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Overall Rating

Awesome: 0%
Worth A Look: 11.36%
Average: 0%
Pretty Bad45.45%
Total Crap: 43.18%

4 reviews, 20 user ratings

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by Scott Weinberg

"Precisely as engrossing as a movie entitled THEY could ever possibly be."
1 stars

I've seen "They" twice now, once theatrically and once via DVD, and...for the life of me...I can't tell you what it's about.

All I can remember is a prologue in which a small child gets pulled under his bed, followed by about 75 minutes of bad actors breathlessly worrying about "night terrors". And also that it sucked.

The handy-dandy DVD case, which includes a quote from the New York Daily News that says "One of the most terrifying endings in recent memory!" and of course a mention from Earl Dittman stating "Terror-Filled... A Must See!", tells us two things:

1. "Scream king Wes Craven presents this terrifying suspense thriller where the most frightening childhood fears become real when they return to return to stake their claim!"

2. You can find a positive blurb on any godawful flick that comes down the pike.

The plot seems to be about this grad student psychologist who gets sucked into a whole big mess involving eeeevil childhood fears that have come back to haunt a few associates. Basically it's a limp reworking of stuff like Final if that's the sort of movie we need reworkings of.

Proving once again that anything with the banner "Wes Craven Presents..." is bound to be nigh unwatchable dreck, They comes courtesy of a filmmaker who's really off his game. After sitting through this yawn-inducing claptrap, you'd be stunned to learn that it was helmed by the same chap who directed The Hitcher.

The faceless actors look bored with the proceedings, the plot derails with alarming consistency, and all thoughts of "When's this gonna get good?" are quickly replaced by feelings of "Ugh. Rooked again by a swanky piece of cover art." They represents what one hopes is the last of the Dawson's Creek Horror Movies in its final death throes.

Yet another wheezing example of what a blockbuster like Scream will yield (for several successive years, no less), They might prove a passable time-waster if you're trying to entertain a room full of 12-year-old girls, wide-eyed kids who only think they want to watch a truly scary movie, but for anyone other than that, it's an 83-minute sleeping pill.

What the world needs now is a lot less PG-13 horror movies.

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originally posted: 05/04/04 11:14:12
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User Comments

11/26/05 shell bell This movie was just plain STUPID 1 stars
8/20/05 ES all that for nothing, that's what you'll be saying at the end (which ever ending you get) 1 stars
7/17/05 John Bell They broke rule number one: you can't have a film full of just victims. 1 stars
6/27/04 Amberlynn Tamayo It made no sense and I'd rather gouge my eyes out than watch it a 2nd time! It's total crap 1 stars
6/03/04 Shaun I grew up watching 80's horror, this wasn't as bad as people make it out to be, 4 stars
4/17/04 Michael Greenwaldt An underrated, interesting, mature horror drama. A great, wicked ending! 4 stars
11/24/03 Samuel A pretty decent movie although it has about the same premise as 'Darkness Falls' 4 stars
8/26/03 Vlad M. Pleasantly surprised - flawed, but far better than the majority of modern American horror. 4 stars
7/05/03 Tim Holdener atrocious. how can an interesting concept be screwed up that bad? 1 stars
6/27/03 Pissed Chris An hour and a half of plot holes and cheap overdone tricks...I feel used. 2 stars
6/12/03 Jack Sommersby Solid directorial craftsmanship can't overcome abysmal script. 2 stars
5/10/03 Jenny Tullwartz What do you mean, Billy Chan? "THEY" is a pronoun! 2 stars
4/06/03 Film Dude Don't wish anything bad on Wes Craven. He didn't even fucking DO anything on this film. 2 stars
2/12/03 The Quirkfetch Kid One star for BEAUTIFUL Julia. Too bad she's stuck in a meaningless story with no ending. 2 stars
12/21/02 Billy Chan When Adverbs Attack!!! 2 stars
12/21/02 Jeff This movie was god awful. What was Wes Craven thinking 1 stars
12/09/02 Uncle Salty A huge pile of shit, in the dark, that costs you eight bucks. Fuck you, Wes Craven. 1 stars
12/04/02 Caiphn I couldn't wait for this to end. Had potential (I suppose) didn't do anything with it. 2 stars
11/29/02 Kyle Only stay for the ending. Extreme shit. Cliched and predictable. 2 stars
11/28/02 Eric Hoheisel Some decent scares in this ripoff of DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK. 4 stars
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  27-Nov-2002 (PG-13)

  01-Nov-2002 (15)

  06-Feb-2003 (M)

Directed by
  Robert Harmon

Written by
  Brendan Hood

  Laura Regan
  Marc Blucas
  Dagmara Dominczyk
  Ethan Embry
  Jon Abrahams
  Jay Brazeau

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