"Take a big wee before sitting down to this bollocks."
Let me make one thing clear. I thought this movie was gonna rock the fuckin' house.It didn't.
Y'see I was expecting something different to what came about. I wasn't expecting lacklustre chemistry (and acting) between McConnaughey and Foster (maybe McConnaughey). I wasn't expecting a plotline with more holes than your average Korean-made condom. I wasn't expecting to have to nearly explode my bladder waiting for this thing to finish.
Let's give it the rundown. Jodie looks for alien signals with big dish. Evil boss wants her closed down. Just as she's about to lose it all she hears the ever elusive 'blip'. That's no spoiler, you always know she's going to hear something.
But the next thing you know EVERYONE can hear it. It's on CNN for crying out loud! All the money and trouble she went through and all she needed to do was flick on Bobbie Bautista!
It get's worse. Later, as everyone in the Whitehouse (and the world at large) is trying to unlock the alien code, the President and co crowd around a TV to hear CNN (again!) giving us the news.
The blip is a blueprint for a big machine. Nobody knows what it does, but what the hell, the world spends four trillion clams building one.
So they build this thing and just as they're about to send someone into it to have a geek around the universe (or something) nobody bothers putting any security out to catch the insane Christian with plastique strapped to his scrotum from blowing the whole thing to shite.
Good lord. Well at least it must be over now, huh?
If only. I think I've spilled enough so I'll leave it to the unlucky folks who get stuck watching this crud to fill in the blanks and laugh at the stupidity from here on in.
But let me say this. When the three hour "English Patient" came out every non-thinking movie-goer assumed they were watching a brilliant film because (A) it was way long and (B) the dialogue was long, rambling, boring, enunciated well and not funny. The makers of Contact seem to have decided to abandon making a good film and go with the "brilliant film" formula already established by The English Patient.
It's not good. It's crap. It uses "God vs Science" arguments to try to look more intellectual than it is, but it never really pushes into that discussion on any higher level than Foster and McConaughey starting an argument, then falling into the sack.
The final scene, well that's just typical Zemeckis smoothing all the rough ends so that everyone has all the gaps filled in for them.You won't enjoy this film. And if you really do, I mean really really do.... well I'm sorry fella. You're not a true thinker.