More in-depth film festival coverage than any other website!
Home Reviews  Articles  Release Dates Coming Soon  DVD  Top 20s Criticwatch  Search
Public Forums  Festival Coverage  Contests About 
Advertisement

Overall Rating
1.36

Awesome: 1.33%
Worth A Look: 6.67%
Average: 2.67%
Pretty Bad: 5.33%
Total Crap84%

4 reviews, 51 user ratings


Latest Reviews

MFA by Jay Seaver

You Only Live Once by Jay Seaver

November (2017) by Jay Seaver

Friendly Beast by Jay Seaver

Foreigner, The (2017) by Jay Seaver

Tom of Finland by Rob Gonsalves

Happy Death Day by Jay Seaver

78/52: Hitchcock's Shower Scene by Jay Seaver

Death Note: Light Up the New World by Jay Seaver

Brawl in Cell Block 99 by Peter Sobczynski

subscribe to this feed


Swept Away
[AllPosters.com] Buy posters from this movie
by Greg Muskewitz

"Washout."
1 stars

Look what washed up with the seaweed! Madonna is a bored, affluent bitch (forced on a vacation with moneybags husband), who decides to make the yacht trip hell for the Italian deckhand.

She harnesses the physicality and personality of obnoxious as though it coursed through her veins, and goes the extra mile to incessantly squish Pépé, a/k/a “Pee-pee,” or “Guido.” The tide changes, however, when they become stranded at sea and washed over to a deserted island. Dependent on him now, as she is literally and figuratively stripped, it changes to “Master.” And as her obnoxiousness is deflated, Pépé siphons off from her until he is so passed inflated that they can float off of the island. But naturally, these two rocks erode against each other until the friction jump-starts a flame, which allows our wildebeests to act out their “Lord of the Flies” fantasies. While Guy Ritchie has drastically toned down his general amounts of annoyance and stylissimo, his facelift of Lina Wertmuller’s 1975 original is about as attractive as Madonna looks at docking. Ritchie still sees to it to singe the screen in harsh copper-toned photography and his signature ‘Tude. No amount of time at sea can lessen the egregiousness of this catch. Head overboard, it’s a washout.

With Adriano Giannini, Jeanne Tripplehorn and Bruce Greenwood.

[Not to be bothered with.]

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=6203&reviewer=172
originally posted: 10/26/02 15:26:31
[printer] printer-friendly format  

User Comments

11/05/15 David Hollingsworth Not even good enough for a Razzie. 1 stars
2/20/15 Chris Jarmick Stick with original version. This one is dreadful. 1 stars
1/02/12 Linda Apart from beautiful scenery. Tippahorn should of played the lead. Adriano bored me as wel 2 stars
12/18/09 Jeff Wilder Madonna in a Guy Ritchie film. The result could only be a total disaster. And it was. 1 stars
1/21/09 FranSanSamba did not know they could make movies that bad, even if they should trye, and they didnt? 1 stars
1/06/09 FrankNFurter Madonna is worse than Keanu Reeves.That's right...this movie is that bad--not hyperbole! 1 stars
12/17/06 Denise If only this movie would have been filmed during a Tsunami! 1 stars
12/12/04 Robbo This movie sucked an incredible amount of ass... 1 stars
10/03/04 Daveman Pah, what's the point? It looks like I'm only preaching to the converted. 1 stars
8/14/04 Randal King Not enough plot... 3 stars
8/07/04 ELI I wanted a shark to come out of the ocean and eat Madonna 1 stars
7/25/04 Scott Street I love this movie. I mean know one should win an Oscar 4 stars
5/25/04 Ray It is so bad that it scared me!!! 1 stars
5/02/04 Michelle I think I might actually be the only one who liked it. Adriano is talented and sexy too... 4 stars
4/07/04 M big maddy fan, y she get hit so much?? not the best movie but hey its go madonna in it!! 4 stars
2/25/04 Charles Tatum A bad idea to begin with, constant screaming was bad enough 1 stars
2/10/04 Whatevr THIS MOVIE SUCKS ASSFUCKING DICK! 1 stars
12/24/03 Boris the Bullet-Dodger Jill, you ignorant slut. This movie almost sucked as much balls as you do. 1 stars
7/29/03 Asshat Dear God, please make her stop! Wasn't "Shanghai Surprise" punishment enough? 1 stars
7/29/03 Madonna sux TOTALLY FUCKIN' SUCKED ASS-MADONNA COULDN 1 stars
7/02/03 James Stephens Script? WHAT script? She's at her best when she's quiet. 2 stars
6/01/03 Rob Hegarty Madonna was good. Guy shouldn't have messed with the script. Don't pan it w/o seeing it. 4 stars
5/27/03 mr. Pink One of the worst movies of 2002, but it is beautifully shot. and Madonna gets slapped a lot 3 stars
5/13/03 Mr. Hat (I'm Back, Mo'fos!!!) Really underrated. It's a Guy Ritchie movie! C'mon! & Madonna's still kinda hot! 4 stars
4/19/03 WORST MOVIE EVER. EVER. E.V.E.R. WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK? ANY ONE WHO SAYS THIS DOESN'T SUCK ASS SHOULD GET ASS-FUCKED IN HELL 1 stars
4/04/03 Jack Bourbon Since I will never see it, I'll just go on and give Madonna's "artistic work" a "Sucks." 1 stars
3/20/03 John Smith 5 stars
3/12/03 God Yep, the movie I've ever seen, and the worst movie ever made, PERIOD 1 stars
3/01/03 snowconehead It's movies like this that really deserves the "Sucks All Ass" rating. 1 stars
2/25/03 Croweater Destined for the DVD/VHS bargain bin at K-Mart near you real soon! 1 stars
2/14/03 Andrew Carden Good Direction, but A Contrived and Overdone Remake. 2 stars
2/07/03 Daniel Painful, unbearable 1 stars
12/27/02 alien assassin Madonna is the most overrated performer since Grace Jones !!!! 1 stars
12/14/02 CHEESEBALL MADONNA'S ACTING IS STIFFER THAN GUY RITCHIE'S BEST WOODY! 1 stars
12/13/02 realitychick Anyone who supports Madonna should get Bitchslapped!! 1 stars
11/25/02 Bob Gerring Pay Modanna to stop. 1 stars
11/20/02 She's Not Even That Good Looking Appalling; I wanted to beat her too. 1 stars
11/11/02 Chiendog A feel-good movie, like a kick in the nuts. What the fuck was Wertmuller thinking? 1 stars
11/10/02 sarcaustic madonna should be desperately seeking another profession before it's 'whos that girl'? 1 stars
11/10/02 Vicious Toy/Electric Crotch This film is laughingly bad. Madonna' stiff, the story's ridiculous. Good to poke fun at. 2 stars
11/07/02 Lady who hates romantic comedies 3 words: MADONNA CAN'T ACT 1 stars
10/30/02 Uncle Salty Actually so bad it could only be worse if it caused cancer. Madonna once hot, is now a hag. 1 stars
10/26/02 Becky This movie sucks more than a three dollar whore on a four dollar cock. 1 stars
10/23/02 Uncle Salty How about you pay me the 9 bucks for the movie, I punch you in the face, & we call it even. 1 stars
10/22/02 Miggy Awful remake...horrible direction, writing... 1 stars
10/20/02 KCobain Nothing redeemable about this trash. 1 stars
10/19/02 Dawn Davenport What a total piece of unwanted trash this was. Swept Away? More like washed up! Ugly rag! 1 stars
10/16/02 judy OH...MY..GOD...WHAT AN EMBARASSMENT 1 stars
10/14/02 Angry Black Man Hey UK! You can keep the bitch!!! 1 stars
10/13/02 Chancey Sugarpants Madonna's such a talentless actress she must've been blowing the director... oh, wait.... 1 stars
10/12/02 Jake I didn't think things could get worse than Next Best Thing. She topped herself! 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
Note: Duplicate, 'planted,' or other obviously improper comments
will be deleted at our discretion. So don't bother posting 'em. Thanks!
Your Name:
Your Comments:
Your Location: (state/province/country)
Your Rating:


Discuss this movie in our forum

USA
  11-Oct-2002 (R)
  DVD: 11-Feb-2003

UK
  N/A

Australia
  28-Nov-2002




Home Reviews  Articles  Release Dates Coming Soon  DVD  Top 20s Criticwatch  Search
Public Forums  Festival Coverage  Contests About 
eFilmCritic.com: Australia's Largest Movie Review Database.
Privacy Policy | HBS Inc. | |   

All data and site design copyright 1997-2017, HBS Entertainment, Inc.
Search for
reviews features movie title writer/director/cast