Worth A Look: 12.99%
Pretty Bad: 10.39%
Total Crap: 63.64%
5 reviews, 47 user ratings
by Chris Parry
Some ideas are doomed to mediocrity from the very beginning. This one was doomed to complete ineptitude.This semi-remake of the 70's classic, The Day Of The Jackal, is so not a shade on the original it's almost funny. In fact, when you watch the movie you can't help but laugh. It's no comedy, it's just funny watching Bruce Willis all convinced that he's the baddest motherfucker there is. He really seems to believe it.
"quite simply the worst action film of the 90's. Except Speed 2."
Also funny is Richard Gere playing an Irish terrorist. If you saw Brad Pitt trying to do an Irish accent in the Devil's Own, you'll know what I'm talking about.
Another funny part to this stupidity is the story itself. The FBI know a Russian thug has hired the Jackal, the world's toughest assassin, to shoot the President. But for some reason, the combined resources of the secret services don't feel confident about their ability to nab the bad guy, so what do they do? They offer an IRA terrorist freedom to track down the Jackal for them.
Yeah. That's gonna happen. "We're in trouble! Call the IRA!" - Uh huh.
But it get's even funnier. Bruce Willis is supposedly the 'master of disguise" in this role, but his disguises are SO bad that it makes you bust out in giggles. Eddie Murphy has better disguises. A fake moustache and beer belly! Ooh. Dyed blonde hair! how does he do it?
Then there's the effects. They suck so much that you feel the vacuum dragging you towards the screen. Richard Gere on a rooftop - for whatever reason, they didn't use a real rooftop, or real sky in the background - they decided to use a fake roof and a blue backdrop. It looks *SO* fake! But then for another cutaway, they use CHROMA-KEY to add in the sky! You can see the lines around the actors!! This is HORRIBLE!
The one redeeming factor of all this? Sidney Poitier as the head of the FBI. He's fine as possible while reciting the crappy dialogue provided by the writer.
But Bruce. Good lord, why do you people keep going to see his movies?!?! He hasn't made a decent flick in years! He's stealing from you!
The Die Hard series? Please. Formulaic crud.
Fifth Element? Show me one person who didn't think Milla was the only bright spot in that whole film.
Mercury Rising? Oh, come on. Sorry, sappy, crappy crap!!
Armageddon? You take Affleck out of that film and you have a $100m dollar dud.
The Last Boy Scout? Barf.
That crappy one where he's a cop on a boat? You're losing it.
Bonfire Of The Vanities? Could he have been any worse? YUCK!
She Devil? BAAAAhahahahahha.
Hudson Hawk? BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAA! "You might grow up to be a pig" indeed.
Let's face it. Bruce's forgotten acting skills and comedic timing are usually well covered by a barrage of explosions, grunts and really bad one liners. It's gotten stale. He's being Stallone in an era when even Stallone has stopped acting like Stallone. Oh, for those long lost moonlighting days. Back then I was such a Willis fan I even bought his album. Seriously. Hey, I was young and it was in the bargain bin, sue me.
So it's time to do the unthinkable. I'm going to lay down the challenge to Willis.
BRUCE! I'M CALLING YOU OUT, BITCH!
YOU CAN'T ACT! YOU'RE NOT AN ACTOR'S BALL-SACK! YOU'RE A VEHICLE! A CRASH TEST DUMMY THAT SELLS TICKETS! YOU'RE A FRAUD, WILLIS! IT'S TIME TO PROVE YOURSELF!
STALLONE TOOK A ROLE IN A LOW BUDGET INDIE - A *REAL* ROLE. IF HE CAN DO IT, YOU CAN!
SHOW US YOU CAN ACT, WILLIS! PROVE YOURSELF, BITCH!
HOLLYWOOD BITCHSLAP IS NOW ON YOUR ASS! WE'RE WATCHING YOU, ASSHOLE, AND WE WON'T TAKE ANOTHER JACKAL!No more rip-offs. No more rip-offs. No more rip-offs.
link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=464&reviewer=1
originally posted: 08/23/98 00:51:11