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Overall Rating

Awesome: 15%
Worth A Look40%
Average: 2.5%
Pretty Bad: 17.5%
Total Crap: 25%

2 reviews, 28 user ratings

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Animal, The
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by Greg Muskewitz

2 stars

I was setting myself up for disappointment. My anticipation could only result in a letdown. Why I was even looking forward to this, I don’t really know, but I was. (Actually, it had to do with a combination of the well-assembled previews and the fact that it had Colleen Haskell in it.)

Given its premise, a left-for-dead loser (even in his fantasies he dreams about being a loser) is operated upon with animal parts and then released back into public, there are plenty of things one can think of that would affect his behavior once the animal tendencies start to take over. Hunger urges, sexual urges, etc.; the movie should have provided many opportunities to indulge in having silly, crude fun. But Rob Schneider and his co-author Tom Brady don’t take advantage of it. The humor is tame, weak and diluted. Instead, what they consider a riot is Schneider peeing at the corners of Haskell’s door to mark his territory, or Schneider coughing up a hairball, or Schneider using his keen sense of smell to sniff out a balloon of heroin up a smuggler’s rectum, etc. The best parts are in the previews — Schneider acting like Flipper, or dropping down to race like a cheetah, or flirting with a goat in heat. Debut director Luke Greenfield (who, according to the press kit, received a hand-written letter from Spielberg after seeing his high school short films, and urged him to continue — a much bigger laugh than anything in the movie!) wimps out on every occasion with nothing but quick and unoriginal sight-gags. The most surprising sight of the movie is Schneider with his shirt off — either he really pumped up for the part, or it was a digital effect. (It’s hard to tell the difference any more these days.) The most unappealing sight of the movie was Schneider’s “mock” hairy ass. Haskell isn’t bad, not like many wanted to claim she was (based on her one-word performance for the Blistex commercial), but unfortunately her talent doesn’t match her beauty. She may have turned down posing nude for Playboy, though she seems to have no qualms about the réclame of her headlights (under her shirt, naturally). The only creative thing I unexpectedly (and very briefly) caught was a mild parody of Björk’s music video of “Human Behavior,” whereby an imposter tune is mixed with the teddy bear-like costumed doctor retrieving Schneider's battered body.

With John C. McGinley, Ed(ward) Asner, Michael Caton and cameos by Norm McDonald and co-producer Adam Sandler.

[Not to be bothered with.]

link directly to this review at
originally posted: 06/09/01 10:54:32
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User Comments

5/27/06 Poof Disssapointing but I still thought it was good 4 stars
7/16/05 Mark Radburn The Funniest Movie Ever (keep an eye out for a Godzilla The Series Clip during the movie) 5 stars
8/03/04 Anthony G PIECE OF SHIT,rob shinider sucks balls "acting" 1 stars
2/20/04 jmsynth Surprisingly good. Some dull spots, but some real laughs as well 4 stars
8/01/03 Double G not that great of a movie 3 stars
6/01/03 Chiend This piece of shit makes Sandler's Mr. Deeds look like it was scripted ny Moliere. 1 stars
6/01/03 Rob Schneider Fuck this shit. Reminds me of an old Don Knotts movie. 1 stars
2/13/03 Lisa Bloody hardcase movie!!! I got told off for laughing so loud.......Oppps : ) 4 stars
1/03/03 John Aster Habig a little dr. moreau, little jekyll & hyde, little dr. dolittle lotta laughs 5 stars
7/02/02 palaboy101 A very funny movie, plus you get Colleen Haskell of Survivor. She's such a babe! 4 stars
5/28/02 Cat Good laughs, a cute movie but not for everyone 4 stars
5/15/02 Del It was entertaining. My wife loved it as well. 4 stars
4/06/02 Junshi 2 points - got bored, was not funny, basically plot is worth nothing. 1 stars
3/01/02 Chowie Pretty funny, not a classic, but what can you expect from people called Happy Madison? 4 stars
1/17/02 David A. Stupid, immature, and short, but, boy did I laugh! Class A bathroom humor! 5 stars
11/12/01 Mr. Hat (formerly Joe Zappa) Funny as seeing bin Ladin covered in gasoline being set on fire. 4 stars
11/04/01 Andrew Carden Crappy and Unfunny Piece Of Shit. 1 stars
8/06/01 ted v. FUNNY!!! c",) 4 stars
7/31/01 Roy Smith Did expect much yet was somehow still disappointed. 2 stars
6/17/01 Michael Better than Deuce Bigalow 4 stars
6/13/01 canuck I expected to like it. Was bored. Very bored. Movie sucked. 1 stars
6/07/01 Rampage awful, awful movie 1 stars
6/04/01 Jim Kidd Me and my girl were rolling on the floor during the whole movie 5 stars
6/04/01 zeitgeist i found more intelligence in "freddy got fingered" then in this piece of horseshit 1 stars
6/03/01 Bill Clinton This movie got me horny just like Monica did 5 stars
6/01/01 Spetters NO!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
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  01-Jun-2001 (PG-13)
  DVD: 03-Feb-2004


  02-Aug-2001 (M)

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