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Overall Rating
2.23

Awesome: 18.6%
Worth A Look: 0%
Average: 6.98%
Pretty Bad: 34.88%
Total Crap39.53%

2 reviews, 31 user ratings


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Extreme Ops
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by Collin Souter

"Gosh, I hate to disappoint everybody, but this movie is not very good"
2 stars

Well, the title sure intrigued me. “EXTREME OPS!!!” “By-cheezum-crow, what the heck is an ‘op?’” Surely, this movie had to be pretty smart to throw in a word I don’t understand into its title. I immediately grabbed my Random House College Dictionary to have a look-see. If there’s one thing I love about movies, they can compel you to research further into our vocabularium and thus, cause one to educate one’s self. They can bring people’s minds together so that they can talk with correctness and not sentence-form flawdly. Yes, that’s what I love about them, and I certainly didn’t want to see “Extreme Ops” without having prior background knowledge on the origin of the ‘op.’ Such foolhardiness leads to ignorance. Here’s what I found:

Op., 1. opera. 2. operation. 3. opposite. 4. opus.

Wow. Whichever ‘op’ applied to this movie, I would be taking it in EXTREMES, so I had much to prepare. I really didn’t care much for an “Extreme Opera,” although it would help me seem more cultured. I have never been to an opera, but hey, if I’m going to go, I may as well go to one that’s EXTREME! On the other hand, opera is not something to be entered into lightly. Maybe I should use a starter-kit opera as my first. You know, a half-hour quickie about a swan or a shoe shiner. Just to get the feel for it.

An “Extreme Operation” would be okay, but if that’s the case, I’m sure they would have just called it “Extreme Operation.” You know, one of those bland, boring titles like “Executive Decision,” “Extreme Measures,” “Unlawful Entry” or “Unfaithful.” Or “Bogus.” Well, obviously, I know nothing about marketing. If they had called it “Extreme Operation,” I wouldn’t have had to open my dictionary out of curiosity. I would have simply dismissed it, like I do every Ashley Judd movie. Ditto for a movie called “Extreme Opposites.” And “Extreme Opus” sounds too silly, though not outside the realm of possibility. Let’s face it. Op says something. Op means mystery. Op gets people in the seats. Op is this year’s Matrix. What is the Op? I had to find out.

Well, I’m here to tell you the whole title is a sham. The word Op is never mentioned once. And yet, the title promises Ops in EXTREMES! The only thing I got in Extremes was shots of dumb people on snowboards. Well, thank you, Paramount, but I’ve already seen “Hot Dog: The Movie” on Platinum Edition DVD and it was far more comprehendible. I can’t honestly say I remember any actual characters from this movie, just people who showed up on the set that day to deliver muffins. A camera happened to be rolling and they got a speaking part. “Extreme Ops” plays sorta like “Jackass: The Movie” without the character development and inner childhood angst.

So, I’m guessing Ops have something to do with childish, rambunctious suicide. “Extreme Ops,” I’m also guessing, is supposed to do for extreme sports what “Blue Crush” did for “Point Break” and what “Point Break” did for surfing and what surfing did for Keanu Reeves, bringing the great wheel of stupidity full-circle. I don’t understand the appeal of extreme sports.

I do, however, think there’s a fortune to be made with a new “Faces of Death” installment, whereby we get to watch these doofuses attempt bungee jumping from a helicopter only to see them get caught in the propeller. This, of course would splatter blood onto the windshield of said copter, thereby causing it to crash mightily into a mountain. Then, once the flames die out, great mammoth mountain lions would feast on the char-broiled carcasses. Then, they would run after Vin Diesel who would have no choice but to jump from the mountain and splatter onto the rocks below as a symbolic, sacrificial offering to the nomadic Squirrels of Siberia. We have to get this on film.

I’m tired of seeing these idiots actually live. What kind of idiots do we have here? Well, there’s a few guys who like to water ski, as it were, via train and snowboard. There’s a girl who resembles Angelina Jolie, “Foxfire” era, who also sings in a band. “We only know three songs, but we can play them forever,” she says. Well, that’s two more songs than Nickleback, I guess. Then, there’s the blonde bombshell who gives a truly groundbreaking performance. Her emotions have no motivation and, yet, her motivation is to show no emotion. I’ve never seen anything like it.

Leading this pack is “Dark City”’s Rufus Sewell, who takes this sorry lot out to the middle of snowy nowhere Germany, but not to kill them. Oh, no, but to actually film them. Yes, he wants these people to come back home with him after they shoot some footage for a TV commercial. They stay at this wonder-hut that resembles the Atoll in “Waterworld,” only frozen over. This also houses an elite group of wacky Serbian terrorists who want to blow up the world, or Germany, or something. Anything. I think. Hey, I can’t make this stuff up, but the movie forces me to, since it never really explains anything. One of the terrorists bares a striking resemblance to the annoyingly mousy and pointy-faced Vincent Gallo. Another one looks as though he’s fed up with losing all his parts to Jean Reno. And another one is just there. In fact, everyone in this movie is just “there,” but nobody really wants to admit it. And nobody wants to leave.

The movie should have been called “Extreme Avs,” because of all the big, stupid avalanches these people inflict on themselves. Again, nobody dies, but I would prefer it if they did. The movie exists only to show snowboarding and jumping. That’s all. Dialogue passages get mercifully cut short for the sake of pointless (stock) footage of snowboarding, as though we can hear a director say, “Sorry about all that talking, folks. It’s something the studio insists on, but no matter. We’re getting back to the skiing and snowboarding stuff you like. Sorry. I’ll be back later to apologize again. Enjoy the movie, tip your waiters and don’t try this at home. I’m kidding, of course. Thank you. Thank you for coming to our movie”

Truth be told, though, “Extreme Ops” has plenty of value as a movie on which you and your funniest friends can goof. There exists no logic to the plot and no point to the process. The heroes and villains don’t come in contact with each other until the 70-minute mark. Dobermans come out of nowhere to chase these idiots around, at which point I started yodeling the theme from “Raising Arizona.” After all, how can anyone with a straight face pay $9 for a movie titled “Extreme Ops” and walk away from it with their face still straight, knowing full well that they have no idea what it means to have an Extreme Op? You have to laugh, right?

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=6389&reviewer=233
originally posted: 12/02/02 16:38:03
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User Comments

5/16/08 PAUL SHORTT IT HAS ALL THE EXCITEMENT OF EATING OATMEAL 1 stars
9/02/07 Sugarfoot The only thing extreme about this movie, is the boredom one experiences. 1 stars
4/11/05 ALBERT SO BAD.IT`S BAD 1 stars
3/24/05 Jeff Anderson EXTREME SLOP IS MORE LIKE IT! Jumbled & really brainless. Who was this made for anyway? 1 stars
3/25/04 Dan Mihaescu Here's one man who liked it. I will wind no more. 5 stars
1/06/04 rebecca off the hook it was awsum 5 stars
12/06/03 Ingo Unbelievable piece of sh*t. 1 stars
10/07/03 Kitty 2nd worst movie I've EVER seen. This review is right. 1 stars
8/25/03 Hank One of the best action movies ever made 5 stars
8/23/03 nr great 5 stars
8/17/03 Lord Chu I'm ashamed to have ever watched this failure. 1 stars
7/31/03 DM Whoever liked this is a total dumbass- It totally fuckin' sucks! 1 stars
7/14/03 Samuel Justus ok flick !!! all in all.... 3 stars
7/05/03 Dick ... 2 stars
7/02/03 James Stephens "X-Games" meets James Bond. Hilarity ensues. 2 stars
6/24/03 Chris God, stop putting awesome messages,PLEEASE!! 1 stars
3/29/03 Jiz I could have bought 2 Cokes for the price I paid to see this! WHAT A RIP! 1 stars
3/01/03 ME A GREAT FILM 5 stars
1/16/03 Iris Dementia Praecox What, Matt and Rob? I thought it sucked non-ass shit! 3 stars
1/11/03 Slade SUCKS!! 1 stars
1/05/03 BAM A GREAT FILM 5 stars
1/03/03 Matt and Rob This movie sucks ass shit 1 stars
1/02/03 Jenny Tullwartz Action element worth watching; interpersonal drama ludicrous at best. 3 stars
12/09/02 pogo kev - you fight terrorists on the mountain? Shill. 1 stars
12/05/02 Marley THE SHIZNIT!!!! action adventure threw the whole movie 5 stars
12/03/02 George Jung Got shit? This movie does. 1 stars
12/02/02 kev great...exactly how it feels when u are up on the mountain... 5 stars
12/02/02 Crunchyfrog Extremely shitty 1 stars
11/30/02 Abram Fedorovich Ioffe IN SOVIET RUSSIA, EXTREME COMMERCIAL PRODUCERS SHOOT SERBIANS!!! 2 stars
11/29/02 Uncle Salty One word, and one word only can describe this film: Duuuuuuuuuh! 1 stars
11/28/02 Don They should have to pay YOU $8 to see this travesty of a film! 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  27-Nov-2002 (PG-13)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  31-Jul-2003 (M)




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