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Overall Rating
1.38

Awesome: 3.17%
Worth A Look: 1.59%
Average: 6.35%
Pretty Bad: 7.94%
Total Crap80.95%

2 reviews, 51 user ratings


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National Security
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by Scott Weinberg

"Note from 'Whitey': I hate you too, Martin."
1 stars

Something very rare happened to me as I watched the keening awfulness of National Security unspool before my eyes: my jaw slowly widened, until I realized that I was indeed illustrating what "jaw-droppingly bad" truly means. For someone who sees 200 pieces of crap a year, this reaction says a lot. So stunningly bad is this movie that I'm convinced all involved actually HATE moviegoers; there's simply no other explanation.

Someone told me that Martin Lawrence got $20 million for this movie. I can think of no larger waste of cash, and I mean that on a universal scale. You could pay 1,200 criminals $1,200 an hour to KILL whales and turtles, and that would be a better use of money. Plus it would be more entertaining (and less painful) to watch. And I love turtles.

Martin Lawrence is not a funny man. Some could construe that comment as opinion, yet I'm as certain of this truth as I am that marijuana smells good. There are varying degrees of funniness, and Lawrence doesn't even approach the outer borders surrounding nearly close to being almost humorous - accidentally or otherwise. This guy is a bloated hack, a shrill and hate-filled fool who entertains only his extended personal posse - and those fools are being paid to laugh. I only hope my bile incites one of Martin's press agents to call me, so I can respond thusly:

"Black Knight. Blue Streak. Big Momma's House. National Security. Screw you and screw Martin Lawrence, scourge of the modern comedy. Never call me again."

What's most infuriating about Lawrence's newest "effort" is not the stunningly poor filmmaking, the overwhelming drought of actual humor, or the astoundingly racist tone: it's what they've done to poor Steve Zahn. Long an indie stalwart, Zahn probably signed on here looking for a solid paycheck. No real shame there; we all need to get paid.

But what Lawrence and biblically awful director Dennis Dugan (Big Daddy, Saving Silverman) have done with this versatile and affable character actor is simply too awful to bear: Zahn's charm and oddball humor is supressed, beaten down, and completely ignored. There's simply no reason to cast a talented actor as Martin Lawrence's sidekick, as the smarmy little comedian is too camera-stingy (and is clearly impressed with his own gifts of...making up dialogue as he goes) to share a frame with anyone. National Security is like watching talent being devoured by ego.

The plot seems like it was inspired by another awful movie called Armed and Dangerous, only this one's a lot more racist. Call me short-sighted cuz I'm "whitey", but mocking one race for 90 minues is ignorant and insulting. Just because it's a black guy doing it, that doesn't make it OK. Frankly I'm stunned that I even need to type something so obvious, but Hollywood still doesn't seem to get it. Sure, people who adore simplistic, hateful and nasty humor may get a few base cackles from the "I hate the white man" schtick, but one would hope that filmmakers (often referred to as artists, believe it or not) could have higher aspirations than witless filth like this.

If this movie had even the smallest semblance of an I.Q., I'd probably be insulted by what goes on. But one can't get angry if a retarded person calls you ugly; the same holds true for movies this awful.

I'd offer an actual plot retread here, but talk of security guards and action scenes may actually provoke someone to go see the movie, and I simply couldn't live with myself if I caused that to happen. Simply put, this one represents the lowest that the 48 HRS formula can yield, it's certainly one of the worst movies I've seen in years, and its very existence is an affront to those looking for actual entertainment.

All that aside, I'm frankly amazed that a movie this shoddy-looking and amateurish was given a wide theatrical release. Whoever gave Martin his fat post-Momma contract is probably kicking themself right about now, though since they're already very wealthy - I seriously doubt it.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=6571&reviewer=128
originally posted: 01/30/03 11:14:00
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User Comments

10/28/10 Frank Fontaine Topped only in awfulness by "Black Knight". Steve Zahn needs a better agent. 1 stars
5/23/08 PAUL SHORTT A PATENTLY OFFENSIVE, RACIST AND REPULSIVE WASTE OF CELLULOID 1 stars
10/16/07 Mr Green. Damn,what a movie. Fuck you all who think its not a nice a movie and big-up to Martin. 4 stars
2/24/06 Brett Suckfest 1 stars
5/18/05 Cindy Lovell I just love Steve Zahn so it was tolerable for me! 3 stars
2/20/05 Jeff Anderson Martin Lawrence's ALL TIME WORST FILM! He's an OVERBEARING & RACIST LOUDMOUTH IN THIS JUNK! 1 stars
10/19/04 Igor Sucks Ass 1 stars
9/01/04 Zargo eric, why were you in this? 2 stars
8/12/04 David funnny 5 stars
7/26/04 Mr. Craig A Copeland Below average comedic fluff 2 stars
7/20/04 N. Christopher Bell Proof that it takes more than being an outspoken black guy to be funny. 1 stars
7/17/04 Gray ddie Martin die! 1 stars
7/06/04 tyger,tyger stupid in evrey way 1 stars
7/06/04 Talonsoft please stop martin from working before someone puts out an eye 1 stars
5/25/04 varyouga Worst movie I have ever see. PERIOD 1 stars
4/23/04 Gray Martin Lawrence isn't funny 1 stars
3/20/04 Nannette This was a funny movie. If you want something senceless and funny this is for you 3 stars
3/17/04 Seija Anderson I actually liked it. 3 stars
2/28/04 SoSad so horrible I cried and had nightmares about it. WHY WHY WHY does such garbage exist. 1 stars
2/27/04 scott thank you ,Martin Lawrence, for new always finding new ways to suck 1 stars
2/17/04 Igor Isnt worth the film its printed on. Complete garbage that should be burned 1 stars
2/12/04 Joe Martin Lawrence has absolutly no talent to speek of, all he ever does is make racist jokes 1 stars
2/10/04 Dr.Lecter Hott dogg, learn to spell and use English correctly, you cretin 1 stars
1/24/04 Vinnie This movie was an affront to God and the Heavens above. 1 stars
1/02/04 OnlyChild Wasn't even funny, wasn't anything 2 stars
11/21/03 Jack I would give it a zero if I could. HONESTLY, the worst movie I have ever seen. 1 stars
11/12/03 w it has some fun in it, but the script ruins it. 1 stars
9/16/03 John Movie not funny comedy. Not funny comedy make angry. Angry make chainsaw kill martin 1 stars
7/23/03 Max B This is such a racist crap movie it actually makes me want to join the clan! 1 stars
7/18/03 Igor I am a black comedy fan but THIS MOVIE BLOWS. Its so bad that you cant even make fun of it 1 stars
6/30/03 seldom scene do not see this movie 1 stars
6/23/03 ThaFreek Great movie ! Maybe a lil' bit too much racism ... but otherwise simply GREAT ! 5 stars
6/13/03 Jerry IT SUCKS!! IT REALLY SUCKS!!!! 1 stars
5/29/03 Geller THIS MOVIE WOULD MAKE GANDHI OR JESUS WANT TO KILL MARTIN. ITS FULL OF UNFUNNY HATE! 1 stars
5/18/03 Brett to shitty 1 stars
2/21/03 Evil Bob Death became my best mate during this picture and tempted me a way out with a circular saw! 1 stars
2/19/03 Martin movies suck Martin Lawrence is only funny next to Tim Robbins or Will Smith. 1 stars
2/14/03 Andrew Carden A Complete Horrid Mess With Two Bored Performers. 1 stars
2/12/03 The Aussie Film Reviewer Abhorrent stuff. Why do people keep buying tickets? 1 stars
1/31/03 dave Martin hasn't made a good movie since Nothing to Lose... 1 stars
1/31/03 Spidey Imagine a white guy saying racial slurs about blacks, and people laughing... 1 stars
1/30/03 A Dead Body in Your County Morgue Fuck anyone who doesn't think this movie Sucks All Ass, but most of all, fuck you, Martin 1 stars
1/28/03 D It wasnt Martin's worst. Better than Black Knight 3 stars
1/27/03 Will Smith Bad in so many ways. Martin Lawrence is a disgusting Eddie Murphy-wannabe cunt 1 stars
1/27/03 Sultan of Kinakuta Aaahla-haaalah-mnaavi-staaaava-haavala-eaeaea! 2 stars
1/26/03 Mr Math If you idiots would stop paying to see Martin Lawrence movies, THEY'D STOP MAKING THEM! 1 stars
1/24/03 snowconehead I was so proud of the fact I was able to see this for free.......then I watched the movie 1 stars
1/21/03 Narco Whoa, a black cop paired with an white cop? Never heard that idea before! 1 stars
1/20/03 jeff in montco See, he's Black. And everyone else is White! That's what makes it so funny!! 1 stars
1/19/03 Angry Black Man Last nite I went to see this doo doo. I'm going back to reading novels on friday evenings! 1 stars
1/18/03 EatAtMilliways Jesus. Not worth paying for. Hell, it wasn't worth getting in for free. 2 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  17-Jan-2003 (PG-13)
  DVD: 06-Jul-2004

UK
  N/A

Australia
  08-May-2003


Directed by
  Dennis Dugan

Written by
  David Ronn
  Jay Scherick

Cast
  Martin Lawrence
  Steve Zahn
  Timothy Busfield
  Bill Duke
  Colm Feore
  Eric Roberts



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