars
6/26/03 cochese Yuck 1 stars
6/04/03 Emma i think its good. for a 12 year old its action-packed:) 5 stars
4/24/03 GWB bad 1 stars
3/25/03 Jack Sommersby Gag me. 1 stars
3/18/03 Sean McLean I would rather be wafted a handful of farts after a chili contest then to have watched this 1 stars
3/13/03 R.W. Welch Completely unconvincing and a waste of good F/X money. 1 stars
3/13/03 Shadaan o.k ...they should have stopped with the first one. 2 stars
2/03/03 kz and to think the first one was so good 1 stars
1/21/03 Matt Thiel Mind numbing. The music score is pretty good, though. 1 stars
1/04/03 freewaygl hahahahahah who thought this one up? its so ridiculous its great!!! 4 stars
12/30/02 Fonq35 My ass could have written a better screenplay... THIS IS SHIT! 1 stars
12/12/02 NoRefill When the boat started crashing, I fell asleep, woke up later and it was still crashing. 1 stars
11/17/02 Nevz oh dear, oh dear. 1 stars
10/27/02 Matt Neopalitano ...and I originally thought Keanu screwed the pooch by not signing up for this. 1 stars
9/23/02 snowconehead Speed 2!!! Zippin along at 7 nauts per hour!!! Everybody walk!! walk for you lives!!!!!!! 1 stars
9/06/02 Chancey Thunderpants Damn, even a dumbass like Keanu stayed away from this turd. That says it all right there. 1 stars
8/02/02 I Can't Swim Dafoe has 'Body of Evidence', 'Spider-Man' & this on his resume..get a new agent dude! NOW! 1 stars
7/10/02 jerimiah big time ass sniffin' on a hot, humid summer day at the gym 1 stars
7/08/02 Girl 9 abandon ship captin...this one's full of shit! 1 stars
1/22/02 Some Guy I HATED THIS MOVIE!! SPEED I WAS WAY BETTER. IMO THEY COMPLETELY RUINED THE "SPEED" NAME! 2 stars
1/18/02 randy scott It stinks! The funny thing is though siskel and ebert gave it 2 thumbs up! NO LIE! 1 stars
8/09/01 E-Funk Jan De Bont: BURN IN HELL 1 stars
7/10/01 TLsmooth Will one of you guys do me a favor and poke my eyes out? 1 stars
5/03/01 Gracy Lionheart YAWN!!! Boring!!! 1 stars
3/12/01 Kellis The Rating Says it all. 2 stars
2/25/01 INCUBATOR Sux all ass + 1 ass more 1 stars
2/07/01 lisa Keanu had the right idea. 1 stars
1/09/01 Fernand The only good thing of the movie is CHRISTINE FIRKINS she is so beautiful. 1 stars
1/08/01 NoRefill I feel it is my duty (and everyone I know) to rate this as the worst film ever made. 1 stars
11/28/00 Cristopher Revilla Another pathetic fuckshit, i'd rather watch the original than this fucking garbage!!! 1 stars
9/16/00 Wafer Was the director kidding? 1 stars
6/28/00 Naushad Khanji Terrible sequel to a most brilliant film.Muddled script.Badly executed 1 stars
3/22/00 Lame-Oh Speed 2: starring that no talent scumbutt Sandra Bullock. Ugh. 1 stars
1/14/00 Croweater Arguably THE worst film of the 90's, starring the worlds most sickening/purile actress. 1 stars
1/12/00 dr.d AWFUL!!! 1 stars
10/20/99 Tony Daquano Suck it out my ass 1 stars
10/05/99 rob Silly, but still entertaining. 3 stars
8/26/99 Azimat I NEVER HATED SANDRA BULLOCK SOO MUCH AFTER WATCHING THIS!!! 1 stars
6/03/99 lucas jackson this movie was so bad it made the first movie look good 2 stars
5/27/99 GothamDK Please no more! No Keanu is the only blessing. Sandra gets the only 2 stars. 2 stars
1/19/99 Chronically hip A nightmare. The guy below is on crack. Worthless in every way. Nauseating. 1 stars
1/16/99 Dasha Why this movie was ever made? 1 stars
12/13/98 Binky An unmitigated disgrace. 1 stars
11/27/98 Mr.Pink God! I almost started to miss Keanu! 1 stars
11/18/98 MinxxDaShorty the first one was shit, the second one speaks for itself!!! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 1 stars
11/05/98 Lord Of The Dunce Bullock is named correctly. She is a large working cow. This movie was the pits all through 1 stars
11/02/98 MR HOLLYWOOD !! Tedious and Coma-like, YES i know, BUT i cant stop drooling over Sandra Bullock,YUMMY!!! 2 stars
10/18/98 Kwyjibo A disgracefully stupid, moronic, pathetic, hopeless film. De Bont should be blacklisted. 1 stars
10/13/98 jym possibly the worst movie ever 1 stars
10/09/98 Blake Sandra Bullock rules, but the movie blows. 2 stars
9/05/98 Kid Pee-Pee I had to leave. I couldn't stomach the camera shaking anymore. I was nauseous. Disgraceful. 1 stars
9/04/98 Scott Taylor I couldn't stop giggling in the theater. People were looking at me. "The humanity!" 1 stars
8/25/98 The Capital City Goofball The producers clearly assumed we have no intellect. Made me very angry. Utter shit. 1 stars
8/21/98 Mike F I like crappy films. but please. 1 stars
8/21/98 Pete A pox on the house of everyone involved. I wanted to poke out my eyes with a spoon. 1 stars
8/19/98 Johny I couldn't even get through it on HBO during a rainy day 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  13-Jun-1997 (PG-13)
  DVD: 30-Jul-2002

UK
  N/A

Australia
  25-Sep-1997 (M)




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