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When a movie ends and the most pressing thing in your brain is the word "Huh?", odds are that you just watched either A) a normal bad movie, or B) a movie as stunningly bad as Blood Mania. Advertised as both a garish horror film and a jolting mystery tale, Blood Mania (or as I like to call it: B.M.) is actually nothing more than three or four gauzy love scenes offset by a nonstop deluge of "Let's kill so and so for his fortune" schpiel. I instantly and involuntarily tuned out every time the characters spoke.

Imagine a particularly nasty episode of Dallas, only with a lot of nubile female nudity, and you've got this movie pegged. I swear I remember nothing about the film except for the asses and nipples, and for that I blame (and praise, I suppose) the filmmakers responsible. All of the gals on display are either bitches or gold-diggers, though not one of 'em is ugly...which helps a lot. (Rare is the film this awful that I'd scan back through a second time, but redhead Reagan Wilson was worth it.)

So that's all I got; the movie itself is drier than a mouthful of fireplace ashes, the production value and screenwriting vie for top of the shitheap, and it's a movie you'll actively despise before the end. But there IS lots of sweet skin on board; thanks for small favors: Wilson offers a few quick nipples during a clumsy post-rape scene, and again in the bathtub. I wanted to see more of this gal! Blondie Vicki Peters has a rather large and buoyant rack, and she exposes it frequently. Maria De Aragon takes first place in the nakedness contest, plus as a brunette, she capably completes the trifecta. Titties in the pool, knockers makin' whoopee, boobies in the mirror; one wonders if the wardrobe people ever even met Maria.

If it seems weird to focus mainly on a film's nudity, it's important to remember that the Skin is the ONLY thing worth seeing in this movie. Were the nudity removed, Blood Mania would retain the entertinment value of a used tea bag.

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originally posted: 01/08/03 13:26:29
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