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Overall Rating

Awesome: 16.42%
Worth A Look: 13.43%
Average: 4.48%
Pretty Bad32.84%
Total Crap32.84%

4 reviews, 43 user ratings

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Left Behind: The Movie
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by Tony Hansen

"Cameron and Jesus: Saving the world, one soul at a time"
2 stars

Is there anything crueler than asking someone to name their favorite Kirk Cameron film? I mean, why do we have to choose just one? It’s a question that has been debated by scientists and theologians alike since the dawn of time and there is likely no answer in sight. Do we choose the hi-lar-i-ous "Like Father, Like Son?" Or is it the mind bending genius of "Listen to Me?" The child-like joie de vivre of "The Computer Who Wore Tennis Shoes?" Or the socially conscious "You Lucky Dog?" Possibly, the only thing comparable to choosing a favorite “Kirk” film is the painful decision made in "Sophie’s Choice." Truly, Kirk’s films are the world’s babies and our choice is just as difficult. Only lightly pondering the mind blowing possibilities makes my head hurt.

Well, count us blessed, then, (or is it cursed?) that the Kirk has given us another option. In Left Behind (a.k.a. Left Behind: The Movie) the Kirk lends his unbelievable screen charisma and charm to a religious film filled with faith, love, and a touch of anti-Christ. And who better than Cameron to lead the charge of a film which is so obviously meant to kiss up to Jesus? Because let’s face it - when the Kirk talks, the Savior listens. And so should we. But, come on. Left Behind(: The Movie) is the type of self-righteous, manipulative film making that allows the participants to reassert their faith while at the same time condescendingly draw a line in the sand for the rest of us. Give yourself to God before it’s too late. Yes, that means YOU!

Left Behind: The Movie asks its audience to imagine the end of days as written about in the book Left Behind, which asks its audience to imagine the end of days as written about in the book the Bible, which was written by men of God. Somewhere in the middle of that long pedigree a boring gene developed, however, and now the world is left with a film version of Armageddon that feels like it could have been written and directed by a pastor whose main passion in life is studying Danielle Steele novels. The made-for-tv movie tone and feel which marks the majority of Ms. Steele’s television work is carried over into Left Behind: The Movie. The emotions are broad. The passions run high. Relationships are mended and destroyed at unbelievably fast rates. Altogether, things feel a bit amateurish, as if the spirit of the work is meant to compensate for the obviously low budget. As a viewer, I can accept watching a Christian sci-fi, missionary film but what I can’t accept is being asked to get spiritual goose bumps over shoddy special effects and religious hyperbole.

It is probably pointlessly redundant to describe the plot of Left Behind: The Movie. Anyone with even a passing knowledge of “how the world will end” can imagine for themselves the film’s twists and turns and the more intimate relationship elements are relentlessly tired. Millions disappear for some “unexplainable” reason, and the rest of the world is left to live in a growing chaotic climate. Where did all of those people go? What’s happening and will happen to the everyone else? Watching the details unfold is simply an exercise in boredom. It’s difficult to care about a story that is always a step behind its audience. Ultimately, Left Behind: The Movie generates about as much mystery as an episode of Blue’s Clues.

It’s painful to write this but part of the blame for the failure of Left Behind: The Movie has to do with the casting of Kirk Cameron. I know. I know. I’m as big a Kirk fan as anyone, but can an audience really buy Cameron as an always-at-ground-zero, gets-his-hands-dirty investigative reporter? An epic, end-of -the-world drama starring Kirk Cameron? This is Mike Seaver we’re talking about, here. The Kirk still looks like he’s about twenty years old, and with his gangly physical appearance Cameron carries himself like a prepubescent giraffe. He doesn’t exude nearly enough intelligence, and he lacks the type of inner strength needed to be a major network news reporter. Left Behind: The Movie eats up the Kirk, our Kirk, and replaces him with an out-of-his-element doofus.

But I’m still a fan. And this is my message to Kirk: I know that you’re a religious guy and you want to spread the love throughout the world, but take it easy. Remember your strengths. You have a goof ball charisma. You have a stupid charm. Everyone likes you, even though many don’t dare to admit it. And you don’t have to kiss up to God, Kirk. You’ll get into heaven. You’re Kirk fucking Cameron. God’s a fan of "Growing Pains," even if you did call your best friend Boner.

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originally posted: 01/03/04 11:19:26
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User Comments

4/03/08 ABE BURROWS Sorry for those who don't get it! 5 stars
4/23/07 Steven Spielberg Fantastic! 5 stars
1/10/07 David Pollastrini could have been good with a big budget 3 stars
11/16/06 David Cohen Only works if you don;t realize that the rapture has no biblical support whatsoever 1 stars
10/09/06 Jeff This is a horrible movie, it sucked balls. 1 stars
1/01/06 Tanya makes you think 3 stars
12/21/05 Carolyn Rathburn Intreging, it is worth a look 4 stars
11/29/05 hibbyX Moronic Christian pap...only retards need apply. 1 stars
8/27/05 Michael A good wake up. Lack of ending though. 5 stars
3/01/05 megean this is a great movie a must see for christians 5 stars
2/25/05 jason totally cool it tells the truth about what will happen to the world. 5 stars
5/07/04 france G great movie! 5 stars
4/15/04 leena im 15 n find the film amazing with such hope!..and Kirk IS doing d right thing! 5 stars
1/23/04 Cathy Laws A terriffic movie makes you think 5 stars
1/09/04 Dear Tawyn Budget can't buy a good script or actors (PS the matrix sucked too) 2 stars
1/03/04 Edward B. I tried to read the series but sadly, it sucked as much as this pice of crap film 1 stars
10/21/03 Charles Tatum Hurried and miscast, too cheap to be affective 1 stars
4/18/03 Jack Sommersby Sometimes it's interesting, mostly it's ludicrous. Cameron is classically miscast. 2 stars
2/13/03 Uncle Salty If only I could drown myself... 1 stars
11/05/02 Vicious Quothe the Maynard: "Fuck your god!" 1 stars
2/06/02 EnronWeTrust My copy is still unopened. I'll take a nickel for it. 1 stars
10/14/01 Dan Books are great. Movie was OK but left out too much. 4 stars
6/26/01 Tawyn Loved the books, enjoyed the movie -don't expect a Speilberg!! They don't have his budget. 4 stars
6/16/01 joe I thought the movie and books were great. For ppl who thought it was bad, your loss. 5 stars
4/09/01 Gary This movie is soo boring. I love the books, but the movie is just bad. 2 stars
3/22/01 Del R If I could conjure up a picture of the Anti-Christ, he would be carpathia 4 stars
2/23/01 JDeak97 Best Movie of the Year 4 stars
2/15/01 Steve Burstall Not as good as the series, but worth watching 4 stars
2/13/01 KyLe*BrOfLoVsKi A subtle-as-a-jackhammer "right way is the right way" tripe. 1 stars
2/13/01 SJ Gave me physical pains 1 stars
2/08/01 Nut Not even bad enough for those who look to the loony religious right for voyeuristic fun. 1 stars
2/07/01 Turtle Pretty good on all counts. 3 stars
2/06/01 andrew The opening was good but the cinamitagraghy went down hill from there on 2 stars
2/06/01 Ghost072 You do realize this WAS a Movie of the Week, right? 1 stars
2/06/01 David W. Hillery The movie was great. The religion was simple, for those not up on the Bible. Good message. 4 stars
2/06/01 Anthony Carter It's those who revel in movie fantasy and hedonism that are the real weak-minded fools. 4 stars
2/05/01 keith fundamentalists amuse me - the ones in the theater with me thought this crap was "deep" 1 stars
2/05/01 JDavis Thinly disguised dogma designed to scare weak-minded fools into church 1 stars
2/03/01 Johnny Bravo I don't want to hear about this Christian, Bible propaganda BULLSHIT!!!!!!! 1 stars
2/03/01 Gar Great story carried to the big screen by well-intentioned but not quite convincing actors. 4 stars
2/03/01 HANK DRAKE We're talking Plan 9 From Outer Space BAD> 1 stars
1/31/01 Lee Great Film, must see, keeps you on the edge of your seat! 5 stars
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  02-Feb-2001 (PG-13)



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