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Total Crap80%

1 review, 4 user ratings

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by The Ultimate Dancing Machine

"What's big and black and sucks all over?"
1 stars

This is a classic, of a sort. BLACULA was a hit back in 1972, so some crazed genius--probably with help from some of that Mexican funny weed--came up with this companion piece, which is a staggeringly idiotic movie.

The film features one "Dr. Stein," who's using his "DNA formula" to help a black man regenerate his limbs, which were blown off in combat. To give you an example of how utterly wrong BLACKENSTEIN gets everything, we are informed early on that Dr. Stein won the Nobel Peace Prize for his work in medicine. Repeat: The Nobel Peace Prize.

In any case, Dr. Stein manages to work wonders in his retro-mad-scientist lab (e.g., lots of electro-whatevers making zap noises): His patient gets his arms and legs back--and becomes...Blackenstein! But wait, if "Frankenstein" was the name of the scientist in the original Mary Shelley novel, then "Blackenstein" should be...see, I told you it's all screwed up. In any event, Blackenstein spends the last half of the film staggering around with his arms outstretched in that tried-and-true living-dead manner, and killing people who somehow can't hear him shuffling up behind them.

This is such a tacky, flaky movie--you'd swear nobody watched the dang thing all the way through before they released it. And it's actually called BLACKENSTEIN (the onscreen subtitle reads THE BLACK FRANKENSTEIN, apparently for the benefit of those viewers who were dropped on the head as children). I mean, what the hell was next--DR. BLACK AND MR. HYDE????? Good thing they stopped where they did.

Wait a minute, they DID make DR. BLACK AND MR. HYDE....

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originally posted: 03/20/03 18:57:13
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User Comments

6/22/09 Damhe Fuxalot What an awfully fun flick to watch 1 stars
5/29/09 mr.mike Retro music and staging were a plus. 3 stars
4/28/08 art A BAD MOVIE 1 stars
5/22/03 james filthy cit kat i luved the sexual orientaion of smelling vaginas it is quite cheesy 5 stars
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  02-Aug-1973 (R)



Directed by
  William A. Levey

Written by
  Frank R. Saletri

  John Hart
  Ivory Stone
  Joe De Sue
  Roosevelt Jackson
  Nick Bolin
  Andrea King

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