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Overall Rating

Awesome: 11.48%
Worth A Look: 18.03%
Average: 5.74%
Pretty Bad: 18.85%
Total Crap45.9%

10 reviews, 62 user ratings

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3,000 Miles to Graceland
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by Greg Muskewitz

"Incessant eye-rape with pathetic laughable hodgepodge of 'style.'"
1 stars

3000 Miles to Graceland is a highly-decorated caper flick. For the sake of using some mathematical terminology since nowhere else in my life does it come in handy, our big equation is for five variables to attend the International Elvis Week in Las Vegas, in proper accouterment, and rob a casino of $3.2 million.

The variables (for thematic consistency, “e” standing in for Elvis) are (e)A (Kevin Costner), (e)B (Kurt Russell), (e)C (David Arquette), (e)D (Bokeem Woodbine) and (e)E (Christian Slater). (e)D, naturally being the expendable one in Hollywood, is taken out first, and when the cocky and annoying (e)E wants a percentage of D’s cut instead of (e)A getting all of it, (e)A betrays them and kills them all — or so he thinks. Our anti-hero is B, straight out of jail, and with the exception of some small precautions, isn’t going out of his way not to return. Maybe, if the filmmakers here were going for anything slightly within the realm of believability, this might have been called 3000 Miles to New York City, or even 3000 Miles to San Diego. But logic has very little prevalence here, and even though it is an “action extravaganza,” the logic-lessness works thoroughly to its disadvantage among many other things like plot gaps and kitschy style. After the idiotic opening credits sequence whereby two computer-animated scorpions duke it out, 3000 Miles has a catchy, flashy start up. There’s suspense and tension as they set-up to rob the casino, details unbeknownst to us. The action scene and gunfight is explosive and it initiates a certain expectation: the wildly preposterous, yet still enjoyable action movie. The kind where you don’t mind suspending your disbelief. That effect doesn’t even have the time to wear off, and instead we’re thrown a bucket-load (or maybe a week’s worth of pre-calculus homework) of asininity and no logic. The fun and unusual idea of the Elvis relation is quickly dismissed (and the linkage that is kept is purely hokey) and it goes into the dull, greasy mechanics of any other type of banal money heist-cum-road chase movie. What pile drives 3000 Miles to Graceland 3000-feet below, is the same thing that Snatch’s would-be director Guy Ritchie fudged up on: the vapid, non-existent style. Novice director Demian Lichtenstein tries to combine every trendy technical trick from Run Lola Run to Requiem for a Dream to The Matrix, und so weiter. We are incessantly eye-raped with condensed time shots, flash shots, strobe shots, rapid edits, slo-mo — even a bullet-dodging sequence right out of The Matrix. It turns into a pathetically laughable hodgepodge of wanna-be style. 3000 Miles is so obsessed with looking and acting cool, that it doesn't even capture the glitz of Las Vegas. The big gunfight in the casino, and an extravagantly drawn out car/van chase scene, removed from the context of the movie, are nicely, nevertheless excessively, composed and executed, but it is lacking everywhere else. The end tries to make up for it with a much over-extended and drawn out grand finale that is that last ill-stroked key on the calculator that turns into one giant “error” sign. (Not to change the subject from Boolean algebra to simple formula functions, but I am so tired of the calculated and scheming use of precocity of children in movies. This kid lacks the hard-edged talent of Natalie Portman’s Mathilda, or the memorable composure of Haley Joel Osment’s Cole.) All in all, this ride stops short — real short.

With Courtney Cox (minus the Arquette — although her husband is in the same movie, unless they divorced) and David Kaye.

[Not to be bothered with.]

link directly to this review at
originally posted: 02/23/01 18:13:54
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User Comments

2/14/18 Jack How the heck did this THING get made? It's beyond awful. 1 stars
9/13/17 morris campbell IT SUCKS 1 stars
3/23/16 David H. 3,000 miles to pure rubbish 1 stars
6/22/14 Richard Brandt Has Courtney Cox ever looked hotter? I don't think so! 3 stars
6/04/11 Andrew L I was throughly entertained! gotta love courtneys assets 5 stars
2/27/10 Jeff Wilder Better than its reputation. 4 stars
8/30/08 Shaun Wallner This is the kind of movie you fall asleep too. 1 stars
7/20/08 travis this movie is so underrated, its not great, but its solid entertainment 4 stars
6/20/07 --- Not even worth renting. Turned it off after about 35 minutes....a total mess 1 stars
4/12/06 Seanboy Big, dumb but one of the most surreal things i've witnessed, EricD hit the nail on the head 4 stars
8/30/05 ES good action, good cast, no need to rip on a movie played for fun 4 stars
6/21/05 Indrid Cold It doesn't suffer from bad acting, but just about everything else. 2 stars
6/09/05 Agent Sands Though it can be good, light fun, it's also extremely corny and dumb at times too. 3 stars
2/11/05 Jeff Anderson AN ACTING MILESTONE FOR KEVIN COSTNER, I'M NOT KIDDING! He's one mean & despicable SOB!!!!! 5 stars
2/05/05 tatum Completely formula, but done with style. Costner is fantastic 5 stars
2/02/05 G-Man excellent plot and awesome acting 5 stars
10/18/04 adam shaw (ivan campo) incredible, russell at his sizzling best!! 5 stars
9/13/04 Anarchist_101 This film is 'VERY' underrated... Hey, it's better than a Van Dame flick! 5 stars
6/26/04 Travado de Skol This is the one of the greatest films i have seen, the firt is gladiator and this came afte 5 stars
5/14/04 AngeFaitore Thomas Haden Church was hot, though. 2 stars
5/05/04 J.Peckerfoot Shame bout costner.its not a BAD film,its just not that great either.Watchable tho. 3 stars
1/16/04 Samuel a pretty decent film all in all 3 stars
1/04/04 moviebuff One plus: It's better than Horse Whisperer 1 stars
11/19/03 Jenny gicldod Courtney cox is Mean Petty Dumb 1 stars
6/26/03 cochese It was SUPPOSED to be cheesy. 4 stars
5/05/03 Jenny Tullwartz A Jailhouse Crock that Elvis would consider His Latest Shame if he had to see it. 2 stars
4/24/03 Andrew Carden Who Wrote This Film? A Donkey? Contrived and Mindless. 1 stars
3/23/03 GMan Will someone kill Costner please? Save me from this shit of a movie. 1 stars
3/11/03 Daniel T. Why do YOU write for this site? Looking for logic in the best US trash?Fuck Pulp Fiction! 5 stars
1/20/03 Jim Eh. Violent and shallow. Gets an extra star for tarting up Courteney Cox though. 3 stars
1/10/03 Ange Faitore The movie sucks but Thomas Haden Church looks hotter than ever and his acting is sharp! 2 stars
12/29/02 y2mckay Holy shit! Sommersby and I agree again! GUILTY PLEASURE - though more pleasure than guilt. 4 stars
12/29/02 Jon "Thumb the Toad" Lyrik Wait a second. Sommersby thinks this tripe is better than Memento? BAH! 1 stars
10/27/02 MarktheShark6 "Nobody ever says: 'the King is Down.'" This movie was great, wow... 5 stars
5/18/02 Candace Troy Powers Jenny, Don't Be Cruel, Hard Hearted Woman! Nothin' to get All Shook Up about! 3 stars
5/18/02 Jenny Tullwartz A Jailhouse Crock that Elvis would consider His Latest Shame if he had to see it. 2 stars
3/20/02 Aborted Gently This film was a guilty pleasure for me. It was so hokey and predictable, but fun to watch. 4 stars
11/01/01 jamie ward a must see this is the best movie of the year Kevin Costner 4 life 5 stars
9/29/01 Phoenix Has some elements of a good movie, but ends up being mediocre. 3 stars
8/14/01 SJKelley What movie were you watching? This was a very good film from beginning to end. 5 stars
8/09/01 Monday Morning I hate Kevin Costner's guts. He can't act and is probably a flaming asshole in real life. 1 stars
7/15/01 Rampage Goddam ugly movie... Russell's shoddiest of his career 1 stars
5/24/01 viking I won't waste my money on this crap 1 stars
5/23/01 Archibld Does this thing ever end???? 1 stars
4/26/01 Brian Elvis impersonators + machine guns + trashy women - socially redeeming value = GOOD TIMES! 4 stars
3/25/01 Sid 6.7 A guaranteed, insultingly lobotomized candidate for the 2001 recycling bin of clunkers 1 stars
3/20/01 val WHY ME GOD!?!?! WHY!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
3/09/01 Dave I should have gotten a fiber optic video scope and watched the inside of my butt for 2 hrs 1 stars
3/08/01 Joseph F. Thompson I thought it was a great film 5 stars
3/07/01 Mike If I were to die without going to confession I would gostraight to hell with the producers! 1 stars
3/02/01 greg morfoot awesome film 5 stars
3/02/01 Captain Highcrime Not enough Paul Anka if you ask me. 1 stars
3/02/01 Weasel Could've been good if they changed the actors, script, and director 1 stars
2/28/01 The Evil Penguin I Liked It. Pretty much. 4 stars
2/28/01 AK47 I SAID this movie would suck and TAJ yelled at me! 1 stars
2/27/01 Jeff Unique characters, love Lovitz, and Courteney Cox is worth watching alone 5 stars
2/27/01 The Bomb 69 ??????????????????????????????????????? 1 stars
2/25/01 *~Danielle*Ophelia~* (formerly KyLe*BrOfLoVsKi) 42 muscles to frown, 4 to extend your arm and smack all involved upside the head. 1 stars
2/24/01 Greyhound So it ain't Mission Impossible. Still fun, and Courteney Cox is HOT!! Needed more cast time 4 stars
2/24/01 Kairi Taylor A movie with Costner AND Russell in it....RUN MUTHAFUCKER RUN LIKE A BITCH IN HEAT!!!! 1 stars
2/24/01 Kiss My Grits WHY GOD WHY? 1 stars
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  23-Feb-2001 (R)



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