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Overall Rating
2.38

Awesome: 14.29%
Worth A Look: 2.38%
Average: 16.67%
Pretty Bad40.48%
Total Crap: 26.19%

3 reviews, 24 user ratings


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Bones
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by Scott Weinberg

"Why not just stick with history and call this one 'Blackrueger'?"
2 stars

Modern horror movie producers are obviously under the assumption that Gorehounds have no memory. How else could you explain it when every "new" horror flick is nothing more than scenes and concepts lifted whole from earlier (and only marginally better) movies? Or maybe it's just that ripping off other movies is so much easier than doing something new. Yeah, that must be it.

Nod your head if you've seen the following movies:

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Hellraiser

Candyman

Any movie featuring a "haunted house".
m
OK, if you nodded your head at least three times, consider yourself pardoned from ever seeing Bones. You've already seen it. Trust me.

The titular character is Jimmy Bones, who was a mellow (yet very powerful) street-hustler and drug dealer back in the day. Seems his competition wanted Jimmy B. out of the way, and they go about removing the local kingpin in rather gruesome style. Of course before Jimmy heads off to the underworld, he vows revenge on his killers. Then his body is dumped in the basement of his ghetto tenement. Smart move there, eh?

Twenty years later, a group of enterprising youths purchase the creepy old crack house, and set about giving it a facelift. Their plan is to turn the place into a kickin' new dance club. The undead corpse in the basement seemingly has other plans.

Bones begins to regenerate himself by claiming new victims (that's the Hellraiser part) while also stalking his murderers from beyond the grave (that's only part of the Elm Street resemblances). It all comes to a maggot-strewn conclusion as Jimmy's haunted home is ready for its opening night rave.

Director Ernest Dickerson (Juice, Demon Knight) infuses a solid visual flair into the familiar proceedings, but the film is completely undone by its tired, unoriginal and intermittently vapid screenplay. (The few attempts at "social commentary" are laughably pointless, presented in between scenes of moldering corpses and maggot showers.) A few solid gore scenes enliven the proceedings, but they're too few and far between for any self-respecting horror freak to get behind.

The cast is uniformly forgettable, aside from the few actors who are simply awful. Pam Grier (Jackie Brown) seems intent on driving the express lane back to Career Obscurity, and Snoop Dogg (as Bones) tries hard to play the villain as laconic and laid-back, yet somehow comes off seeming more sleepy than anything. None of the potential victims (teenagers) are worthy of mention, aside from the fact that most of them die ugly deaths onscreen. Which is nice.

A handful of graphically nasty scenes manage to save this one from being a total waste. It's just too bad that every horror movie released these days has a numeral attached to it, or in this case...should have one.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=5580&reviewer=128
originally posted: 11/14/01 14:14:34
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User Comments

5/01/10 Jerome Cook Eric D snider is a racist. ever heard of queen latifah or will smith fucker? 3 stars
9/03/08 Shaun Wallner Great film!! 5 stars
10/15/07 fools♫gold Blegh. 2 stars
10/19/04 Jdub ight 3 stars
1/13/04 American Slasher Goddess Good God, make the pain go away. 1 stars
12/08/03 Samuel I thought it had a good premise, and Snoop Dogg is a very talented actor!! 3 stars
11/10/03 SLAVE MASTER snoop dogg can lick my unwashed white balls - i feel like raping cats. cats are fuckin' hot 1 stars
9/18/03 Samuel Justus Decent Horror movie with the only decent Rapper! 5 stars
9/03/03 Charles Tatum What's more horrific: rap music or Snoop's attempt to act? 1 stars
5/15/03 Den Beire Scary for 45minutes. Then total crap. 3 stars
4/23/03 LIAM JACKSON this is great.it was funny when snoop put the pieces of mirror in the cop's back. 5 stars
3/25/03 HE great 5 stars
3/08/03 Elexus Deloach It was okay, it's just that you could tell this movie was so fake 3 stars
3/02/03 !! A GREAT FILM 5 stars
2/24/03 shibba hibba whim wam sooooobidlledinlay ! uuh...... no. NIGGA PLEASE ! ! ! 1 stars
10/07/02 Butterbean Snoop is horrible. Pam Grier deserves better,but I was amused by the cheesiness. 3 stars
9/05/02 Fish Eye Really bad, but kind of entertaining! Snoop Dogg is smooth cat! 2 stars
6/27/02 Film Guy Not what I expected Not very good at all. And I'm a Big Snoop Doog fan 2 stars
4/13/02 Conor Beardesley Snoop showed me how to make a real firing pistol in prison out of a magazine 5 stars
3/09/02 Danielle Ophelia It sucks, but at this point in time, I'm willing to take what I can get. 2 stars
12/26/01 Roy Smith Dig a hole, stick this movie in it, bury it, and then piss on it. 2 stars
11/19/01 Boy In The Designer Bubble Snoop Dog and Nany Reagan in the same room! Now that would be a scary movie!!! 3 stars
11/15/01 Nick Schneider You're being too hard on it! It's actually a rip-off of "J.D.'s Revenge", and it was fun! 4 stars
10/28/01 MR T YOUR SITE IS SHIT 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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  24-Oct-2001 (R)

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