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Overall Rating
1.94

Awesome: 9.09%
Worth A Look: 12.99%
Average: 3.9%
Pretty Bad: 10.39%
Total Crap63.64%

5 reviews, 47 user ratings


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Jackal, The
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by Chris Parry

"quite simply the worst action film of the 90's. Except Speed 2."
1 stars

Some ideas are doomed to mediocrity from the very beginning. This one was doomed to complete ineptitude.

This semi-remake of the 70's classic, The Day Of The Jackal, is so not a shade on the original it's almost funny. In fact, when you watch the movie you can't help but laugh. It's no comedy, it's just funny watching Bruce Willis all convinced that he's the baddest motherfucker there is. He really seems to believe it.

Also funny is Richard Gere playing an Irish terrorist. If you saw Brad Pitt trying to do an Irish accent in the Devil's Own, you'll know what I'm talking about.

Another funny part to this stupidity is the story itself. The FBI know a Russian thug has hired the Jackal, the world's toughest assassin, to shoot the President. But for some reason, the combined resources of the secret services don't feel confident about their ability to nab the bad guy, so what do they do? They offer an IRA terrorist freedom to track down the Jackal for them.

Yeah. That's gonna happen. "We're in trouble! Call the IRA!" - Uh huh.

But it get's even funnier. Bruce Willis is supposedly the 'master of disguise" in this role, but his disguises are SO bad that it makes you bust out in giggles. Eddie Murphy has better disguises. A fake moustache and beer belly! Ooh. Dyed blonde hair! how does he do it?

Then there's the effects. They suck so much that you feel the vacuum dragging you towards the screen. Richard Gere on a rooftop - for whatever reason, they didn't use a real rooftop, or real sky in the background - they decided to use a fake roof and a blue backdrop. It looks *SO* fake! But then for another cutaway, they use CHROMA-KEY to add in the sky! You can see the lines around the actors!! This is HORRIBLE!

The one redeeming factor of all this? Sidney Poitier as the head of the FBI. He's fine as possible while reciting the crappy dialogue provided by the writer.

But Bruce. Good lord, why do you people keep going to see his movies?!?! He hasn't made a decent flick in years! He's stealing from you!

The Die Hard series? Please. Formulaic crud.
Fifth Element? Show me one person who didn't think Milla was the only bright spot in that whole film.
Mercury Rising? Oh, come on. Sorry, sappy, crappy crap!!
Armageddon? You take Affleck out of that film and you have a $100m dollar dud.
The Last Boy Scout? Barf.
That crappy one where he's a cop on a boat? You're losing it.
Bonfire Of The Vanities? Could he have been any worse? YUCK!
She Devil? BAAAAhahahahahha.
Hudson Hawk? BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAA! "You might grow up to be a pig" indeed.

Let's face it. Bruce's forgotten acting skills and comedic timing are usually well covered by a barrage of explosions, grunts and really bad one liners. It's gotten stale. He's being Stallone in an era when even Stallone has stopped acting like Stallone. Oh, for those long lost moonlighting days. Back then I was such a Willis fan I even bought his album. Seriously. Hey, I was young and it was in the bargain bin, sue me.

So it's time to do the unthinkable. I'm going to lay down the challenge to Willis.

BRUCE! I'M CALLING YOU OUT, BITCH!

YOU CAN'T ACT! YOU'RE NOT AN ACTOR'S BALL-SACK! YOU'RE A VEHICLE! A CRASH TEST DUMMY THAT SELLS TICKETS! YOU'RE A FRAUD, WILLIS! IT'S TIME TO PROVE YOURSELF!

STALLONE TOOK A ROLE IN A LOW BUDGET INDIE - A *REAL* ROLE. IF HE CAN DO IT, YOU CAN!

SHOW US YOU CAN ACT, WILLIS! PROVE YOURSELF, BITCH!

HOLLYWOOD BITCHSLAP IS NOW ON YOUR ASS! WE'RE WATCHING YOU, ASSHOLE, AND WE WON'T TAKE ANOTHER JACKAL!

No more rip-offs. No more rip-offs. No more rip-offs.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=464&reviewer=1
originally posted: 08/23/98 00:51:11
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User Comments

11/22/12 Ed Totleben Jr Interesting but not intense 3 stars
11/15/09 Glenn Irwin A dollop of excrescence from beginning to end ..... and that Bejaysus Oirish accent!! Gimme 1 stars
7/26/09 the dork knight Of course, today we would simply cast a REAL Irishman. A truly weird thriller. 4 stars
9/03/08 Shaun Wallner Intense Action!!! 5 stars
8/13/08 Brenda boring. not a single likable character. 1 stars
12/15/07 Pamela White Willis shows how to evade by changing appearance 4 stars
6/04/07 John G It was this , or watching the Jerry Springer show 2 stars
1/28/07 action movie fan tough gusty action film the best movie of 1997 way better than titanic 5 stars
1/23/07 Sepi53 good one! 4 stars
5/23/06 tatum Certainly capable until awful finale; doesn't hold candle to original, though 4 stars
5/12/06 tommyjarvis Reviewers all have no sense of humour. This movie's great 4 stars
10/27/05 chris a great film worth watching i advise to all 5 stars
8/20/05 ES This movie actually would have been better if the lead roles had been reversed 2 stars
5/28/05 Naw Pay Zawgyi Poor Jack! Quaint Gere! 1st LAdy suspiciously hillary-like. 1 stars
11/09/04 Queen of cool The best fucking movie ever made 5 stars
8/19/04 courtney a decent movie with a sum what slow start and mid section but a great chase in the end 4 stars
7/29/04 Alan Another semi-classic turned into mindless drivel. 1 stars
7/27/04 DM What are Bruce Willis and Sidney Poitier doing in this mess? 1 stars
6/21/04 Samuel he way Jack Black died.the movie wasn't good, but it was great the way Jack Black died. 2 stars
11/28/03 john insulting and stupid and lousy action - there is a great original folks! 1 stars
1/16/03 Charles Calthrop Junk. Even Fred Z's version wasn't a perfect adaptation, but this pitiful flick... waste. 1 stars
12/29/02 Jack Sommersby Colorfully entertaining. Superbly acted -- Gere is wonderful! 4 stars
2/17/02 ACBCorp Totally unconvincing rip-off. Watch 'Day of the Jackal' and save money & frustration... 1 stars
10/10/01 jawsboy the ending is the most fun. bruce could have been better, as well as the story sfx. 3 stars
8/28/01 MIKE COBUNR WELL DON REALLY 4 stars
8/25/01 R.W. Welch Barely passable cloak and dagger stuff, not at all convincing. 2 stars
11/28/00 Cristopher Revilla I prefer watching the original than this piece of shit! I want my money back!!!!! 1 stars
11/25/00 The Evil Penguin the plot has more holes than SWISS CHEESE 2 stars
5/29/00 Cooke Bruce Willis is awesome. 5 stars
5/07/00 RSW Great Movie! One of Bruce Willis's best preformances. 5 stars
4/12/00 the Grinch Bruce Willis is no Edward Fox. Do yourself a favor, rent Day of the Jackal..avoid this crap 2 stars
3/23/00 Richard Wright The film is horribly acted, its not suspenseful at all and the finale is laughable. Shit. 1 stars
10/12/99 Ataraxia All round, a decent movie 4 stars
7/24/99 Hagbard Celine SHELLEY, you must be joking or retarded. This is a complete dog. 1 stars
4/27/99 Lucas jackson This movie was great until the ending,the Jackal should have got away 4 stars
4/10/99 Shelley a great movie. if you had your eyes open you might see that i'm right 5 stars
12/11/98 Scion of Graveheart This movie blows and so does Mercury Rising. Doomed to failure. End of story. 1 stars
11/24/98 Fred The greatest assassin in the world ... who gets killed by Richard Gere. 1 stars
11/24/98 Mr.Pink Braindead entertainment, which is at least better than Armageddon 3 stars
11/05/98 Lord Of The Dunce Oh LORD was this AWFUL!!!!!!! Not even for Willis fans. 1 stars
11/02/98 MR HOLLYWOOD !! hahahahahahahahahahaha....LOAD OF CRAP.....hahahahahahahahahahahaah 1 stars
10/18/98 Kwyjibo I'd go so far as to say this was WORSE than Speed 2 and Batman & Robin. 1 stars
9/02/98 pooky the bald The worst disguise in history 1 stars
8/30/98 Matt Willis tries to play a strong, silent type, and ruins it every time he opens his mouth 2 stars
8/24/98 The Capital City Goofball Just lame. Not exciting, not funny, not necessary. 1 stars
8/23/98 Mister Whoopee Somebody stop this Bruce Willis thing. 1 stars
8/21/98 Pete I felt violated. And if I ever meet the costume designer -- an arse kicking for them 2 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  14-Nov-1997 (R)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  08-Jan-1998 (M)




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