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Overall Rating
2.26

Awesome: 7.92%
Worth A Look: 8.91%
Average: 18.81%
Pretty Bad: 29.7%
Total Crap34.65%

7 reviews, 59 user ratings


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Dracula 2000
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by Greg Muskewitz

"Not counting the small dose of Vitamin C, this is a jejune hack-Drac."
2 stars

Whether it is Wes Craven Presents Dracula 2000, Wes Craven's Dracula 2000, or most simply Dracula 2000, with or without the inclusion of Craven, it does not make this any better of a movie. And if Craven ever had the opportunity to read this script before agreeing to produce it, after all the building with the Scream trilogy, he may have lost himself some credibility.

Dracula 2000 went without a press screening, which generally insinuates that even the studio thinks they have an extreme stinker on their hands. Let me be the first to assure you, it is bad, but I've seen worse this year, and that worse was screened.

We begin with a brief flashback to 1897 to a massacred ship, and then skip forward to present day 2000. If Miramax/Dimension would have waited any longer to release this, they would have had to remarket it as Wes Craven's Dracula 2001. Anyway, in England, Abraham Van Helsing (Christopher Plummer) is housing the casket in which holds the immortal Dracula (Gerald Butler). When a band of (as the press kit puts it) "tech savvy thieves" (which in English means unswallowable technology) offs with the coffin believing it has some wonderful fortune in it. ("If it's worth locking, it's worth taking.") Obviously, they don't realize what they're releasing. Scary? I didn't think so.

Van Helsing and his dubious protégé Simon Sheppard (Jonny Lee Miller) head to America, New Orleans to be exact, when Dracula has dropped in for a visit. Not as coincidental as you may believe, and as if the plodding storyline doesn't emphasize too hard at, Mary (Justine Waddell) is having weird visions that involve Drac. Suggestedly they will meet, but I don't think I'm spoiling anything by saying that she's Van Helsing's daughter, and has some sort of connection to Dracula (she was born of his blood). Big whoop.

Dracula has of course turned those thieves into zombie vampires, some of which are played by Omar Epps, Jennifer Esposito and Sean Patrick Thomas. Along the way, Mary's adorable friend Lucy (Colleen Ann Fitzpatrick a/k/a Vitamin C) is turned into a suck-face too. Blade this ain't. Good this ain't either.

The story is a shared credit by Joel Soisson and Patrick Lussier, who also directs and edits, but Soisson takes the bill for the screenplay itself. The big issue at hand here is the banality and lack of originality that they display here. This plays like an even badder version of End of Days. There's a lot of allusion and symbolism beating you over the head about The Virgin Mary, and our protagonist Mary, who works at a music shop called Virgin, etc. It's lame. It's downright laughable. And like End of Days (and to a lesser extent, Stigmata) there is plenty of bible dissing ("You believe that propaganda?"). There is an unacceptable amount of coincidence, plot hindrances, and a script full of really bad dialogue. There is absolutely no believability, as the normal, human characters have unending stamina (Miller is hit 30-40 feet across a parking lot, slams head-first into a van, and gets right up off of the ground to resume battle). The more I think about it, the more that I understand their reasoning in not screening this.

The acting, in most cases, goes part-in-parcel with the script and dialogue. Lochlyn Munroe is gone in a blink, while proven actors Plummer, Epps, and neophytes Esposito and Thomas all reek. Over-the-top, under-the-mark. It's like amateur night when your neighbors try to go elaborate during Halloween. Miller is barely passable, and really only Fitzpatrick is satisfactory. Fitzpatrick/Vitamin C (who sings that "Graduation" song), is as far as I know, the same Colleen Fitzpatrick (minus the Ann) from John Waters' classic Hairspray. It makes sense after all, the character was a singer/dancer in Hairspray, and the Eighties timeline makes the (minimal) aging feasible. But to be honest, she looks more like the way I remember Leslie Ann Powers, who played Ricki Lake's sidekick, instead of arch-rival. Regardless, Fitzpatrick has an alluring, sexy presence, and is the only one here who knows how to articulate, and do it well. Maybe it was her formal singing instruction paying off. The one "present" we get from this passe Christmas suck-fest (pun intended), is we briefly get to see her topless. Unfortunately, the excitement does not carry over to the rest.

The Dracula in this, Gerard Butler, is awful. I can't resist it: He sucks!!! He is not frightening, not suave, not creepy, but dull all around. He has to be one of the worst Draculas or vampires on screen ever. Not only does he neglect the laurels of what Dracula is, but Butler is simply a bad, stiff actor. Horrible casting equals horrible results. There is no atmosphere to Dracula 2000 at all. It does not deserve the usage of this classic character's name.

Lussier is a good editor. I liked his work a lot on the Scream trilogy, and especially on Mimic. He's been an editor on Craven's work since Wes Craven's New Nightmare, and I tend to believe that is why Craven has so generously lent his producing efforts. Lussier has assembled a great tech crew, costume designer Denise Cronenberg (eXistenZ, The Fly), director of photography Peter Pau (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon), production designer Carol Spier (eXistenZ, Mimic), and composer Marco Beltrami (The Scream trilogy). But the writing here is underdeveloped in every conceivable notion. The explanations they offer and the back-stories they create are hokey and unkempt. Leave poor Dracula alone to his coffin, I'm sure that he'd much rather be there than associated with this.

I still will admit to anticipating anything with Fitzpatrick, and am with much more hope looking forward to Shadow of a Vampire.

Final Verdict: D.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=4658&reviewer=172
originally posted: 12/30/00 08:37:25
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User Comments

9/13/17 morris campbell passable better than dracula 1992 3 stars
12/21/10 Josie Cotton is a goddess BLAH! 3 stars
9/26/08 Shaun Wallner Great Action!! 5 stars
4/29/08 art THE BEST STORY ABOUT DRACULA AND THE SECRET BEHIND HIS BLOODSUCKING 5 stars
3/30/06 Dethbyhashi Such Horrible Hollywood Christian Shit!!!! 1 stars
8/12/05 ES best explanation for Dracula and his weaknesses I've yet seen= very cool 4 stars
7/19/05 Brandy Harrington It sux. 1 stars
1/29/05 Mmmm...Blood Stupid! I hate Hollywood! 1 stars
6/11/04 Nikolai I found the biblical connection intriguing, and the visuals leading there are polished 4 stars
5/01/04 Vicious Hyde from that 70's show deserves better 2 stars
1/13/04 American Slasher Goddess A vampire Scream clone, but passable. 3 stars
11/25/03 Thiago average movie. starts off well but ends pretty bad. Gerard is really cool though. 3 stars
10/12/03 rodekat Gerry is a verry good actor and 'the more i watch the movie the better it getsGerry WAAAW , 5 stars
10/01/03 Samuel Justus One of the worst Vampire movies ever!!! 3 stars
8/19/03 Anastasia Beaverhausen Nice direction and casting, I have seen worse 4 stars
3/04/03 sophie i normally dont like vampire films, but this was good, and plus gerard butler is fuckable. 5 stars
2/24/03 judasfan not nearly as bad as people say - the origin alone was genius. good stuff, mate. 4 stars
2/19/03 Robert Ortiz If you 4 stars
2/06/03 blearg blamen yes jeri ryan sucks bib star bad Attitude i bet 5 stars
2/06/03 123 the beginnings are cool and creepy, but it lost its touch after a while 4 stars
2/05/03 Jack Sommersby About as entertaining as donating plasma. 1 stars
6/12/02 Jim Not bad, but don't watch it more than once or the stupidity really starts to shine thru. 3 stars
4/08/02 Chris totally stinks. 1 stars
1/28/02 Andrew Carden Shadow Of The Vampire Was Better Then This. 1 stars
1/17/02 Pimp Makus It blew except for the way they made the main dude Judas. 2 stars
11/03/01 Jim You were expecting Shakespeare? Snappy vampire action, nice twist at the end. 4 stars
10/28/01 Bizzotch McQueen Fuck Fucking stupid & boring and crummy looking. Why Vitamin C's boobies and not Jeri Ryan's??!! 1 stars
9/24/01 otto The source of his power! He was an apostle! Once you know how, you never forget. 3 stars
9/17/01 Bri Dumb, needs more boobs. Vitamine what? 2 stars
8/29/01 Amy An absolute waste of usually good actors 2 stars
8/21/01 JesseL One of the worst Dracula movies ever. First one since Blackula that I did NOT like 1 stars
7/19/01 Roy Smith If you hate creativity you won't like this movie. 4 stars
7/06/01 othree visually interesting at times, suck story, liked the spin on Judas thou. 3 stars
6/22/01 WOW! My god, how can you rate this piece of donkey shit as good?! Too much fucking sex! 1 stars
5/04/01 Rachel Ross it is the best movies ever and anyone that think other wise sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 5 stars
3/28/01 viking Not another remake !!!! 2 stars
3/01/01 *~Danielle*Ophelia~* (formerly KyLe*BrOfLoVsKi) Stupid Bloodsuckers...GET OUT OF MY WALLET!!! 2 stars
2/22/01 Cris Hello Dracula! 5 stars
2/05/01 brownsuga23 As a women who saw the film I have to say, Butler was carismatic, cute & utterly inviting 3 stars
2/03/01 Bill Tambor Should go straight to garbage not video 1 stars
1/28/01 christmas28 Excellent and well-done...creative and inventive. 4 stars
1/19/01 Ground Zero Don't waste your money on this crap-on-a-crut 2 stars
1/19/01 malcolm good try, interesting twist on the myth 3 stars
1/17/01 Anthony Typical Wes Craven Crap- Do something different!! 2 stars
1/16/01 Aurora Well, at least they put a new spin on where Dracula came from. 3 stars
1/13/01 Wafer The twizzlers I ate and and the nap I took were the best parts of this movie(No Shit) 1 stars
1/11/01 Boy In The Designer Bubble My autistic cousin loved this movie. 2 stars
1/09/01 Jules Why do almost all vampire movies have to suck? 1 stars
1/08/01 Dracula 1981 Dude! Where are Jeri Ryan's boobies? Even Jonny Lee Miller sucked =^( 1 stars
1/05/01 Stuntman whoa... I'm shocked that the producers made a travesty out of a legend 2 stars
1/04/01 shogun Dracula is supposed to be a legend, not a B horror flick. And don't explain shit 10 times. 2 stars
1/02/01 Boy In The Designer Bubble Oh Dracuala, are you going to bite me now? ZZZZZZZZZZ 1 stars
12/30/00 Emily at the risk of sounding like a thug, i have to say, this movie was wack. not cool at all. 1 stars
12/27/00 LoudChris Why did this movie try to be serouis? The pain.... The sweet pain of a vampire movie... 3 stars
12/26/00 Jeff I paid for homoeroticism and got Jerri Ryan in a nightie. More naked Drac, please! 1 stars
12/25/00 Gia Wow. I'm speechless. This movie sucked even more than I thought it would. 2 stars
12/25/00 MovieFreak Nothing terrible, but no oscars here either. Just go not expecting much and have fun. 3 stars
12/23/00 Bob shomb Can you say CRAP THAT CAME OUTTA THE TOILET? 1 stars
12/19/00 Joe Cool 3 qualities 1- BusTiTing out Vamp babes 2- ugly Vamp Dude 3-Scantilly clad Vamp Babes 5 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  22-Dec-2000 (R)
  DVD: 12-Apr-2011

UK
  N/A

Australia
  15-Mar-2001 (M)




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