"As an action flick, if action was meat, Sena is a Vegan."
Dominic Sena wouldn’t know how to handle an action movie if it bit him in the keister. After turning “Gone in Sixty Seconds” (which the press kit for this states: “…SENA, who helmed the fast-paced action thriller…”) into porridge in sixty minutes, he certainly has not learned anything in anticipation of his next mistake, “Swordfish.”Hollywood crock about a good-guy terrorist battling other world terrorists (John Travolta) by sacrificing whatever we have to on our account. Our hero/anti-hero is Hugh Jackman, an “ex” hacker who joins sides with the baddies because his daughter is put on the line. What’s more difficult than cracking a government code in sixty-seconds while getting a blowjob? How about stomaching anything this tries to feed you? (After Travolta’s anti-Hollywood speech at the beginning, once you see the direction that this has gone in, you’ll be sneezing “bullshit” by the end.) Filmed in an annoying orangish tint (with an even more infuriating in-and-out-of-focus gimmick in the opening scene), while the first (not to mention biggest) stunt is employed (for the first time) — a 360-degree “Matrix”-style shot — and may give cause for your eyes to temporarily widen, it defers your desire for any other type of action via a flashback, until near the end. (Notwithstanding a tiny snack at the half-way point.) In any case, it leaves you famished. Sena is too busy trying to make the good-yet-still-bad-guy(s) moral and respectful people. Travolta’s coif looks like a mutated trim from his locks in “Battlefield Earth.” As for the fuss that Halle Berry’s breasts have made, big whoop. Maybe when I was 15 and first saw them clearly through her dress in a picture from the April 1997 issue of “Buzz Magazine” (page 36 for reference) it was cause for some admiration. Now, with her rumored inflated paycheck, all it gets from me is a who cares?
And why, when the elementary-aged daughter pulls out her own cell phone in the schoolyard, did no one but me find that ridiculously hilarious?
With Don Cheadle and Sam Shepard.Final Verdict: D+.