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Overall Rating

Awesome: 18.49%
Worth A Look: 15.13%
Average: 6.72%
Pretty Bad: 26.89%
Total Crap32.77%

6 reviews, 83 user ratings

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Ghost Ship
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by Collin Souter

"Oh, it's a floater, alright!"
2 stars

Last week, a horror movie called “The Ring” came out in which an old Oliver Stone student film had the power to kill anybody who watched it, a not-too-far-fetched an idea for anyone who has ever had to endure “Any Given Sunday.” While “The Ring” didn’t scare me that much, I liked it anyway and I could clearly see how it could freak someone out. It had suspense, a storyline for smart people and it had an eerie quality about it. Now, we have “Ghost Ship,” a movie about a big boat with lots of dead people on board. Oh, and there also happen to be some corpses that have been there for about four decades.

All the stock characters die except for one.

The movie’s grand opening makes this endeavor especially disheartening. “Ghost Ship” opens with an old Warner Brothers graphic from the ‘60s instead of the wavy graphic that accompanies “As Time Goes By.” Then the cheesy title appears on the screen as a helicopter shot takes us to the Ship in question. It’s a tongue-in-cheek moment and for a little while (just a little) my hopes had been raised. I thought maybe that I would be in for another “Eight-Legged Freaks” or something along those lines, a not-too-serious horror movie that liked to play around with conventions and satirize the genre. And that Quality Kill opening involving a cable gone haywire had me ready for an old-fashioned bloodbath that would have gone straight for the R-rating without once giving thought to the pre-teen demographic.

No such luck (although the movie does carry the R-rating). “Ghost Ship” stinks. It’s not good horror, it’s not good suspense, it’s not good humor, it’s not even good gore. The movie’s biggest catch-phrase will give critics such as myself plenty of mileage when describing the experience of watching this movie. At the beginning, a little girl aboard this ship has a sign that says, “I am so bored.” This phrase echoes throughout the movie, and not just in my head, but on screen as well.

So, here’s the deal. We have your token older guy (Gabriel Byrne), your token tomboy (Juliana Margulies), two token comic relief white guys, one token Latino, a token black guy (Isaiah Washington), and one token outsider, Jack (Desmond Harrington), whom we don’t trust from the get-go. Why don’t we trust this guy? Because he knows more about the ship than he’s letting on. You see, he recruits these ship doctors (or welders, whatever they are) to go check out this ship that has been stranded at sea since 1962. They all go and bad haunted house-type things happen. Guess who survives?

Oh, I almost forgot, we also have your token Mysterious Child Who Holds The Key To Everything. It’s time to put a stop to this. Unless it’s “The Shining,” mysterious children don’t have the cache to drudge up any sort of fear in today’s horror movie climate. Kids, unless they’re in my livingroom, just aren’t that scary.

Anyway. Along the way, they see other ghosts of those who died in the opening scene, and in case you walk in late, don’t worry. The movie loves to recount the scene again for you, only this time to the tune of a Disturb’d song (I think). Oh, and if you can’t see anything during this movie, it may be because every character likes to shine their flashlights STRAIGHT INTO YOUR FRICKING RETINAS!!! I look at this as just another tactic to try and wake up the audience that has been sleeping in the theater since last year’s “13 Ghosts.”
Also, if you happen to leave anywhere during the middle part of the movie to urinate on your ticket stub, allow me to reiterate the dialogue you might miss:

“Where’s Murphy?”
“Have you seem Greer?”
“I’m not Greer, I’m Epps”
“Who’s Greer?”
“Never mind that, who am I?”
“Look out”
“Behind you”
“Let’s get out of here!”
“Wait, where’s Murphy?”
“I’m looking for Epps”
“I’m Epps”
“But you look like Greer”
“Never mind that. We have to stick together.”
“Where is everyone?”
“On the ship”
“I’m on the ship”
“Never mind that, where’s Murphy?”
“Over here”
“Look out”
“Where’s Jack?”
“What about the gold?”
“Forget the gold. Blow up ship!”
“Where’s Epps?”
“Jack, no!”
“Come on”
“I pooped myself”

And it pretty much goes on like that for 88 minutes. I really don’t have much more to say. The movie is made up of action scenes that start in the middle and build up to a slow, pitiful wheeze as well as music video sequences that have no place in any horror movie, especially one not marketed to catatonic pre-teens. The movie plays like a series of annoying pop-up ads that you can’t delete fast enough. It only works as a 10-minute time-killer. If you have some time before “The Ring” starts, go watch the opening of “Ghost Ship” and have a laugh or two. After that, the movie sinks into an abyss of clichés, depression and bad alternative music. Like the movie’s token Mysterious Child Who Holds The Key To Everything, you’ll be “so bored.” You hear that? “So bored.” “So bored,” “So bored,” “So bored!!!”

link directly to this review at
originally posted: 10/26/02 14:20:43
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User Comments

2/21/17 morris campbell 2 much gore and effects not enough scares 2 stars
4/08/16 David Hollingsworth Just watch that great opening and the skip the rest. 1 stars
2/27/11 Pamela White typical horror film with no follow through good FX 2 stars
11/12/10 Josie Cotton is a goddess The special F/X is great, btu that's really about it 2 stars
5/23/10 MAJ D FOR HORROR FANS: inventive, interesting setting, characters, great visuals, atmospheric 5 stars
9/08/08 Sean Holland A freaky story and Gore, what else could you want 5 stars
8/15/08 Shaun Wallner Great Horror film!! Kept me on the edge of my seat 5 stars
10/29/07 hank3395 hope ther is a sequel!! 4 stars
1/24/07 Matt Interesting premise, but a messy film. Could have, should have, been a great deal better. 3 stars
10/11/06 Pritchett Absolute garbage, not scary, not fun, cliched-as-hell...a total waste of time. 1 stars
5/29/06 Anthony Feor AVOID 1 stars
5/07/06 chienne My 12yo loves it, it's alright - but not a fave 3 stars
3/24/06 Indrid Cold Weak, pointless story. The Mudvayne song is the best thing about this stinker. 2 stars
11/25/05 cr a gory movie and cool story, pretty freaky overall pretty crappy 2 stars
11/21/05 chris not bad 4 stars
11/05/05 Jessica Fortier suspenceful from begining to end! great story line. i loved the bizzar twists 5 stars
11/04/05 Alice C'mon, it wasn't THAT bad. The acting was okay, and some scenes were enjoyable. 4 stars
10/30/05 chris very god movie worth wacthing 4 stars
7/29/05 Chris Waring This film is definately worth watching once, if only to see how crap it is. 2 stars
6/23/05 Mike Hunt quite gory 4 stars
3/24/05 Alice Colwell not all that bad 3 stars
12/09/04 Kristina Williams I've seen better movies on the Hallmark channel 2 stars
12/03/04 Nari S. Ramzan The begining gore wasn't nessesary but the plot and villian make it worthwhile. 4 stars
11/08/04 Steve Newman very harsh ratings so far (perhaps I am 40 going on 12!!) 4 stars
10/15/04 Don Eckert A great start with a laughable ending and lots of bad acting in between. 1 stars
10/13/04 teshey I Think its so cool i love it 5 stars
9/04/04 Valerie Very intense, but I liked it! Definetly worth a look! 4 stars
5/29/04 Kura Totally funny... So boring >_< 1 stars
5/05/04 Ken I didn't even think the opening was all that great. 1 stars
5/04/04 Joseph Cicala not too shabby 3 stars
5/02/04 Jack Sommersby Slickly produced, totally inept garbage. 1 stars
3/22/04 trent i personaly loved the movie the biggining took me a year to get over and the rest good 4 stars
3/02/04 Whatevr I could get better entertainment by crapping in a VCR 1 stars
3/02/04 Charles Tatum Bloody average 3 stars
12/10/03 Terry A good film with, A 'Final Destination' type deaths at the beginning... 5 stars
11/11/03 HorrorScribbler About as tightly plotted as your slightly below average Love Boat episode. 3 stars
11/02/03 American Slasher Goddess A step up from 13 Ghosts, contains some good gore, but is on the bland side. 2 stars
11/01/03 Lars Kelsen Conventional spook show, but touts a truly disturbing opening scene. 4 stars
10/08/03 Erik Van Sant Dark Castle is on a roll with shitty William-Castle rip-offs. The opening is woth a look. 1 stars
9/29/03 Eloise only thing scary was the weak acting and lame transparent plot. Go see Dog Soldiers instead 1 stars
9/16/03 snowconehead Horrid plot development. Steretypical bullshit with one decent flashback scene 2 stars
9/07/03 Kitty J. Blues Only good part was the ending 2 stars
7/29/03 jekyl wheres Hyde 5 stars
7/14/03 Samuel Justus Fantastic Ending!! Great horror flick!!! 5 stars
7/05/03 Hydref Stupid name, brilliant story 5 stars
6/24/03 sarah boswell it will never be the ring...but it was a really good story 5 stars
6/22/03 may one of the best scary movies of 2002 5 stars
6/20/03 Sammy Gory for no reason and pretty overused premise 1 stars
6/14/03 Ashley Corpening Promising start succumbs to muddled free-for-all. GHOST SHIT would be more like it. 1 stars
6/12/03 Epps This movie kicked ass, some people has issues. 5 stars
6/05/03 Erik Van Sant 'Ghost Shit' is the reason I hesitate to watch horror movies in the theater. Horrible. 1 stars
5/31/03 xXMrSelfDestructXx This movie isnt as bad as all of you make it out to be! 5 stars
5/28/03 Caitlyn It was awesome possum.... Desmund Harrington was so cool, not to mention cute! 5 stars
5/27/03 Jack Sommersby Not an iota of ingenuity, not a scare to be found. A complete disaster. 1 stars
5/25/03 1movie fan this was the greatest horror film ever made. if you didn't like this movie your an asshole 5 stars
5/24/03 Chanelle Watson I Liked Katie 5 stars
4/12/03 Jack Bourbon NO MORE FOOD TURNING INTO MAGGOTS!!! It reminds me of my refrigerator! 2 stars
4/06/03 Dodge This Film is Great what are you people on?However what happened to Dodge? How'd he die? 5 stars
4/06/03 Jessel After a decent opening with great visuals, quickly went to sucking all ass. 1 stars
3/26/03 HE great 5 stars
2/07/03 Sean Hansford the killings are amazing 5 stars
1/13/03 Petitbreton As awful and boring as 13 Ghosts 1 stars
1/03/03 Ashley Corpening Promising start succumbs to muddled free-for-all. GHOST SHIT would be more like it. 1 stars
1/01/03 The Collector "ER" + "LOST VOYAGE" + NUT-FILLED TURDS = "GHOST SHIP" 1 stars
12/17/02 n a the movie sucked ass i hated it fuck off ghost ship 1 stars
11/17/02 Lexie I liked this movie, I don't know what you people are talking about 4 stars
11/15/02 JackG No imagination went into this film. The producers are embarrased and the actors are suing. 1 stars
11/10/02 john sucks cod 1 stars
11/07/02 N/A Best Movie Ever! 5 stars
11/03/02 Chris I was hoping for more of a ghost story than a supernatural killer on the loose story 2 stars
11/03/02 CaRlY n' JaKiE We ThOuGhT iT wAs AwEsOmE eVeRy 1 ElZ iS oN cRaCk!!!!! 5 stars
11/02/02 MaryAnn Wells I loved this movie. The special effects are great and scary, the acting very well done. 5 stars
11/02/02 beatriz can we have a real scary movie now?....dont watch it! 1 stars
10/30/02 Molly I laughed all the way through it. Soooo predictable!! 1 stars
10/29/02 John McNew A tedious, but technically well-made, mishmash of old ideas 2 stars
10/29/02 Human Shield If they could have maintained the viciousness of the starting, it could have been great. 2 stars
10/28/02 anyone know the name of the group/song which was playing during the cable scene? 3 stars
10/28/02 Joe Castillo It was great, one of the best movies of the year... if I had a zero IQ 1 stars
10/28/02 Shitmeister Well, it was better than having an enema...but not by much. 1 stars
10/27/02 STEVE um.....better then i thought.although dark castle has failed so far..... 3 stars
10/26/02 Uncle Salty Hey look, it's resident evil! In the ocean! On a boat! And retarded! 1 stars
10/26/02 Steve McLenithan Worst movie I've seen in a long time. Bad story line, bad ending, disgusting! 1 stars
10/26/02 Joseph James It's probably a movie I would have rented except for the fact that I got in for free 4 stars
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  25-Oct-2002 (R)



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