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Overall Rating
1.13

Awesome: 0%
Worth A Look: 0%
Average: 0%
Pretty Bad: 12.5%
Total Crap87.5%

1 review, 2 user ratings


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Erotic Ghost, The
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by Scott Weinberg

"Dead Slut 'n Sweaty Devil!"
1 stars

Imagine my surprise when I received this wacky DVD title in the mail. I was mildly intrigued, partially because of the enticing title, but mainly because of the massive set of hooters plastered on the front of the case.

So late one night, away from the prying eyes of people more moral than myself, I popped the disc in and poured myself a Coke.

The first thing I noticed was that this was porn. Not real porn (perish the thought), but instead it was that cheesy Cinemax/Spice Channel stuff that just shows bobbing heads and sweaty backs. I was bored. Yes, that's right...I found myself speeding through the sex scenes to see what the plot was! Now if that's not irony, then my dictionary is broken.

So in between all the dimly-lit and tattoo-parlor-ish moments of simulated yim-yamming, here's what I was able to glean: A young wife sends her insensitive husband off to work one morning and promptly begins the day's work of holding down the couch with her fat ass...when all of a sudden...

A naked ghost lady appears and lunges for her nether-regions. Three chapter stops later, the two ladies pry themselves off each other and the pornographic poltergeist tells the housewife how she's to haunt this house and pleasure whosoever shall blah blah blah...

I sped right through more sweat until I saw a lady in a devil costume. OK, surely this was the protagonist; the character that would open up the story and allow some of the more dramatic elements to unfold between these three symbolic symbols: the ghost, the devil and the tubby-ass housewife.

Woop. My bad. More chubby lesbian footage, only this time the devil lady starts lunging for crotches like her face was on fire. The best thing I can say about this movie is that the furniture sure was strong.

These kind of low-budget grope-fests do the impossible by making simulated sex boring! I felt completely robbed and abused when I realized that this movie had absolutely no intention of offering anything of horror aside from the naked sweaty ghost lady, the naked sweaty devil lady...come to think of it, the tubby-ass sweaty housewife was pretty grungy too! Eww!

Just so you know I didn't just make this movie up, I'll now offer a small portion of regular movie review stuff:

The Erotic Ghost was directed by soft-core cinema artiste John Bacchus. (Clever name there.) Best known for his classic films Erotic Survivor, The Erotic Witch Project and the Golden Globe winning Gladiator Eroticus: The Lesbian Warriors, Bacchus is known in seedy video-store back rooms the world over as the guy who puts the word erotic in all his movie titles. (Don't believe me? Check IMDb!)

Tammy Parks gives a rod-wilting performance as The Ghost, as she looks too much like your best friend's Mom from when you were a Cub Scout. As The Devil, Victoria Vega is obviously giving it her all. I never knew a devil could sweat so much! Lastly, the rotund housewife is played by none other than Darian Crane, star of about 4 or 5 movies you may have seen but would never admit to it even if you did know the titles. These three roll about all over the place, occasionally uttering some arcane nonsense about ghostly responsibilities and the importance of penicillin. Fans of "erotic horror" (if there are indeed any of those in existence) will be sorely disappointed in this one.

But if you're into unsexy and desperately perspiring naked women wearing Halloween masks, email me. I may have a DVD you'd like.

Note: I wrote this review a while ago and this nasty-ass disc is no longer in my collection. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PEOPLE, stop emailing me!

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=5419&reviewer=128
originally posted: 07/02/01 11:19:56
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User Comments

7/02/01 Boomshanka It got me off. Nuff said. 2 stars
7/02/01 Klute Yee-haw! 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  02-Jul-2000

UK
  N/A

Australia
  02-Jul-2000




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