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Overall Rating
3.86

Awesome36.65%
Worth A Look: 32.92%
Average: 14.29%
Pretty Bad: 11.8%
Total Crap: 4.35%

8 reviews, 113 user ratings


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Final Destination
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by Chris Parry

"Better than most in its genre. But that's not high praise."
2 stars

It took me a long to bother watching Final Destination. Why, you ask? Well why do you think? This is the genre that brought us such high cinematic art as Urban Legends (directed by an Australian director that nobody in Australia has ever heard of, before or since), Thirteen Ghosts and the mind-numbing I Know What You Did Last Summer series. Teens being pursued by death just isn't a fascinating premise for a movie, especially when said teens are about as likeable as cellulite. Typical to form, in Final Destination there's nobody to root for, since the star, Devon Sawa, has about as much charisma as a Star Trek fan who works in an accounting firm, and the supporting cast consist of a who's who of depressingly easy high school stereotypes. About ten minutes in, I wanted them all to die, in ways more horrible than anything Jason, Michael Myers or Freddy Krueger could have ever dreamt up.

So Devon Sawa gets himself some weird visions of the future. Which is handy, since he and his entire French class are about to get blown up in a plane on their way to Frogland.

Devon, who is oh-so conveniently named after a ham, freaks out after having visions of exploding planes and is kicked off the plane, along with a cavalcade of his fellow students who almost seem intent on missing their flight to France. Thankfully, the moron airline security staff kick anyone not sitting in a seat off the plane, so when the plane blows up on take-off, we have a long line of folks we can watch be individually slaughtered in the comfort of their hometowns.

We're supposed to feel bad about all those deaths, but it's hard too when everyone on screen is so self-absorbed. Even the kid who just lost his brother in the explosion seems more pissed that he won't be spending his weekend eating truffles than the fact that his brother is now being sprayed across the roofs of Long Island.

And besides, in case anyone missed it, this plane was heading to France. Hello? It was full of French people! The average rudeness level of the population of the world just dropped 2.4 points - a record for any day since the war! Snails will rejoice! Crippled frogs will yell 'huzzah!'

So now we have a problem. Corned Beef Sawa is thought to be behind the explosion by the FBI people, and is thought to be a witch by those who survived. Personally, had I been pulled off the plane by Deli-Boy, I'd have at least bought him a beer. I mean, "Dude, Where's My Gratitude?"

On top of all this, Death (played by an angry black man - one of only two black people in this entire city - apparently this film takes place in the Friends universe) is pissed. His design has been thwarted, so now he's going out of his way to take some overdue lives, in the order that they would have been taken on the plane... apparently.

Now, let's stop a second here. Death cares about what order he gets his victims? What is he, obsessive compulsive? Is he sitting down in Hell switching the lights on and off all day? Actually, I don't know if Death is based in Hell or Cincinnati, it might be the latter, since you can sure smell him there.

So while Death is being anal, somehow, through one of those monumental leaps in logic that can only happen in the movies, Bratwurst Sawa concludes that Death is going in order of the airline seating plan, and thus he knows who will die next. How does he come to this conclusion? He compares the path of the fuel explosion on the plane (which is known seemingly within 12 hours of the crash, while most plane crashes are still burning around this time and solved many months later, if at all) to the seating plan of the flight, and figures out.. I don't even know what he figures out. It just got too ridiculous for me to pay much attention at this point. Let's just leave it at "he knows" and leave the details of how he knows to suspension of disbelief.

And so we watch as people die and poor little Bologna Sawa is blamed for them all. Panic ensues, good vs evil, chocolate vs vanilla, lunch meat vs dark meat. I won't bore you with the details, because most of them I'm still trying to get my head around. Suffice it to say that the producers have created a complicated film of absolutely no substance, where anything simple has to be made complex with reasoning that will leave you scratching not only your head, but the heads of those around you. Be sure to clean under your nails afterwards.

The Other White Meat Sawa is just inane, and spends most of the flick drifting between total non-chemistry with Ali Larter, and the same "I'm innocent" schtick he forced us to endure in Idle Hands. Put simply, he's quite the ordinary actor. He's still better than Sean William Scott, who plays a complete hopeless loser dweeb in the kind of moronic casting that had Rachel Leigh Cook playing a complete hopeless loser dweeb in She's All That. Hollywood casting directors, learn the lesson well, there's nothing wrong with casting someone ugly and geeky in a role that requires them to be so. Martha Dumptruck anyone?

Watching these teens trudge their way through this overly complex and utterly ridiculous screenplay is like watching the cast of Saved By The Bell call Monday Night Football. You just sit back, shake your head, and think to yourself, "Whose ridiculous idea was this?"

BUT! It is, regrettably, astonishingly, kinda fun. At times. I make this admission begrudgingly, because Salami Sawa is really worthy of a complete beatdown and any movie built around him is no better. But, I have to admit it, I like watching dislikeable teenage stereotypes eating it. Put this one on the shelf next to College Girls Exposed, Girls Gone Wild and The Best Of Backyard Wrestling, as videos that you'd never admit to owning but which can be mildly entertaining when nobody is around to make fun of you for watching them.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=3848&reviewer=1
originally posted: 12/08/01 09:28:50
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User Comments

9/13/17 morris campbell not bad but nothing special 3 stars
11/12/10 PAUL SHORTT GORY, UNSATISFYING HORROR 2 stars
12/27/09 dhanashree patil its the best film 5 stars
2/17/09 action movie fan good twilight Zone style shocker-opening scene draws from number 22 tz episode 4 stars
7/24/08 Shaun Wallner This movie was Awesome!! Loved It. 5 stars
8/25/07 Quigley A very original modern horror film; very rare! Terrible ending. I'd recommend it 4 stars
7/30/07 David Risser good thriller! 4 stars
2/13/07 Anthony Feor I'll admit it is sometimes scary, however, the plot hole are not. (3/5) 3 stars
11/06/06 Chris Really enjoyed this movie 4 stars
10/05/06 Booksworm This is on a very short list of scary movies I'd watch. 5 stars
8/05/06 Stanley Thai A smart thriller, not horror, IMO. No slashers but good kills and acting. 4 stars
2/22/06 sharon best moive in years 5 stars
11/16/05 Lacy Brewster Scary, but good 4 stars
10/05/05 tony the movie is fine but then again, crap 3 stars
9/05/05 Tom Burns The death scenes are jaw dropping. their awesome. 5 stars
6/24/05 Monday Morning Rocks 5 stars
6/02/05 Chris A true horror classic! 5 stars
1/23/05 Darryl So, another teen horror flick. But the reason (plot) for the bloodbath is original. 4 stars
10/31/04 lucas worth a look 4 stars
10/19/04 BERT UR ALL TWATS WITH NO TASTE LOL 1 stars
9/10/04 jeff good excitement. didnt get much media attention!!! nice name VARUNA,haha 4 stars
8/02/04 magaafi VARUNA & DM, GO FUCK URSELFS!! GOOD MOVIE, U MUST WATCH!!!! 5 stars
6/23/04 Fabian Ramirez it waz the shizznik 5 stars
6/09/04 molly watch it everyday!!!! bring on the third one!!!!!!! 5 stars
4/06/04 samantha best film ever 5 stars
2/06/04 DM Totally overdone, with 3rd-rate philosophy 1 stars
12/09/03 Ricky a very suspensful flick, it was really great!! 5 stars
11/25/03 Thiago first one is really good, second one is great.... bring us the third one! 4 stars
11/04/03 American Slasher Goddess More original then alot of the new teen slashers, but hampered by an anti-climatic ending. 4 stars
10/18/03 Littlepurch Could have done with more death scenes like the train decapitation but still good for jumps 4 stars
9/26/03 Charles Tatum Interesting idea just starts repeating itself 3 stars
9/18/03 Samuel Justus Death itself was stalking the victims! one by one... 5 stars
8/23/03 jom awesome, by the way I was wondering if it's based on any novel 5 stars
7/14/03 Samuel Justus James Wong, Jeffery Reddick, and Glen Morgan Rule!!! One of the greatest films of all time! 5 stars
5/24/03 R.W. Welch S. King might wish he had thought of this one. Overdone in spots but cleverly constructed. 4 stars
5/08/03 idie hott movie,- captivating, suspenseful, and intriguing 5 stars
4/24/03 Bill makes the top 20 worst films ever. Fucken rubbish. 1 stars
4/15/03 Jack Bourbon Fun. Poor teenies. 4 stars
3/29/03 NYTRANSIT417 Guts and Blood Fly...leaving me thinking...Howd they do that? 5 stars
3/23/03 Sam Bucus the Elder The Stunning Ali Larter saves this from one of the most screwy premises in cinematic histry 4 stars
2/20/03 Dave Occasionally amusing, but ultimately shite. 2 stars
2/06/03 Chris Death Takes A Holiday, And We Get To See A Stupid Horror Movie 1 stars
2/03/03 y2mckay Oz, Tony Todd was not playing Death in this film. Shit-funny review tho. 3 stars
10/23/02 palaboy101 watch out! you could be next! (knock on wood) 4 stars
6/11/02 crush A great film. 5 stars
6/07/02 stud cool 5 stars
5/19/02 Jon Artus Do you know what would make this movie good? Throw it away and watch South Park instead... 1 stars
4/22/02 lll Better than most teenage crap out there. 4 stars
4/08/02 Monster W. Kung I mean, come on. 2 stars
3/02/02 Alan Smithee Pretty good stuff. Suffers from an obviously tacked on ending. Ali Larter's hot. 4 stars
2/20/02 Xaver Slightly engaging. Fun. 4 stars
1/27/02 Tiffany Thunderhurst Ali Larter, most underrated actress around, can make even a brain-dead premise rock! 5 stars
1/25/02 Lucy Crosland Superb! Please cast Ali Larter in more like this. Dont waste her in trash like Legally Blon 5 stars
1/12/02 hd the best ever 5 stars
1/11/02 jessica gg xcellent film, really unexpected and thoughtfull!!! 5 stars
12/13/01 ben wasden A fun ride with at least two scenes that will make you jump out of your skin. 5 stars
12/08/01 Mr Math Better than most teen thrillers, but that's not saying a lot. Still pretty dull. 3 stars
10/31/01 Sumixam Can see why the X-Files is so great, go you good things! 5 stars
10/02/01 Phoenix Well crafted, and better than a lot of the horror films out there. 4 stars
9/13/01 Gary Pure entertainment. Funny, clever and an brilliant ending. 5 stars
8/12/01 Jake Not scary, bad effects stupid ideas and lame characters. 2 stars
8/06/01 badfish Great,full of surprises,Loved it! 5 stars
8/04/01 sarah The concept was interesting but it fell flat quick 2 stars
7/28/01 Steve This wasn't horror, it was SUSPENSE, get it right! Still scared me shitless. Good storyline 5 stars
7/02/01 Lisa & Steph seann william scott is HOT!!!!! 5 stars
6/20/01 King Jackass Sure to be a cult classic. 5 stars
6/13/01 H Totally predictable, utterly stupid 1 stars
4/09/01 Gary This is a really good movie but it's really scary. SEE IT IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY! 5 stars
2/16/01 Shezz Best horror film i've ever seen!!! 5 stars
2/10/01 Amanda Thompson Best Horror movie I have seen in a long time! Chad Donella was excellent!! 5 stars
2/08/01 Bender A very good premise, but only half successful. 3 stars
2/04/01 Del R Way better than the scream series for sure 4 stars
1/23/01 Lyndsay I think some of the people on here never gave it a chance. 4 stars
1/09/01 Monday Morning Smart, fun & wonderful...everything that "Scary Movie" WASN'T! 5 stars
12/30/00 Piper It's in the league of horror classics such as The first nightmare on elm street etc. 5 stars
12/05/00 Izzy This movie is amazing! best movie for its category! 5 stars
12/03/00 Bicster Too predictable and painful to watch 1 stars
11/14/00 The EVIL Penguin Pretty scary, but thin plot. 3 stars
10/02/00 seany pooh yeah baby it rocks and kills and slashes and etc. etc 5 stars
9/20/00 Jeff 1 slick thriller!! 5 stars
9/14/00 Guadalupe the best movie of the year! 5 stars
9/08/00 Tdis72 A very good film, not exactly scary but somewhat funny and very shocking. 5 stars
7/04/00 Tandi It was the best 5 stars
6/09/00 Bender Great premse pretty much wasted in this uneven movie, plus a dreadful ending. 3 stars
5/27/00 Chopper3 What a great ""switch-brain-off" film, great shocks, good direction overall, acting was ok. 5 stars
5/21/00 mellemel If there wasn't any dialogue, I would give it five stars. 3 stars
5/20/00 Matthew Bartley Scary and disturbing, It works better cos it isn't ironic or self-aware 5 stars
5/05/00 Michelle I loved this movie. It was so exciting. I had my mouth open for most of the movie. 5 stars
4/29/00 Fishsticks Scary as hell. 'Cause it doesn't think itself funny. Mostly hole-free plot, too. 4 stars
4/25/00 Obi Wan Loved the flick..but who wrote the dialogue? Can "I'm Not going to die" be anymore obvious 4 stars
4/23/00 Benjamin Lesbian A very pleasant surprise from the duo that basically made the X-FILES what it is today. 5 stars
4/16/00 Zeitgeist gret concept, yes, but do we REALLY need all those holes in the plot? 2 stars
4/14/00 Des I totally enjoyed this movie...made me jump! 5 stars
4/11/00 LoveGravy shock/vomit/disgust-inducing movie-writing sucks,but good for nonjaded gore-seeking viewers 4 stars
4/11/00 kohawk ONLY redeeming quality this movie has are the creative death scenes. 3 or 4 of them 2 stars
4/09/00 EMagGaRony this is some freaky shit.... scares you so bad you don't want to drive home 5 stars
4/09/00 "Persnickety" freaky as hell, scared the shit out of me, though silly at times! 5 stars
4/08/00 AlexClare13 I loved the actors the plot, everything! 5 stars
4/04/00 Donna lots of blood and guts! keeps you guessing 4 stars
4/02/00 Randall Didn't change my perception of the whole concept of death, but it was a fun movie 4 stars
3/27/00 arnold fantastic but dumb ending 5 stars
3/27/00 frizz GREAT movie! it changed my perception of the whole death concept 5 stars
3/26/00 Froggirl Never have I seen so much suspense! Death scenes were elaborate and great. Leaves u thinkin 5 stars
3/26/00 Froggirl Never have I seen so much suspense! Death scenes were elaborate and great. Leaves u thinkin 5 stars
3/23/00 Ben Ryan Makes you appreciate life more.. and fucks up your head at the same time! 5 stars
3/21/00 Lame-Oh makes Scream look like Turbulence on ludes 3 stars
3/20/00 Girl9 Interesting concept, worth seeing on a big screen! 5 stars
3/19/00 frank good flick 5 stars
3/19/00 JustinR2001 The most sensationally terrifying horror flick of the decade. Watch out for the bus! 5 stars
3/19/00 Captain Highcrime Does anybody else remember there was a HS class going to France aboard TWA 800? Unnerving. 4 stars
3/19/00 kelly the movie was soooooo good!!!! scary, and it really made u think!!!! i suggest u go see it! 5 stars
3/18/00 Zantetsuken Not a bad concept, but predictable at times. Good scares if you go in not being big headed. 4 stars
3/18/00 Bludworthy Sensationally intense -- graphic & creative death scenes & an abruptly shocking end. Whoa! 5 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  17-Mar-2000 (R)
  DVD: 17-Jan-2006

UK
  N/A

Australia
  13-Apr-2000 (M)




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