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Overall Rating
1.48

Awesome: 8.7%
Worth A Look: 0%
Average: 4.35%
Pretty Bad: 4.35%
Total Crap82.61%

2 reviews, 11 user ratings


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Bolero
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by Slyder

"One of the worst pieces of filmmaking Iíve ever seen"
1 stars

I donít know why I did it. I donít know why for the life of me I decided to rent this notorious stinker in the first place. I guess I did it because of all the hoopla surrounding it, or maybe because thereís some nice Bo Derek nudity in it. I donít know, I just donít know. All I know is that I saw the box at the University Library (can you believe it?) and decided to rent it to have a little look-see.

But then, as the tape rolled on, I realized that there were also some other things that I didnít know:

1. I didnít know that this film would become a dull nut-bar within the very first 5 minutes

2. I didnít know why this film would look and feel so fake

3. I didnít know that Elmer Bernstein would waste his musical talent on something like this.

4. I didnít know that Bo Derek would be immediately awful and irritating in this film.

5. I didnít know George Kennedy (!) would involve himself in this piece of shit, much less end up a complete jackass on this film.

6. I didnít know that I would find myself fast-forwarding the film just to catch ďthe good parts.Ē

7. I didnít know this film was so poorly acted by everyone here.

8. I didnít know this film had such a shit-ass screenplay full of excessive, rambling dialogue, and pointless subplots with nothing else going on.

9. I didnít know this film just showed plenty of pointless nudity just for the hell of it.

10. I didnít know that the sex scenes would be anything but titillating and instead boring and dull (AND ITíS SEX FOR CHRIST SAKE).

11. I didnít know Bo Derek was playing a FUCKING VIRGIN! (Talk about miscasting) and in turn giving the worst performance in the film

12. I didnít know there would be some attempted dramatic/suspense moments which would end up giving me sheer laughs.

13. I didnít know why the sheik was such an idiot, and the bullfighter would be such a moron and an asshole for that matter too when she sees a naked woman.

14. I didnít know it was Boís beau, John directing it, thereforeÖ

15. I didnít know that this film had some of the worst directing and editing Iíd ever seen.

16. I didnít know why the fuck was this film made in the first place and why would somebody indulge in doing something as wretched as this.

17. I didnít know why I didnít stab myself to rid myself of the pain this miserable excuse of a film inflicted on me.

18. I didnít know why I didnít have a gun to shot that motherfucking asshole studio monkey that approved this film in the first place

19. I didnít know why I didnít beat the hell out of the idiot that bought this film for the University.

20. And lastly, I didnít know why I was such an idiot in renting this filth.

Oh man, the people that did this film should really, I mean really be taken out to the street and be shot or hanged by the balls. Really a textbook example of bad filmmaking, and John Derek shouldíve been rejected and sent back to school and take Filmmaking 101 once more, for Christ sake.

In the end, donít waste your time in finding this movie, even if itís for curiosity, since I really doubt youíll be able to survive this whole shit-ass ordeal like I did, and I was lucky to actually survive it. 0-5

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=6504&reviewer=235
originally posted: 02/24/04 10:15:12
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User Comments

9/13/17 morris campbell sorry softcore shit 1 stars
2/25/14 Carol Baker If you have seen Bolero with Raquel Welch, you don't have to see this version 3 stars
9/21/10 PAUL SHORTT BORING SEXUAL DRAMA 1 stars
5/13/09 art IT"S LOOKING THREW A PEEPHOLE IN SOMEBODY"S BEDROOM! 1 stars
4/14/08 art NOTHING BUT A GLORIFIED STAG-MOVIE 2 stars
3/07/07 David Pollastrini porno pretending to be art 1 stars
8/28/05 jayesh nisher she out of the world 5 stars
4/01/05 Peter Bo Derek naked! What a body!!! A must see!!! 5 stars
2/24/04 y2mckay Dismally dull trash. Walked out after 15 minutes - AND I WAS A HORNY TEENAGER BACK THEN! 1 stars
12/15/02 Buddha Terrible. Just terrible. I mean that, really terrible. 1 stars
12/14/02 Charles Tatum Bo and John are to the '80's what Madonna and Guy Ritchie are to today 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  02-Aug-1984 (R)
  DVD: 26-Jul-2005

UK
  N/A

Australia
  N/A


Directed by
  John Derek

Written by
  John Derek

Cast
  Bo Derek
  George Kennedy
  Olivia d'Abo
  Greg Bensen
  Ian Cochrane
  Andrea Occhipinti



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