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Overall Rating
3.86

Awesome36.65%
Worth A Look: 32.92%
Average: 14.29%
Pretty Bad: 11.8%
Total Crap: 4.35%

8 reviews, 113 user ratings


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Final Destination
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by Hawkboy

"Attack of the living cliches!"
2 stars

I'll bet you this script was written in 3 hours, and at least 2 of those hours were trying to figure out fun ways for the characters to die. The death scenes are the only parts of the movie that contain any ounce of creativity. And once you figure out how the death scenes work (and yeah - they're pretty predictable after a bit), all you're left with is blood and boredom.

Hey, kids! Wanna write "Final Destination 2"? It's easy, and you can get your mom and dad to help out too! Get out your crayons, boys and girls, here we go!

Step 1: Have a scary opening scene. A plane crash is perfect. Be sure to include lots of shots of babies and handicapped people to show the audience that plane crashes are sad. Then, after establishing the tragedy inherent in the crash, shoot lots of gory footage of people being sucked out, and be sure to get lots of footage of the handicapped guy. He's going to die in the plane crash. Isn't that sad, kids? Other ideal settings for this opening scene could be:

-An orphanage
-A hospital
-Columbine High School

Step 2: Set up your lead characters. 5-7 characters is a good number to have. They got out of the big mass death at the start, but by cheating death, they now have to die in really interesting ways. Don't worry about developing your characters; just give them all what us screenwriters call a "quirk". A "quirk" is something that allows us to tell the difference between characters in the few minutes of screen time they have before they die. Examples of such "quirks" are:

-tough guy
-slutty girl
-Satan worshipper
-Wilfred Brimley

Step 3: Come up with ways to kill your characters. Now, remember, what made the first "Final Destination" different from the 80 million other horror movies is that it's death scenes were seemingly really COMPLICATED, but then it turned out to be quite a simple method of death. Want a death scene to start you off? Here's one I thought of off the top of my head:

Jimmy (your character) steps out the door on a lovely Monday morning. At that EXACT MOMENT, a skydiver jumps out of a plane, conveniently forgetting that his car keys are STILL IN HIS POCKET! The car keys fall out of his pocket and start plummeting to earth at a terrific speed. Of course, Jimmy is three states away from where the skydiver jumped out of the plane. There's no way the keys could hit him and be embedded into his skull. OR COULD THERE BE? Just then, as the skydiver's keys are falling someplace safe, like into a lake, they land on the wings of ANOTHER PLANE. A key sinks into the plane's wing due to the terrific speed at which the keys were falling. The plane is headed right for Jimmy's town! As it flies over Jimmy's town, the key snaps off the wing and the set of keys resume their course towards Jimmy. Jimmy is standing right in the middle of the sidewalk! The keys will hit him straight on! He'll be killed! But at the last moment, Jimmy steps to the left. The keys hit the ground and sink three feet into the sidewalk. Jimmy sees what has happened, laughs, says "Ha ha! I guess it's not my turn to die, yet. It's somebody else's turn!" He is then eaten by a lion.

As you can see, the trick is to make the audience think that your character is going to die one way, but then have them escape that death, only to be killed a completely different way a few seconds later in a completely arbitrary fashion. Of course, before he/she dies, he/she will make a sweeping statement about how they'll never die, and somebody else will. Examples of this type of dialogue include:

-"I'll never die!"
-"You'll probably die next. Not me, that's for sure."
-"I am Zeus, the immortal God of Mount Olympus!"

Step 4: Write dialogue. This is the least important part of the job. It should only take about ten minutes to do. Since your death scenes are going to be so dizzyingly complex, each one will take about 15 minutes to be executed (pardon the pun) and so you won't really have time for the characters to "have conversations with each other". Their dialogue, when you absolutely have to have some, (while we're waiting for the killer piranhas to jump out of the toilet) should cover the following points:

-death is mad at them for "changing the design".
-they're all going to die at some point.
-death is bad.

Then, all you need is some grumpy FBI agents to suspect the exact opposite of what's really happening, a creepy guy to explain what's happening, the cast of "Dawson's Creek", and you've got a movie!

Writing films is EASY, kids! Well, BAD films, anyway. Next week, we're going to show you how to write an independant comedy. Hint: Bring a thesaurus.

I'll give it two stars, just because the death scenes are good for a cheap thrill, and it seems like a LOT of work went into them. But the rest is just same-ol', same-ol'.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=3848&reviewer=27
originally posted: 03/25/00 16:34:40
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User Comments

9/13/17 morris campbell not bad but nothing special 3 stars
11/12/10 PAUL SHORTT GORY, UNSATISFYING HORROR 2 stars
12/27/09 dhanashree patil its the best film 5 stars
2/17/09 action movie fan good twilight Zone style shocker-opening scene draws from number 22 tz episode 4 stars
7/24/08 Shaun Wallner This movie was Awesome!! Loved It. 5 stars
8/25/07 Quigley A very original modern horror film; very rare! Terrible ending. I'd recommend it 4 stars
7/30/07 David Risser good thriller! 4 stars
2/13/07 Anthony Feor I'll admit it is sometimes scary, however, the plot hole are not. (3/5) 3 stars
11/06/06 Chris Really enjoyed this movie 4 stars
10/05/06 Booksworm This is on a very short list of scary movies I'd watch. 5 stars
8/05/06 Stanley Thai A smart thriller, not horror, IMO. No slashers but good kills and acting. 4 stars
2/22/06 sharon best moive in years 5 stars
11/16/05 Lacy Brewster Scary, but good 4 stars
10/05/05 tony the movie is fine but then again, crap 3 stars
9/05/05 Tom Burns The death scenes are jaw dropping. their awesome. 5 stars
6/24/05 Monday Morning Rocks 5 stars
6/02/05 Chris A true horror classic! 5 stars
1/23/05 Darryl So, another teen horror flick. But the reason (plot) for the bloodbath is original. 4 stars
10/31/04 lucas worth a look 4 stars
10/19/04 BERT UR ALL TWATS WITH NO TASTE LOL 1 stars
9/10/04 jeff good excitement. didnt get much media attention!!! nice name VARUNA,haha 4 stars
8/02/04 magaafi VARUNA & DM, GO FUCK URSELFS!! GOOD MOVIE, U MUST WATCH!!!! 5 stars
6/23/04 Fabian Ramirez it waz the shizznik 5 stars
6/09/04 molly watch it everyday!!!! bring on the third one!!!!!!! 5 stars
4/06/04 samantha best film ever 5 stars
2/06/04 DM Totally overdone, with 3rd-rate philosophy 1 stars
12/09/03 Ricky a very suspensful flick, it was really great!! 5 stars
11/25/03 Thiago first one is really good, second one is great.... bring us the third one! 4 stars
11/04/03 American Slasher Goddess More original then alot of the new teen slashers, but hampered by an anti-climatic ending. 4 stars
10/18/03 Littlepurch Could have done with more death scenes like the train decapitation but still good for jumps 4 stars
9/26/03 Charles Tatum Interesting idea just starts repeating itself 3 stars
9/18/03 Samuel Justus Death itself was stalking the victims! one by one... 5 stars
8/23/03 jom awesome, by the way I was wondering if it's based on any novel 5 stars
7/14/03 Samuel Justus James Wong, Jeffery Reddick, and Glen Morgan Rule!!! One of the greatest films of all time! 5 stars
5/24/03 R.W. Welch S. King might wish he had thought of this one. Overdone in spots but cleverly constructed. 4 stars
5/08/03 idie hott movie,- captivating, suspenseful, and intriguing 5 stars
4/24/03 Bill makes the top 20 worst films ever. Fucken rubbish. 1 stars
4/15/03 Jack Bourbon Fun. Poor teenies. 4 stars
3/29/03 NYTRANSIT417 Guts and Blood Fly...leaving me thinking...Howd they do that? 5 stars
3/23/03 Sam Bucus the Elder The Stunning Ali Larter saves this from one of the most screwy premises in cinematic histry 4 stars
2/20/03 Dave Occasionally amusing, but ultimately shite. 2 stars
2/06/03 Chris Death Takes A Holiday, And We Get To See A Stupid Horror Movie 1 stars
2/03/03 y2mckay Oz, Tony Todd was not playing Death in this film. Shit-funny review tho. 3 stars
10/23/02 palaboy101 watch out! you could be next! (knock on wood) 4 stars
6/11/02 crush A great film. 5 stars
6/07/02 stud cool 5 stars
5/19/02 Jon Artus Do you know what would make this movie good? Throw it away and watch South Park instead... 1 stars
4/22/02 lll Better than most teenage crap out there. 4 stars
4/08/02 Monster W. Kung I mean, come on. 2 stars
3/02/02 Alan Smithee Pretty good stuff. Suffers from an obviously tacked on ending. Ali Larter's hot. 4 stars
2/20/02 Xaver Slightly engaging. Fun. 4 stars
1/27/02 Tiffany Thunderhurst Ali Larter, most underrated actress around, can make even a brain-dead premise rock! 5 stars
1/25/02 Lucy Crosland Superb! Please cast Ali Larter in more like this. Dont waste her in trash like Legally Blon 5 stars
1/12/02 hd the best ever 5 stars
1/11/02 jessica gg xcellent film, really unexpected and thoughtfull!!! 5 stars
12/13/01 ben wasden A fun ride with at least two scenes that will make you jump out of your skin. 5 stars
12/08/01 Mr Math Better than most teen thrillers, but that's not saying a lot. Still pretty dull. 3 stars
10/31/01 Sumixam Can see why the X-Files is so great, go you good things! 5 stars
10/02/01 Phoenix Well crafted, and better than a lot of the horror films out there. 4 stars
9/13/01 Gary Pure entertainment. Funny, clever and an brilliant ending. 5 stars
8/12/01 Jake Not scary, bad effects stupid ideas and lame characters. 2 stars
8/06/01 badfish Great,full of surprises,Loved it! 5 stars
8/04/01 sarah The concept was interesting but it fell flat quick 2 stars
7/28/01 Steve This wasn't horror, it was SUSPENSE, get it right! Still scared me shitless. Good storyline 5 stars
7/02/01 Lisa & Steph seann william scott is HOT!!!!! 5 stars
6/20/01 King Jackass Sure to be a cult classic. 5 stars
6/13/01 H Totally predictable, utterly stupid 1 stars
4/09/01 Gary This is a really good movie but it's really scary. SEE IT IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY! 5 stars
2/16/01 Shezz Best horror film i've ever seen!!! 5 stars
2/10/01 Amanda Thompson Best Horror movie I have seen in a long time! Chad Donella was excellent!! 5 stars
2/08/01 Bender A very good premise, but only half successful. 3 stars
2/04/01 Del R Way better than the scream series for sure 4 stars
1/23/01 Lyndsay I think some of the people on here never gave it a chance. 4 stars
1/09/01 Monday Morning Smart, fun & wonderful...everything that "Scary Movie" WASN'T! 5 stars
12/30/00 Piper It's in the league of horror classics such as The first nightmare on elm street etc. 5 stars
12/05/00 Izzy This movie is amazing! best movie for its category! 5 stars
12/03/00 Bicster Too predictable and painful to watch 1 stars
11/14/00 The EVIL Penguin Pretty scary, but thin plot. 3 stars
10/02/00 seany pooh yeah baby it rocks and kills and slashes and etc. etc 5 stars
9/20/00 Jeff 1 slick thriller!! 5 stars
9/14/00 Guadalupe the best movie of the year! 5 stars
9/08/00 Tdis72 A very good film, not exactly scary but somewhat funny and very shocking. 5 stars
7/04/00 Tandi It was the best 5 stars
6/09/00 Bender Great premse pretty much wasted in this uneven movie, plus a dreadful ending. 3 stars
5/27/00 Chopper3 What a great ""switch-brain-off" film, great shocks, good direction overall, acting was ok. 5 stars
5/21/00 mellemel If there wasn't any dialogue, I would give it five stars. 3 stars
5/20/00 Matthew Bartley Scary and disturbing, It works better cos it isn't ironic or self-aware 5 stars
5/05/00 Michelle I loved this movie. It was so exciting. I had my mouth open for most of the movie. 5 stars
4/29/00 Fishsticks Scary as hell. 'Cause it doesn't think itself funny. Mostly hole-free plot, too. 4 stars
4/25/00 Obi Wan Loved the flick..but who wrote the dialogue? Can "I'm Not going to die" be anymore obvious 4 stars
4/23/00 Benjamin Lesbian A very pleasant surprise from the duo that basically made the X-FILES what it is today. 5 stars
4/16/00 Zeitgeist gret concept, yes, but do we REALLY need all those holes in the plot? 2 stars
4/14/00 Des I totally enjoyed this movie...made me jump! 5 stars
4/11/00 LoveGravy shock/vomit/disgust-inducing movie-writing sucks,but good for nonjaded gore-seeking viewers 4 stars
4/11/00 kohawk ONLY redeeming quality this movie has are the creative death scenes. 3 or 4 of them 2 stars
4/09/00 EMagGaRony this is some freaky shit.... scares you so bad you don't want to drive home 5 stars
4/09/00 "Persnickety" freaky as hell, scared the shit out of me, though silly at times! 5 stars
4/08/00 AlexClare13 I loved the actors the plot, everything! 5 stars
4/04/00 Donna lots of blood and guts! keeps you guessing 4 stars
4/02/00 Randall Didn't change my perception of the whole concept of death, but it was a fun movie 4 stars
3/27/00 arnold fantastic but dumb ending 5 stars
3/27/00 frizz GREAT movie! it changed my perception of the whole death concept 5 stars
3/26/00 Froggirl Never have I seen so much suspense! Death scenes were elaborate and great. Leaves u thinkin 5 stars
3/26/00 Froggirl Never have I seen so much suspense! Death scenes were elaborate and great. Leaves u thinkin 5 stars
3/23/00 Ben Ryan Makes you appreciate life more.. and fucks up your head at the same time! 5 stars
3/21/00 Lame-Oh makes Scream look like Turbulence on ludes 3 stars
3/20/00 Girl9 Interesting concept, worth seeing on a big screen! 5 stars
3/19/00 frank good flick 5 stars
3/19/00 JustinR2001 The most sensationally terrifying horror flick of the decade. Watch out for the bus! 5 stars
3/19/00 Captain Highcrime Does anybody else remember there was a HS class going to France aboard TWA 800? Unnerving. 4 stars
3/19/00 kelly the movie was soooooo good!!!! scary, and it really made u think!!!! i suggest u go see it! 5 stars
3/18/00 Zantetsuken Not a bad concept, but predictable at times. Good scares if you go in not being big headed. 4 stars
3/18/00 Bludworthy Sensationally intense -- graphic & creative death scenes & an abruptly shocking end. Whoa! 5 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  17-Mar-2000 (R)
  DVD: 17-Jan-2006

UK
  N/A

Australia
  13-Apr-2000 (M)




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