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Overall Rating
2.91

Awesome: 25.45%
Worth A Look: 21.82%
Average: 3.64%
Pretty Bad: 16.36%
Total Crap32.73%

5 reviews, 25 user ratings


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Out Cold (2001)
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by Scott Weinberg

"I'd bet my DVD player that this screenplay is older than I am."
1 stars

Did we just hit some kind of burp in the 'sex-comedy' space-time continuum? I can only assume that this movie was meant to be released in 1983, yet somehow jumped forward in time to 2001. Well I'm no scientist, but I can tell you this movie is pretty damn awful.

Remember back in the day when sheer stupidity could pass for heroism in movies? The more slothful and childish the character was, the more likely we were to root for them. While all the other people onscreen were getting by on looks, brains, brawn or talent, the gaggle of goofy frat boys were always one well-paced fart away from getting the girl.

Oh, come on. You remember. Animal House and Caddyshack set the stage for a slob ruling class, and the studios flocked to churn out the exploits of the young and disgusting. I'm sure your high school years weren't filled with weekend marathons of Hot Dog...The Movie, Up the Creek, Joy Sticks, Private School and Fraternity Vacation. Mine were. (Kinda sad, huh?) These movies (and probably over a hundred others) presented us with a collection of allegedly lovable and horny misfits who belched, farted and ejaculated themselves into our hearts. (Kinda gross, huh?)

These movies became rather extinct in the late 80's, victim of something called "John Hughes", but like any ridiculously predictable Hollywood cycle, the horny teens are back. Thanks to the success of the rather entertaining American Pie and Road Trip, the copycats are now hitting earth in full force. (I bet you were wondering where crap like Tomcats and Freddy Got Fingered were coming from!)

The latest addition to this tiresome trend is the "wacky snowboard comedy" Out Cold. The plot covers the identical ground from 15 years ago, and even the exact same characters are pulled out of the mothballs. We have a small group of annoying friends, each one more obsessed than the other about the minutiae of bare boobies, beers and latent homosexuality. There's the fat annoying one, the skinny weird one, the manic black one, the gay one who gets made fun of, and the bland one. Logically, the bland one is the hero.

The bland one has a perfectly lovely young lady who digs him, yet the moron is still hung up on some girl who dumped him in Mexico. Imagine the inane plot contrivances when the exact same girl shows up in Alaska! We now have an instant (and inert) love triangle to wedge in amidst all the jokes about penises.

About 55 minutes into the film, everyone seemed to realize they had no PLOT. So in trudges Lee Majors as a sleazy corporate guy who wants to BUY the mountain! And throw OUT all the lazy ass-obsessed slobs who do nothing all day! If you can't guess where this tired old plot is going, I'm surprised you can work a computer.

I would mention that Out Cold boasts some pretty impressive snowboarding sequences, but so do TV commercials. Sports footage does not a movie make.

Victoria Silvstedt is in this movie. She's been naked in Playboy. Do we see her breasts in this movie? No. Nice to see that the age-old teen movie forumula has been gutted by our PC, PG-13 obsessed movie studios. Don't they realize that Porky's cut a profit because of the boobs and not the JOKES?

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=5638&reviewer=128
originally posted: 12/05/01 09:44:32
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User Comments

4/27/13 bigfoot ha. the review by this guy is pathetic. as are most reviews by shitty critics on this movie 5 stars
12/30/10 Shawn Oliver Funniest movie of all time! The Hangover can't compete. 5 stars
11/11/10 Lundon if you like Zach Galifianakis check this movie out funnier than the rip off The hangover 4 stars
8/26/07 William Goss Casablanca on the slopes earns an chuckle here and there, ends soon enough. 3 stars
8/11/05 ES Yet another movie where the trailer shows all the best parts leaving nothing for the movie 3 stars
7/15/05 Jeff Anderson Enjoyable dumb fun & hilarious. Caroline Dhavernas is a HOTTIE! 5 stars
6/12/05 popsicle i laffed thru the whole thing 5 stars
11/16/04 Dooragz This movie is bad. Save the rental fee for a lift ticket. 2 stars
9/19/04 Gray nothing great but fun! :) 4 stars
6/02/04 Ryan I have watched this movie every day for weeks straight...literally...it is hilarious!!!!!!! 5 stars
11/12/03 The Quirkfetch Kid Time to abolish the Razzies, since this didn't win any. 1 stars
9/18/03 Samuel Justus funnier than most! 4 stars
8/11/03 The Savage I would rather cut my dick off with a rusty knife then watch this peice of shit again 1 stars
3/17/03 Zaharin Hamid aka The Movie Samseng I love this movie. So it isn't rude. So what? It's a feel-good movie. 5 stars
5/28/02 The Bomb 69 dumb but funny, a poor man's Zucker/Abrams film 4 stars
12/06/01 Shane Lewis It's fucking awsome. 5 stars
12/05/01 Mr Math It gave me mild wood. But that's only worth an extra star. 2 stars
12/05/01 ron20003 Baddddd, So bad it didn't make any sense 1 stars
11/30/01 Galefianakis Likable junk. Beard guy was funny, the blonde girl pretty, & the movie was dumb, but cool 4 stars
11/29/01 Manny Loved it 5 stars
11/28/01 Brian Oh good, Caddyshack's been remade again... 1 stars
11/27/01 Andrew Carden B-O-R-I-N-G! Just Totally Mindless and Unfunny Rehash Of Teen 80's Sex Films. 1 stars
11/27/01 Senor Pescolido Saw it at a $3 matinee, and it was really not good value for money. Pretty dumb all round. 2 stars
11/27/01 CoffeeVixen some sweet moves and humor 4 stars
11/25/01 Boomshanka King, great review but that rating is a heresy. 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  21-Nov-2001 (PG-13)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  01-Aug-2002


Directed by
  Brendan Malloy
  Emmett Malloy

Written by
  Jon Zack

Cast
  Jason London
  Brett Kelly
  A.J. Cook
  David Denman
  Caroline Dhavernas
  Lee Majors



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