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Restored footage. Cut scenes. Previously unseen gore. These are the things that the DVD horror freak loves to see. When I received a DVD entitled The Antichrist, I did a quick IMDb search to get my facts straight. Ah, this one was released in the U.S. as The Tempter, a title I recognized! Apparently this one was some carbon-copy Italian Exorcist rip-off, one that allegedly boasted some legendary gore scenes. The back of the DVD case informed me that the ‘notorious goat orgy scene’ would be included as well. So there I sat, thinking of Exorcist rip-offs, nasty Italian splatter sequences, and my first ever ‘goat orgy sequence’. I was ready.

OK, first off: The Antichrist now holds the record for ‘world’s most boring movie’ - in my book anyway. I’m not sure how much exposition stuff is necessary for a plot so plainly stolen from another movie, but The Antichrist has more yapping than does the entire series of Beethoven flicks. People talk, the explain and expound, they ponder and pontificate. Nobody dies, nothing gets scary, nothing but blather for a solid 70-some minutes.

Then a woman gets really possessed. Like, spread-your-legs-scream-lick me-drool-green-goo-everywhere kinda possessed. It might have been effectively scary were it not a transparent crib of The Exorcist... and if the filmmakers had even the remotest idea of the difference between ‘scary’ and ‘just plain unpleasant’. Example: A quivering woman with flaky skin who slobbers chewed-up Play-Doh on her chest = unpleasant. Somehow sitting through this entire movie = scary.

So put aside that 87% of the film that consists entirely of people speaking words, and you’re looking at one horny teenager who ends up with his head jerked right off, one woman covered in gooey slobber, and a finale involving two ineffective priests who are repeatedly pelted with record albums. (Don’t even ask.) I was keeping a close eye out for when The Antichrist started to get entertaining, but the end credits showed up first.

Much like any other Italian horror flick, this one’s got its share of supporters. That’s something I can’t figure out. Oh yeah, that newly-included ‘goat orgy’ scene? It involves Satan, the possessed woman’s tongue and a billy goat’s butthole. Again, the distinction between scary and unpleasant becomes revoltingly clear. You’ve been warned.

Extra features on this Anchor Bay disc include a brief interview segment with director Alberto De Martino and composer Ennio Morricone... both of whom take this cinematic flotsam way too seriously. You’ll also find an original TV spot (touting the film as The Tempter), and a photo gallery.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=4199&reviewer=128
originally posted: 04/29/04 14:53:39
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