Ya know, in retrospect, I wish I had paid somebody the ticket price to kick my father in the balls for eighty-seven minutes. It couldn’t have been a much more painful sight to see. If there’s any justice in the universe at all, Freddie Prinze Jr’s dick will someday soon be turning black and falling off.I have a hard time going back over it in my head; my brain kept trying to trick me into swallowing my tongue just to make it stop. And at some point I seriously considered setting fire to the person behind me, just to have something stimulating to look at. It could not have been worse. At least I can’t imagine how it could have been, I’m sure they will find a way to fuck it up more before the sequel is set loose upon the world.
The plot, such as it is, is as follows; 1. The Scooby Gang fights. 2. The Scooby Gang separate. 3. The Scooby Gang reunites. 4. The Scooby Gang kick monster ass.
There ya go. I suppose I should have known to expect bad things from a movie that features not one but TWO inept chase scenes. But I did, at one point, have fond memories of being a little kid watching the cartoons. I know the source material was no great shakes either but somehow I don’t remember it being that shitty.
More than anything else I want to know who handed the money to Raja Gosnell, blaming actors is a wasted effort. Sure I’d like to see Mr. Prinze Jr. and Mr. Lillard clubbed to death by an angry movie-going public. But I’m afraid it would be like spanking a puppy a half hour after they made the mess. Add to that the fact that I don’t think the cast of Six Feet Under could have done a better job with the material in question. No, I reserve my real anger for the no-good sonofabitch studio suit that said “Hey let’s get the guy who directed BIG MOMMA’S HOUSE!”
While I’m on the subject of inarticulate rage…Mr. Rowan Atkinson, please, please flog you agent publicly and then fire them. You are too good a comic actor to been seen in the likes of this. I have this horrible picture of some mouth-breathing couple at the video store renting a Black Adder tape based on what they saw of you in this movie. No doubt they would return it the next day still mumbling about not being able to ‘get’ British humor.I have never in my life wished so fervently for the ability to kill via telekinesis. Everything that is offered up to us here is just flat out abysmal. I wanted to have fun with this one, I really did. However there is only so much room in my heart for overlooking rampant hackery in the name of a good time. And the worst of it was the alarming number of people in the theatre who were no in the least bit outraged. Fuck…fuck…fuck…FUCK. I hate the movie-going public.