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Overall Rating
3.21

Awesome25.36%
Worth A Look: 21.53%
Average: 17.7%
Pretty Bad: 19.14%
Total Crap: 16.27%

8 reviews, 161 user ratings


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Austin Powers in Goldmember
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by Scott Weinberg

"More like Limpmember."
2 stars

Sequelitits catches up with Austin Powers in a big way. While the first entry was a surprisingly good time, and the sequel was somehow more entertaining than it probably should have been, the series comes spiraling back to earth with Goldmember.

A lazy, paint-by-numbers follow-up that takes great pains to include all the fans’ favorite characters (and punchlines) from the earlier films, Goldmember simply lurches along, pushing all the appropriate buttons, yet everyone onscreen seems completely bored with the project by now. Most importantly, it’s simply not very funny.

After starting the movie out with an unexpectedly clever tweak on Hollywood moviemaking, Goldmember slowly runs out of steam for the next 80-some minutes. In an effort to keep the Powers-faithful from exploding with rage, star (and co-screenwriter) Mike Myers has enlisted all the familiar faces to show up one more time. (What Robert Wagner and Mindy Sterling, two solid participants in the earlier movies, are doing in this film is beyond me. They look as if they were paid to hold the furniture down.) With the ‘casting continuity’ properly squared away, Myers opts to (once again) recycle the best gags from Parts 1 and 2 and invents a few new ways for us to laugh at urine, rear-ends, and flatulence.

The plot is nearly incomprehensible (as if it matters one whit), but as far as I could glean: Austin (Myers) is still battling the maniacal Dr. Evil (who aims to melt the polar ice caps thereby flooding the world...and is also played by Mike Myers), only this time that pale bald freak has a new ally – a Dutchman named Goldmember (Myers again, the hardest working man in...well, in the Austin Powers flicks, anyway). He has a gold…member. Ironic when you think about it: Myers takes the time to create a new villain, names the movie after him, battles out of court to retain the usage of the moniker…and then the damn character is A) barely used and B) offers not one single laugh. Not one. No kidding. If you thought the addition of the Fat Bastard character (as played by yet another Canadian comedian named Mike Myers) signaled the end of the Austin Powers franchise, wait till you see the stupidity that is Auric Goldmember. With a massive bulge in his crotch and a predilection for eating his own dead skin, the titular character is a gaping black hole in the middle of this tiresome farce.

Not content to simply add a new villain to this sequel’s ridiculously overcrowded stable of characters, Myers also offers a new femme fatale named Foxxy Cleopatra (the charming Beyonce Knowles) and a previously unmentioned father figure played by Michael Caine. My initial reaction upon hearing that Caine took this role was that of bemused anticipation; after seeing the film, I’m wondering why Caine even bothered. In other words, he (like over half the cast) is given virtually nothing to do. Even the affable Seth Green, generally employed as a breath of delightfully acerbic air in the earlier movies, is totally wasted here.

Goldmember is all about going-through-the-motions. You can almost see the filmmakers checking off items on their list of Austin Powers ‘requirements’. Gone is the freewheeling playfulness of the original movie; it must be near impossible to maintain that sort of subversive freshness when you’re now responsible for a movie studio’s biggest cash cow. Are there a few laugh-out-loud moments to be found in Goldmember? Sure, but you have to sift through a whole lot of tiresome moments (too numerous to mention), pointless cameos (Nathan Lane?), and self-referential in-jokes that would be a whole lot funnier…if the joke weren’t on the audience.

While neither International Man of Mystery or The Spy Who Shagged Me could hardly be considered works of filmmaking brilliance, the third entry displays a stunning ineptness at simply telling a story. I realize that the film is meant to be nothing more than a series of comedy set pieces, but the first two entries at least had A-B-C plots that you could follow along with. Without some sort of narrative structure (however flimsy), your ‘story’ becomes a ‘variety show’. Goldmember is a series of indulgent character introductions (and re-introductions – as if anyone seeing this film somehow missed the first two), lazily attempted exposition scenes, and a whole lot of belabored bits. (Fred Savage with a massive mole on his face: funny for about 14 seconds, right? Yet this gag is milked as feverishly as would be the world's last cow.) Every 15 minutes, I found something supremely amusing in Goldmember. Unfortunately, that equals out to about 6 solid laughs spread over 90 minutes; you’ll find more than 6 laughs in the first ten minutes of the first Austin Powers adventure.

On the other hand, if you think the accident-prone midget Mini-Me (Verne Troyer) represents the pinnacle of American comedy, Goldmember may be your new favorite film. The diminutive guy deserves top billing here. As for Myers, he does strike a handful of solid yuks, but it's plain to see that his heart isn't in it...or maybe he's just exhausted from playing seventeen frantic characters.

Much like this summer’s Men in Black sequel, Goldmember is rife with threadbare and off-puttingly familiar humor, rehashed concepts (most of which were not all that amazing to begin with), visibly bored performers, and a shockingly shallow devotion to overt product placement. (I counted 6 in the first 25 minutes.)

Once again, the moviegoing public is essentially punished for making one small movie a massive hit. It’s only logical to assume that a moneymaker like Austin 1 would spawn a sequel (or four), but that doesn’t mean they have to be so damned generic.

Far from the worst sequel ever made, but surely you have better things to spend 9 bucks on than ‘far from the worst sequel ever made’.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=5101&reviewer=128
originally posted: 07/26/02 14:25:43
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User Comments

6/01/10 User Name It's hard to laugh at the jokes when you're too busy trying to figure out the confused plot 2 stars
3/04/08 Pamela White Mike does it good as always 5 stars
3/02/08 SamanthaPayntr laugh out loud funny, with some really hilarious moments! Mooooole 5 stars
4/24/07 David Risser Interesting twist at the end, I would like to see Scott Evil be the main villain. 5 stars
4/13/07 David Pollastrini not great, not terrible 3 stars
2/16/07 Vip Ebriega Continues the comic laughs of the series. 4 stars
1/23/07 del Definitely the weakest of the three, hands down. 3 stars
12/01/06 Browncoat This movie smells bad.Something must have died in it... like Mike Myers' "acting" career. 1 stars
11/13/06 Trent You have to be in a good mood to watch this i almost pissed myself 5 stars
10/08/06 isis I hate intolerance, and the Dutch 4 stars
9/14/06 Booksworm This movie stunk so badly I maxed out 3 credit cards on Febreeze 1 stars
9/08/06 date movie sucks worst one 1 stars
8/19/06 Beau i loved the beginning i thort it was funni, i loved the laughing toothless guy 4 stars
4/27/06 poo The most disapointing movie in 2002 2 stars
4/01/06 Anthony Feor If fart jokes make you laugh, then this is your film 3 stars
11/04/05 Indrid Cold Unfunny rehash of 2, whereas 2 was a funny rehash of 1. 3 stars
7/14/05 Sully this movie sucked on it own goldmember 1 stars
6/26/05 ryan I love goldmember. movie was good. 3 stars
6/24/05 tony Can the movie be any dryer? well funny at times but ending very crap 3 stars
5/18/05 Pippin007 Laughed a lot. Its OK 4 stars
1/19/05 Keaton the Black Jackal Okay, I'm not into potty humor, but I haven't laughed so hard at a movie in a long time. 5 stars
10/26/04 ELI This one was ok, but the other two were a lot better 3 stars
10/25/04 Chelsea This is the love of my life. 5 stars
10/04/04 DM This series has been officially mined for all of its good jokes now. 2 stars
9/10/04 jeff people find this movie either halarious or stupid, i love gooooooold 5 stars
9/01/04 A upton I likee a lot,,,,i`m a simple man. 4 stars
7/13/04 kitfo1 unfairly maligned. Beyonce surprises as the best Austin foil, and the Dutch get theirs 4 stars
5/20/04 kektex failed to find a single funny moment in this film.its sad what the US passes off as comedy 1 stars
5/11/04 tatum The series is getting worse as it goes along 3 stars
5/02/04 J It's funny but not hilarious like the other 2! Needs Work! ** 1/2 3 stars
4/14/04 Cat & De The movie was funny & great because we new the words!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
4/08/04 chloe it is the best 5 stars
2/29/04 Littlepurch Really original and by far the best of the 3. All the actors and joke were hilarious! 5 stars
1/27/04 Chloe Brody Fat Bastard did you just soil yourself?! Maybe... 5 stars
1/21/04 Bemused Often A commercial failure...overproduced and enough wretched humor to really piss me off. 1 stars
12/09/03 Peter Having loved the first two Austin Powers films, was disappointed greatly w/ this garbage!!! 2 stars
10/09/03 BEN SALLUSTIO awesome movie 5 stars
10/09/03 BEN SALLUSTIO awesome movie 5 stars
9/18/03 Samuel Justus Why didnt they make a 'Waynes World 3' ?? oh why... 3 stars
9/16/03 Ghetto Smurf You guys only say it sucks because it's a sequel. You're just going along with the crowd. 5 stars
8/31/03 Tyler This movie rocks 5 stars
8/02/03 Scott young YEAH BABY! YOU ROCK YOUR MY HERO AND FAVOURITE ACTOR! 5 stars
7/17/03 kyle i liked it alot and i think it is sick how goldmember eats his skin 5 stars
7/08/03 jodan it was great 5 stars
6/26/03 cochese Enough Already! 2 stars
4/28/03 leon %%0qwe ozzy osbourne was right we already have seen this one 2 many times 2 stars
4/23/03 scarer baihn it is sooooo awesome!!! I ted it on DVD and I counted 100 times that I watched it . 5 stars
4/11/03 Jack Bourbon Lots of crap, lots of pants-pissers. 4 stars
3/23/03 Winthrop J Applesmythe III it wasn't very good. it wasn't that bad. IF they make another one, i hope it's better. 3 stars
3/18/03 Mike If they're smart they'll stop with this one 3 stars
3/17/03 Peter This movie certainly lives up to the first two. Beyonce was the only person who didn't fit. 5 stars
3/17/03 Jon "Thumb the Toad" Lyrik One hilarious scene, a few sporadic mild laughs, and that's it. Blah!! 1 stars
3/09/03 Film Dude THIS FILM IS NOT FUNNY. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? 1 stars
3/02/03 Dean my winkie 5 stars
2/19/03 y2mckay Moments of hilarity, but this shit is SO played out. Love them Fook twins, tho! 2 stars
2/03/03 Movie Madness It so rules- Beyonce Knowles is faboulous . Anyone who hates this should be subitted to sp 5 stars
1/27/03 blah beyonce sucks. someone should shoot her. 3 stars
1/27/03 JUN Absolute bore! Don't waste your hard earned money! 1 stars
1/16/03 Jon Shmoke and a pancake anyone? 5 stars
1/12/03 Trying to leave looser heaven but you guys are NOT helping...good god whats wrong wit 1 stars
1/10/03 HoTtGuRl best fuken movie ever, i know the whole script by heart 5 stars
1/09/03 shiloh worse than the first 2, if that is, in fact, possible 1 stars
1/01/03 Sabine In my eyes it contained just as much creativity as its predecesors, bring on the 4th one 5 stars
12/31/02 John Aster Habig crude but a nice clean up from the second 4 stars
12/19/02 J. Long I thought is was just great mindless humor. Great movie to rent on a rainy day. 4 stars
12/19/02 max zhang I laughed once. Then I ass raped the wife because it was more fun. 3 stars
12/09/02 J. Chusing Laughed my bleeping ass off. 5 stars
12/09/02 Bluto My god, it was just painfull 1 stars
11/25/02 cinkcool good 5 stars
11/23/02 Kyle Utter SHIT. Recycled crap that wasn't all that funny to begin with. 1 stars
11/12/02 keenan its so funny i loved dr evil's rap!!! go and see it 5 stars
11/09/02 Stevo I laughed once. Fat Bastard & Goldmember are dreadful characters. At least there's Dr Evil. 1 stars
11/01/02 chrisbeckett gold member was good 5 stars
10/28/02 Robyn Jamil-Walid Best of series, although I wished Heather Graham was back 4 stars
10/23/02 uter The next Peter Sellers, my ass. Completely void of wit. 1 stars
10/22/02 Settle The first one was good, the second one had me hooked, but this one was just..... bad 1 stars
10/22/02 Jiz I'm with Steph. Total letdown, boring recycled shit. Did I mention Fat Bastard isn't funny? 1 stars
10/21/02 josh cool 5 stars
10/18/02 jason penny quite funny 4 stars
10/14/02 chris even more stupid than the first sequel bu still very funny at times 4 stars
10/10/02 Cat It wasn't even a movie just a bunch of skits put together... bad plot same old jokes 1 stars
10/09/02 Steph The recycled jokes from 1&2 werent funny & the ending sucked. The 2nd movie was the best. 1 stars
10/09/02 Britney Tailor The most awesome and funniest movie ever 5 stars
10/07/02 Sheridan The usual over-hyped crap that deserves to be burnt 1 stars
10/07/02 Nevz Enough already, this is getting boring! 1 stars
10/06/02 Incubassist Myers, stop it. Good, to bad, to "i want to die". STOP IT!!!!!!!! 1 stars
10/05/02 Zargo sometimes good, sometimes bad 3 stars
9/30/02 CrowEater Not anywhere near as funny or clever as the other Austin Powers movies, please kill it now. 3 stars
9/29/02 Peter Sherlock Mind numbing poo jokes for morons 1 stars
9/27/02 Metalboy How about Don't Myers.. 3 stars
9/27/02 Digi LOL 5 stars
9/26/02 JUN Just like a cold pizza of yesterday 1 stars
9/26/02 Dom Corleone Damn You Myers! 1 stars
9/23/02 Notsobookworm Was silly and brainless, but good fun 4 stars
9/23/02 syrius I TRIED to laugh, but just couldn't do it 2 stars
9/23/02 Eloise Make it stop.....please make it stop! 1 stars
9/22/02 Anarchy Azmi ugig 4 stars
9/21/02 spacecowboy "how about NO...." 3 stars
9/19/02 dlsag` fwep[f 5 stars
9/12/02 laron chapman FUNNY AS HELL THE BEST OF THE 3 5 stars
9/11/02 SadFan Sucked the big floppy donkey shlong 1 stars
9/10/02 David A. The peeing scene was great! Yeah, baby! 4 stars
9/09/02 Movie guy A GOOD FILM 4 stars
9/05/02 Dominik Duprelle Its MONEY FOR OLD ROPE isn't it? But then there are funny bits, howabout something new? 3 stars
9/03/02 PeterGibbons The worst kind of crap. There wasn't even a story. Meyers, the corporate schill. 1 stars
9/02/02 AshFan This is my favorite one! Mike Myers is 4 people!!! See it again and again!! 5 stars
8/25/02 Shane Meritt Yeah Baby! 5 stars
8/24/02 Natasha the best part was when Britney Spears' head exploded, most of the audience was cheering!!! 3 stars
8/19/02 Butterbean Meyers is a genius for making a shitload of money from just rehashing his old scripts. 2 stars
8/18/02 The Bomb 69 funniest of the bunch, even the repeated jokes were good!!! 5 stars
8/15/02 tim A movie to entertain you after seeing the disapointing attack of the craps! 4 stars
8/13/02 Cannibus Loved that hilarious beginning! (Go Spielberg!) Sporadic laughs throughout. Hated GM char. 3 stars
8/12/02 masin wolliams so bad that i went straight home and threw the first two austin powers dvds in the garbage 1 stars
8/07/02 Punk_Ass Fook Mi? no Fook Yu!! Funny fucking movie. 5 stars
8/06/02 sarahfar88 never laughed so hard in my life, loved the prison rap with the song from Annie, very funny 5 stars
8/06/02 Big B Jam-packed & clever, like they actually worked hard on this one. Some jokes pushed too far. 5 stars
8/05/02 Lexy Z. Funny. 4 stars
8/05/02 Edler Not too good. Needs a strong producer to shut down the inside jokes, etc. 2 stars
8/04/02 jarrod_101 sort of a rehash of the first two..had just enough charm and laughs to make it worth while. 4 stars
8/02/02 David When you laugh, you laugh hard, spend the rest trying to stay awake.... 3 stars
8/02/02 bullit17 Definitely the dumbest of the three AP movies. But quite possibly the funniest. 4 stars
8/02/02 gw bush if u liked the first two, you'll love this one. 5 stars
8/02/02 M mmmm.. more drivel 2 stars
8/02/02 Ashley M.M is hysterical! 5 stars
8/02/02 Crunchyfrog Disappointing baby, YEAH!! 2 stars
8/01/02 Gibbo Purile and revolting (except the opening scenes) 1 stars
8/01/02 loaded1200 ended INCREDIBLY weakly! Seems to be a theme in AP movies... 4 stars
7/31/02 Roy Smith It's a Mini-Comedy with 1/8 the humor of the others 3 stars
7/31/02 Matt Take it for what it is, and you will love it. 4 stars
7/31/02 Art Richardson Fucking Ausome 5 stars
7/31/02 davebo approximately 1/18th as funny as the first, a few laughs 2 stars
7/31/02 Christopher Decent 3 stars
7/30/02 Paul This is a great, fun movie, but don't be expecting Shakespeare. 5 stars
7/30/02 Lauren Not a good as the second but still better than half the other crap out there! 4 stars
7/30/02 Blubberbot This movie is for the dumb. I loved the first 2. 1 stars
7/30/02 Pit It's a very good comedy film 4 stars
7/30/02 Butterbean Mike was just going through the motions 2 stars
7/29/02 Nick2k not original, but it was still funny. i have no faith in AP4 though. time to retire austin. 4 stars
7/29/02 patrick I think the movie was great I especially liked foxy cleopatra and fat bastard 5 stars
7/29/02 Obi Wan I was very disappointed, Not even close to 2nd one and about same as 1st one. 2 stars
7/29/02 Girl 9 If you don't laugh out loud in this one you have no sense of humor. 5 stars
7/29/02 CooterJoe It's not the worst best I've seen, but after a few beers it made me chuckle a bit. 3 stars
7/29/02 The Truth The first two were inventive but this one doesn't have a single original or funny joke. 1 stars
7/29/02 Burp This film leaves cinematic skid marks. Total crap... 1 stars
7/29/02 Film Guy Funny as hell. The second best in the series, 4 stars
7/29/02 Ramblin' Wreck This series keeps getting funnier and funnier.....Bring on AP4! 5 stars
7/28/02 erick better then second, worst then first, worth a watch 4 stars
7/28/02 K brittneys head explodes..other than that.. it sucked 2 stars
7/28/02 Law Mike Myers is a comic GOD!! 5 stars
7/28/02 Kyle Better then one might expect. First hour is absolute crap, though. 4 stars
7/28/02 BrodieMan More erratic than the first two, but just as funny. And that's what counts. 5 stars
7/27/02 Anders Much funnier than AP2, but this should be the end of the line. 5 stars
7/27/02 Benjamin Leatherman A bit too frenetic, but still funny and better than the last one. Kill the series now. 4 stars
7/27/02 bob first 5 min are funny, rest okay, don't pay full price, better than MIB2 4 stars
7/27/02 I love gooooold Better than the other two, everyone in the audience loved it 5 stars
7/27/02 dixie nourmous good ol' potty humor 4 stars
7/26/02 AgentDS Damn! I've never seen these many cameos! 4 stars
7/26/02 Y2JChicago Very Very Funny. Tons of jokes, most work 4 stars
7/25/02 Superdave Fricken Hilarious, Baby 5 stars
7/24/02 Sideshow VERY funny at times - fans will NOT be disappointed 5 stars
7/23/02 The Talking Elbow NA NA NA NA NA NA... RECYLED JOKES!!! NA NA NA NA NA NA... RECYLED JOKES! 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  26-Jul-2002 (PG-13)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  19-Sep-2002


Directed by
  Jay Roach

Written by
  Mike Myers
  Michael McCullers

Cast
  Mike Myers
  Michael York
  Seth Green
  Beyonce Knowles
  Michael Caine
  Verne Troyer



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