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Overall Rating
3.27

Awesome: 36.36%
Worth A Look: 9.09%
Average: 0%
Pretty Bad54.55%
Total Crap: 0%

1 review, 5 user ratings


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No Contest
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by Scott Weinberg

"Die Hard Part 1.5"
2 stars

No Contest is proof positive that not only is it completely fine to blatantly rip off a movie, but the copycats need not even TRY to hide their plagiarism. No Contest goes way beyond stealing everything from Die Hard not nailed down; so familiar is this hilariously bad cheesefest that you may be duped into thinking that this is an actual REMAKE of the beloved Bruce Willis-in-a-building-flick.

Not content to steal the exact plot, the filmmakers of No Contest also saw fit to crib subplots, catch phrases, and even whole characters from the McTiernan action classic.

I hate to start out harping on just the ‘rip-off’ angle, but after 96 minutes of a movie that all but screams “DIE HARD COPY”, I can think of little else. Let’s try to focus on the few differences: Well, instead of Bruce Willis, our hero is former Playboy centerfold Shannon Tweed. (To be fair, that is a difference!) Remember how cool and oily Alan Rickman was as the evil Hans Gruber? Well, this time around our villain is Andrew Dice Clay and no I’m not kidding. The setting for Die Hard = Christmas party in a skyscraper. The setting for No Contest = beauty pageant in a skyscraper. Both films feature machine-gun violence (though the more recent one is almost leeringly homicidal), scads of sleazy terrorists, a computer geek who overtakes the building’s security system, an inspirational sidekick on the outside who aids our hero through lighthearted banter, and some truly funny moments. (One major variation is that the laughs in Die Hard were intentional, while the giggles offered in No Contest are of the “Oh man, is this bad” variety.)

Oh yeah, remember the seemingly immortal terrorist henchman played so well by Alexander Gudonov? This time around, that role is filled by Rowdy Roddy Piper. You’ve been warned.

I know it’s a cliché, but some movies really ARE so bad they’re good. Not only does No Contest fill that qualification, but it may stand as the all-time textbook example. Fans of low-grade machine-gun bloodletting will find much to enjoy, those who delight in moronic dialogue may consider this one their new Citizen Kane, and aficionados of bad acting will have a buffet of bombast on which to feast. Shannon Tweed is precisely as you’d expect, only a little bit better than that. I’ve seen Shannon in a few other movies; in relation to those, what she does here deserves an Oscar nomination. (Sorry, pervs, no Tweed skin here. Check Playboy’s back order sheet.) If you secretly believe that Andrew Dice Clay’s realization of Ford Fairlane ranks among moviedom’s most misunderstood performances, you should probably keep that admission to yourself. Clay’s turn here is the peak of all things amateurish, which makes it all the more fun to witness. Still doubting this movie’s staggering b-movie credibility? How about if I mentioned Robert Davi wandering around the proceedings with a limp and a cane? Yeah, thought should seal the deal.

There are points during No Contest where any viewer would SWEAR that what they’re watching is a very sly and very straight-faced comedy. But somehow I think this Canadian import was intended to be a straight action flick. That’s a shame.

As an action movie, No Contest is a retarded as you could possible imagine, and it’s easily one of the most unoriginal movies I’ve ever seen. As a comedy...I really liked it.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=6104&reviewer=128
originally posted: 09/05/02 15:06:21
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User Comments

8/25/06 Pengetua She is soo cute while wearing a bra. 5 stars
8/12/05 sex mania she is very beautiful,always thinking of her,help me get her all movie,please respon me. 5 stars
12/26/02 Bruce Herzlich Entertaining trash at it's zenith!! 4 stars
10/06/02 antoi i love shannon tweed while opening her bra and I want to lick her breast ,I feel so steamy 5 stars
9/29/02 knn i like her bra 5 stars
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USA
  02-Aug-1994 (R)

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