More in-depth film festival coverage than any other website!
Home Reviews  Articles  Release Dates Coming Soon  DVD  Top 20s Criticwatch  Search
Public Forums  Festival Coverage  Contests About 
Advertisement

Overall Rating
2.38

Awesome: 12.5%
Worth A Look: 0%
Average: 0%
Pretty Bad87.5%
Total Crap: 0%

1 review, 2 user ratings


Latest Reviews

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets by Rob Gonsalves

Roman J. Israel, Esq. by Peter Sobczynski

Coco (2017) by Peter Sobczynski

Prey (2017) by Jay Seaver

Lu Over the Wall by Jay Seaver

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri by alejandroariera

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri by Peter Sobczynski

Justice League by Peter Sobczynski

Mumon: The Land of Stealth by Jay Seaver

Geek Girls by Jay Seaver

subscribe to this feed


Crime and Passion
[AllPosters.com] Buy posters from this movie
by Scott Weinberg

"Yes, I know they're fake; I just don't care."
2 stars

Crime and Passion is just about the closest you’ll get to hardcore porn without having to withstand the potential embarrassment of...purchasing hardcore porn.

More a series of gasping and writhing lesbian sequences than an actual movie, Crime and Passion may not make a whole lot of sense, but it sure does work well as an advertisement for the Silicone industry. I like the real goods as much as any guy, but this flick showcases some of the most impressive fake knockers ever committed to film. That’s gotta be worth something.

Beware of any film in which the entire plot is told to you as the movie unfolds. You know, those eternal narrations that exist solely in Cinemax flicks and Zalman King movies. “I ran away from my horribly disgusting gangster husband, and then I was kidnapped by this buxom pair of outlaw strippers. We’ve holed up at this desolate Mexican hacienda, but I feel it’s just a matter of time before my fate...” You think I made that up? Nope, it’s from the movie! Now imagine reading about 55 more pages of that, and you have a good idea of how ‘dramatically intriguing’ Crime and Passion is.

But I’m no moron; I know why flicks like this are made, and it AIN’T for the plot intricacies or well-shaded character development. The “plot” moments exist solely so that horny guys enjoying the lesbian scenes can ‘chapter skip’ right ahead to something resembling an actual MOVIE should the mother-in-law or parole officer come strolling in. To be completely honest, I’d question the sanity of anyone who’d opt to watch this flick straight through instead of just speeding ahead to the nippley bits. The actual “movie moments” of Crime and Passion seem like a cinematic punishment that must be withstood before we can enjoy the next lesbian three-way shower scene.

Actresses Nikki Fritz and Lauren Hays attack their speaking scenes with the devotion that can only come from their desire to NOT be considered “porn stars”. Surely, pornstars wouldn’t be asked to replicate a confusing film-noir potboiler while memorizing lines and lines of dialogue (narration)! Bah, who cares? They’re gorgeous women with beautiful bodies. If I want authentic actresses, I’ll rent Steel Magnolias.

If I’m judging a movie solely on its devotion to (and positioning of) gorgeous lesbian babes, this one’s a big, round, pert winner.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=6095&reviewer=128
originally posted: 08/14/02 06:43:00
[printer] printer-friendly format  

User Comments

9/17/06 Mark This film is better when taken with Viagra 2 stars
3/14/04 bobyram super 5 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
Note: Duplicate, 'planted,' or other obviously improper comments
will be deleted at our discretion. So don't bother posting 'em. Thanks!
Your Name:
Your Comments:
Your Location: (state/province/country)
Your Rating:


Discuss this movie in our forum

USA
  02-Feb-1999

UK
  N/A

Australia
  N/A


Directed by
  Gary Dean Orona

Written by
  Gary Dean Orona

Cast
  Nikki Fritz
  Lauren Hays
  Brad Bartram
  Loridawn Messuri
  Wally Wingert



Home Reviews  Articles  Release Dates Coming Soon  DVD  Top 20s Criticwatch  Search
Public Forums  Festival Coverage  Contests About 
eFilmCritic.com: Australia's Largest Movie Review Database.
Privacy Policy | HBS Inc. | |   

All data and site design copyright 1997-2017, HBS Entertainment, Inc.
Search for
reviews features movie title writer/director/cast