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Overall Rating
2.3

Awesome: 12.86%
Worth A Look: 12.86%
Average: 17.14%
Pretty Bad: 5.71%
Total Crap51.43%

4 reviews, 46 user ratings


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Swimfan
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by EricDSnider

"You really ought to read the scripts before you decide to be in a movie."
3 stars

Let us discuss Jesse Bradford, the 23-year-old actor whom we first noticed in the snappy teen film "Bring It on."

Since then, he seems to have chosen his projects based on what he gets to do in them. In "Clockstoppers," he was the lead character and he learned how to stop time, which is pretty cool. Now, in the competent but unremarkable "Swimfan," he's the protagonist again, and he has two gorgeous women lusting after him, one of them even willing to kill for him. I fully expect that his next film will be about a boy who can fly.

All of which sort of explains why Bradford, who is fairly talented, keeps turning up in these lame movies: because they're fun to make. Who wouldn't want to kiss Erika Christensen and Shiri Appleby, as he does here?

Bradford plays Ben Cronin, a New Jersey high school senior with a promising future in the world of competitive swimming. His girlfriend Amy (Appleby) is pretty and supportive. He is beloved at school, but not arrogant about it. His mom (Kate Burton), a nurse, is proud of him. Naturally, in his spare time, he works with old people at the local hospital.

Then he meets the new girl in school, Madison Bell (Christensen), a winsome, moon-faced gal who's staying with her weird cousin Dante (James DeBello). She is immediately smitten with Ben, and somehow they have a one-night stand, except it's not really a "stand," because they do it in the pool. More of a one-night float, I guess. Later, when Ben tries to tell Madison that it truly was a one-night thing and he regrets it, Madison turns her crazy knob up a few notches. More or less, you know what happens from there.

It makes little sense for Ben and Madison even to spend the one evening together. We see Ben dressing up when he knows he's going to meet her, but none of his rationale for it. One assumes there would be internal conflict -- he's attracted to this new girl even though he already has a perfectly good girlfriend -- but it is not shown.

This is because the screenplay, by relative newcomers Charles F. Bohl and Phillip Schneider, is efficiency-minded. The characters must have sex, because that's what the movie hinges on. Never mind how we get there, let's just get there.

Most of the events within the film (directed by John Polson) are not impossible, though they do tend toward the improbable. Even still, it's not what happens that makes the film ridiculous; it's HOW it happens. The cold, steely stares that Madison is always giving, the accompanying overwrought musical score and sound effects, the annoying jump-cuts employed every time a scene becomes intense -- this is a movie trying to convince you it's suspenseful when it's actually anything but.

Christensen was great in "Traffic," but you wouldn't know it by watching her glassy-eyed, over-the-top performance here. Bradford, meanwhile, is desperately in need of some better material. Jesse, I urge you to choose a good script, even if it means playing a character who is neither a ladies' man nor a superhero.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=6111&reviewer=247
originally posted: 09/09/02 04:58:18
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User Comments

7/13/10 Tarit I don't understand why everybody's slamming this movie. I loved it and Erika is so hot 5 stars
12/27/09 art SWIMFAN BURRIES IT"S 1993 ROLE MODEL"THE CRUSH" 3 stars
8/30/09 Candace Troy Powers Better thanFATAL ATTRACTIONorOBSESSED. Cuts to essence of what those drowned in too much BS 5 stars
6/15/09 art ERIKA CHRISTENSEN IS BEAUTIFUL,SO WHO CARES if THE MOVIE IS BAD? 3 stars
4/28/08 art IT"S REALLY A REHASH OF THE 1993 FILM THE CRUSH 1 stars
1/28/07 David Pollastrini Fatal Attraction for the high school set 4 stars
8/16/06 Rio To quote Nick Digilio: It's called SWIMFAN!!! 2 stars
11/30/05 Sean D It tried. It tested. And the shit-o-meter went off the scale! 1 stars
3/27/04 Nicole This movie is freaky ..the girl is such a freak! "TELL ME YOU LOVE ME..SAY IT" 4 stars
3/18/04 Jen Pretty good, nothing too special. They could have done better. 4 stars
3/17/04 Brando AH GOD! 1 stars
2/23/04 Naturezrevenge Boring teen titty movie. Pornos have more plot. This movie has as much substance as air. 1 stars
12/25/03 anonymous I don't like Erika Christensen 4 stars
10/11/03 samantha Its ok:) 2 stars
5/09/03 Ashley Corpening C'mon Greg Muskewitz, Julia Stiles makes Erika Christensen look like Meryl Streep! 4 stars
5/08/03 Natalie Stonecipher Holy Crecking Infuddable! Madison makes Alex Forrest look like Erin Brockovich! 4 stars
5/07/03 The Quirkfetch Kid Oooooooooh! Quiver-quiver! I'd like to give Madison a Krazy glue enema! 3 stars
4/23/03 Fergus what a fucken bore. He needs a fucken eyedog. Blonde over brunette? Ewwww. 1 stars
4/08/03 Ian OK film but follows too much of the plot of Fatal Attraction. 3 stars
2/16/03 scott A GREAT FILM 5 stars
12/24/02 Julie So boring and predictable, I took a nap. No thrills to be found here. 1 stars
12/07/02 BAM GREAT 5 stars
11/25/02 Jewles What a waste of time and money. I lost all respect for the actors in this flick. 1 stars
11/21/02 Jay Some give Shiri acting lessons, she sucks the big time bad. 1 stars
11/08/02 Ashley Corpening C'mon Greg Muskewitz, Julia Stiles makes Erika Christensen look like Meryl Streep! 4 stars
11/07/02 Natalie Stonecipher Holy Crecking Infuddable! Madison makes Alex Forrest look like Erin Brockovich! 4 stars
11/07/02 The Quirkfetch Kid Oooooooooh! Quiver-quiver! I'd like to give Madison a Krazy glue enema! 2 stars
10/12/02 qtpie A GREAT FILM 5 stars
10/08/02 Dave Madison is TOO fine! 1 stars
10/07/02 TheOthersFan Makes you jump, but not much else. 2 stars
10/05/02 Maria Coronado I thought the movie was alright, but i thought that jesse was going to stay with the blond. 4 stars
10/04/02 DJ Very good movie 5 stars
9/29/02 Movie guy A GREAT FILM IT ROCKS 5 stars
9/23/02 Marc Wilson Shiri Appleby? Which one was she, the plain brown dull one? 1 stars
9/18/02 lizzybear it was great and shiri appleby did a great job a lot of you have to agree with that! 5 stars
9/16/02 D The movie wasn't THAT bad. The review was hilarious though. 3 stars
9/16/02 Uncle Salty It'll make you want to stab yourself. Anyone telling you different is being paid.i 1 stars
9/15/02 jen clayne crawford is so attractive!! it was highly entertaining 5 stars
9/14/02 MelissaNYC Ashlee, quit smokin' crack! This movie was shitty! 1 stars
9/13/02 Star Roswelsky The actors should have known better! But actually promoting this crap. Shame on them! 1 stars
9/11/02 Jason Keeler Why would anyone think this movie awesome? It is obviously targeted to the IQ 70 crowd 1 stars
9/11/02 k sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks 1 stars
9/11/02 Chancey Thunderpants It's like a teen version of Fatal Attraction. So, no thanks! This blew! 1 stars
9/10/02 .Choadushouse. Bradford = worth your time. Appleby = Insanely CUTE. Movie = predctable and RuinedByPreview 3 stars
9/10/02 Warbandit a crapatcular movie to boot and it sucked donkey feces 1 stars
9/08/02 Cliché Master Well, this film is better than getting kicked in the balls...right? RIGHT!?! 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  06-Sep-2002 (PG-13)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  10-Oct-2002




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