"You'll need a good wash after sitting through this one."
If a white filmmaker were behind the wretched ugliness that is The Wash, he'd be branded the most racist director since D.W. Griffith. But I guess it's perfectly acceptable to fill your movie with the most horrifying racial cliches and pathetic stereotypes imaginable...if your name is "D.J. Pooh".As a director, D.J. Pooh has given us Friday, Next Friday, Three Strikes and The Wash. Combine those four movies and you might get one quality comedy. It would be called Friday.
Obviously inspired by Michael Schultz's cult classic Car Wash, this one centers around the wacky crew of a (you guessed it) car wash. That's about it, plot-wise. The gang consists of a mean-spirited and ignorant pothead (played with equals parts disdain and irritability by the Snoop Dogg, one of this generation's most unentertaining "actors"), a goofy lowlife who likes to steal money from cars (stop, my sides are killing me) and the recently-hired nice guy who quickly abuses his power.
Sprinkled throughout the proceedings are a host of broad, unoriginal and ugly characters. Get this: Tiny Lister plays a gigantic moron who likes to smack people! The only white character in the film is a ridiculously evil vandal who threatens to blow up the car wash with everyone inside. He calls about 12 times throughout the movie, each time more annoying than the last.
Dr. Dre plays Sean, the newest employee at The Wash. Luckily for Sean, he is hired as an assistant manager, which means he can now boss all his idiot pot buddies around and act like a jerk. His roommate is a guy called Dee Loc (Snoop) who simply smokes weed all day. That's his thing. This is what happens when filmmakers assume that the very sight of marijuana is the pinnacle of hilarity. Throw a lot of smoke and some joints onscreen, and the weed fans will eat it up. Wrong. Stoned moviegoers would rather laugh at funny jokes than watch annoying jerks get high onscreen. Trust me.While it's far from the only "urban comedy" to prove itself mean-sprited, ugly and wrong-headed, The Wash definitely ranks among the lowest. If you've been searching for one movie that lacks charm, talent or anything resembling one measly belly laugh, rent this one.