"'I am KAZAAM! Whadaya wish for?' 'That your film's negative will be burnt.'"
Comedy has sunk a new low. I've had more laughs from The Shawshank Redemption. This is a dull, meritless movie that is bafflingly labeled a comedy. There is simply nothing funny in this movie. Nada. Nothing. Zilch. Zero. There isn't even anything that resembles comedy here. It's a cheap ego-booster. Only difference here is that other cheap ego-boosters have merit in SOME way. Not here. Not in the slightest.I mean that. This movie is a mortifying parade of everything bad and nothing tolerable. Nothing in this movie has any quality. At the very best (if you can call it that), it's bad. At the very worst, it's hypnotically bad to the point of creepy.
Now to the piece of shit plot. Snot-ass kid (Francis Capra) hates stepmother and her boyfriend. Snot-ass kid finds 3000-year-old genie (Shaq) in a portable radio (no, I'm not smoking crack) while being chased by zero-dimentional bullies. Snot-ass kid is granted three wishes by genie. Snot-ass kid wants to be with scumbag dad that isn't around a lot (I SWEAR I ain't smoking crack).
Cue credits. Audience still asleep. Shaq's reputation takes several steps down. Is hated. Blah blah blah.
Do you really expect me to critique an ego-booster film's direction and writing? BWHAAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!! Not a snowball's chance in hell, buddy. There are only one thing to say about the script and direction: boring. Practically nothing to speak of.
The acting was obviously the last thig on their minds. Scratch that. It WAS. After all, this is an ego-booster film for Shaquille O'Neal, so all he does is yell "I am Kazaam!" a lot and hope that he gets a paycheck and a larger ego. Francis Capra plays a whiny brat, something anyone should do adequately (though it isn't recommended) and yet he's still stiff as if someone shoved a hot poker the size of Ron Jeremy's dick, which is about 1200 feet long.
The special effects are so outdated and half-baked it's a real wonder they were approved. The sound effects are equally as cheesy as the visual effects, sounding like something out of a Gumby short. The editing...ugh. The editing is extremely poor and choppy. You don't need to hire Robert Wise or Michael Horton to edit a film, but God, you shouldn't hire a lobotomized psycho with an axe do it.
Now to the sets and cinematography. Sets-cheesy. Shots-bad. Well, either the guys responsible love yellow, or the director of photography had his cat piss on the negative. There is a LOT of yellow used here, and it's always misused.It's boring. It's a quick-buck scam to inflate Shaq's ego, though I've said that several times already. It's bad in every possible way. It's unfunny. It's dank. It's stupid. It's a disgrace to all cinema and comedy. 0/10.