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Overall Rating
1

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Worth A Look: 0%
Average: 0%
Pretty Bad: 0%
Total Crap100%

1 review, 4 user ratings


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Rancid Aluminum
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by punkass

"Actually the worst film ever. No, really."
1 stars

It's not often I feel like hunting down every single person involved in a film and subjecting them to a bloody and painful end, but seeing this got me so mad I almost choked. These people must be stopped before they can inflict this kind of assault on us again. Coming out of the cinema I felt physically unclean.

Never before have I seen something which made me feel so angry. Cobra came close, but even the Sly-man couldn't raise the venom and bile that I felt when I witnessed this abortion. When you hear people exclaiming "Oh come on..." and "For Fuck's sake.." during a film then you know something has gone wrong. In this case it is everything.

The story is absolute bollocks. To cover the many holes, every time one of the characters cleverly points out that this load of bullshit makes no sense he is told, "Aha... Those in the know, Know." This admittance that the writer couldn't tie together the various straws that pass as a plot is trotted out so often that it becomes the films catch-phrase, yet it is neither clever nor funny. It only serves to highlight the shambles that make this film unwatchable.

The acting is contemptible. The main actor is (snarl) Rhys Ifans. This man is a cancer eating away at British film-making. Every film he touches becomes infected with his satanic presence and total inability to act or be funny. Apparently he is one of Britain's most talented actors - if this is the case then God help us all. Another pointer that this is a shite British film is the presence of Dani Behr. Chimpanzees can act better than her though they aren't quite as photogenic, so out pops Dani again. Yet pride of place in this terrible, terrible film must go to Sadie Frost. Being involved with Jude Law has seen her status elevated, yet she delivers here the worst performance I have ever seen committed to Celluloid. Wooden doesn't even cover it, plate tectonics have more vitality. Every line she delivers is a struggle, and I started groaning every time she came on screen.

In all fairness, the script she has to deal with is awful. No-one could make this drivel realistic. In all my time of reading people's first attempt at a script I have never encountered dialogue so ropey and jokes so forced. Even Fiennes, who has shown himself to have the potential to rival his brother, sinks miserably in this film. The fact that he is lumbered with one of the worst Irish accents that has graced the screen doesn't help.

However, it is possibly direction that really takes the biscuit. A horrible hodge-podge of styles looks plain ugly, and the often random attempts to be arty look really messy. I have a feeling that Hawes stuck his oar into the mix and the result is exactly what you'd imagine a film made by two film-makers at either end of a spectrum to look like.

The most terrifying thing of all is that Hawes plans to convert another of his books into a film, though hopefully the disaster of this one should put him off. If he tries again, I will be organising a petition for his exile, as shit like this not only brings down the reputation of British film, it brings down the reputation of film in general. In case I haven't stated it enough, this film is fucking awful and should be avoided at all costs.

Bad in every way imaginable, this film offends me to the very core. Not worth watching even if someone pays you to. There really should be some way we could stop people from releasing shit like this.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=4373&reviewer=215
originally posted: 06/01/00 10:01:46
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User Comments

6/10/02 seldom scene my girlfriend brought this home, i returned both!! 1 stars
9/09/01 Carlos Guzman Worst I`ve seen i decades 1 stars
9/28/00 Add Well at least they got the title right, this really was RANCID!!!! 1 stars
6/07/00 Alma Marquez Sounds like FUCKING CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  02-Mar-2000

UK
  N/A

Australia
  21-Jan-2000


Directed by
  Edward Thomas

Written by
  James Hawes

Cast
  Rhys Ifans
  Joseph Fiennes
  Tara Fitzgerald
  Sadie Frost
  Steven Berkoff
  Keith Allen



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