Overall Rating
 Awesome: 19.7%
Worth A Look: 23.23%
Average: 14.14%
Pretty Bad: 18.69%
Total Crap: 24.24%
12 reviews, 126 user ratings
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| Cell, The |
by Scott Weinberg
"OK, class...again. 'Visually cool, but a really weak script.' Very good!"
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Interested in how to predict which movies will stink? That's easy: If a movie looks really cool, that means it will probably stink. Maybe I'm over-generalizing, but going to the movies is more getting to be more disappointing than my sex life, and that's saying a lot.You'd think it would get boring saying the same old thing: "Yeah, the movie sure looked great, but I can't really remember the plot or if there were characters or not..." Well, it does get boring. But the truth is the truth. If cinema were still in its silent age, The Cell would be a truly great movie. Unfortunately, modern movies often need pesky little components like a plot or even some interesting dialogue. The Cell has neither of those.
The plot is best described as "The Matrix meets Seven", although not nearly as cool as either of these movies. A brilliant scientist (who obviously has to be the young, female and gorgeous Jennifer Lopez) can basically enter other people's minds to see what may be out of whack. She can do this thanks to a whole bunch of important-looking doctors, some flashing computer panels and these neat-looking licorice suits that hang from the ceiling.
Up until now, our perky heroine has used her skills to help a young boy escape from a coma. But she's got a new patient, in the form of an icky psycho serial killer (D'Onofrio). See, the maniac was about to be apprehended by detective Vince Vaughn (who needs a comb throughout the entire movie), only he had a seizure and is now on the brink of death.
But this is no ordinary serial killer. His chosen method of torturing his young, female victims consists of locking them inside this giant shower stall, which slowly fills with water over the course of two days. Aside from the necessary 'race-the-clock' plot contrivances, there's no real explanation for this whole ritual. But once the girls are drowned, then our killer gets pretty disgusting. Suffice to say that it involves a bunch of sharp hooks and a whole lot of bare flesh.
So Lopez has to get inside the lunatic's mind and find out where the giant shower stall is located before the time is up. That's where the plot ends and the problems begin. The trips inside the head of a psychopath may seem like some big attraction to the first-time director, but we all grew up on MTV. This stuff is old hat! Tarsem Singh directs in two speeds: A) All that annoying 'plot' stuff and B) Dark, creepy, smoky landscapes and women with wings throwing glitter across the ocean, muscle-bound Centaurs with bloody teeth, etc.
Well, the 'plot stuff' is strictly by the numbers, and the glitzy dream/mind sequences grow wearisome pretty quick. Perhaps if the visual scale had been balanced with a plot that was even remotely original or entertaining, it would be a different story. But without the backbone of a strong narrative, all the smoke machines and mood lighting just amount to a load of pretense. It's like a room full of colorful party decorations, only there's no party.
Jennifer Lopez continues her string of unimpressive performances, but I guess when you look like she does, people simply don't expect too much. As the annoyed-looking 'cop in charge', Vince Vaughn is out of his element. He'd have trouble playing this role even if it were well-written. As our truly disturbed psycho, D'Onofrio is just there, whining and screaming.
Maybe if first-time screenwriter Mark Protosevich hadn't been content to just let the director do all the work, The Cell could have become a cult classic. The lazy story and unconvincing dialogue sinks it, regardless of how inventive the movie may look. Director Tarsem's 'Losing My Religion' video (for REM) is more effective and also more entertaining than The Cell, but there he had the advantage of not having to bother with words.If you consider a movie an exclusively visual performance, then by all means disregard my criticisms, because you may SEE a few impressive things here. As a whole, it's a giant disappointment, and it's annoying to see so many movies take the easy way out-and so often.
link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=4392&reviewer=128
originally posted: 08/30/00 19:39:12
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USA
18-Aug-2000
UK
N/A
Australia
16-Nov-2000 (M)
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