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Overall Rating
3.27

Awesome33.9%
Worth A Look: 16.95%
Average: 13.56%
Pretty Bad: 13.56%
Total Crap: 22.03%

3 reviews, 41 user ratings


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Evita
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by Chris Parry

"Here's Madonna, 'I'm Eva Peron, love me'. Here's me, 'Go to fuck'"
1 stars

A musical. A musical that's been done more times than Monica. A singer. A singer that's been through more personality changes than your average acid flashback bothered Vietnam Veteran. Throw in an Italian who can't sing, pretending to be Argentinian who can, and you have Evita.

If you read any more into this abhorrent waste of cash, then you're either a wanna-be film snob, a fan of Madonna or you should check into the Betty Ford, toot suite.

Evita, the story of Eva Peron - Argentina's 'mother' and basically a woman who fucked her way to the top, and then bought nice dresses while Rome burned - is also am adaption of the musical stage-play. And it shows.

There are only two things stopping you from walking out of the theatre early.

The first is Madonna's ever-changing wardrobe. Every scene a new gown. Whoop dee dick.

The second thing is the question of whether any of the mashed potatoes I thought were in Antonio's mouth would spray onto the ornate floor during his vocals. The mashed potatoes didn't actually exist, but it sure sounded like it.

Rousing pile of shit, and if you think otherwise you should adjust your set.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=672&reviewer=1
originally posted: 09/21/98 23:15:40
[printer] printer-friendly format  

User Comments

8/16/14 Charles Tatum Theater geeks will love it, but I was bored. 2 stars
7/11/10 Carmen Madonna was a bit stony in that, Pryce was great .but there was some damn weird music! 2 stars
1/15/10 Cody It was really good! If you don't like the people in it, you won't like it though! 5 stars
1/23/07 Sepi53 great music and Madonna is good! 4 stars
11/22/05 Michael Ok music video, bad movie 2 stars
5/09/05 sbpat21 good movie, suffers from the bombast of Webber 4 stars
10/19/04 John A musical without any charm and real emotion 2 stars
7/16/04 DM Superb direction, Banderas is great, but music is bad and.....MADONNA? 2 stars
6/26/04 Alex much better than expected 4 stars
4/20/04 Kelly wilson breathe taking 5 stars
4/16/04 Ashley Evita Rocks! 5 stars
11/23/03 Jennifer It's the best movie ever! 5 stars
6/01/03 Rob Madonna was Eva. Spectacular showcase of a patriarch's life. 5 stars
5/09/03 mr. Pink Way better than anyone could've predicted. Entertaining, well-played and directed. 4 stars
4/26/03 Goofy Maxwell Muerte a Evita. 2 stars
4/24/03 Ragin' Pope Angus Dear God, make the pain go away. It sucked donkeys. 1 stars
3/27/03 Robert It sucks like shit. I wanted that dam movie to stop, but it didn't. Antonio sucks shit. 1 stars
11/25/02 Kyle Overall, not very good. But worth seeing just for the dramatic first 15 minutes! 4 stars
9/05/02 Chancey Thunderpants I fucking hate musicals, and this was particularly bad. Madonna's a blackhole of an actress 1 stars
8/13/02 1983 Madonna is fine: overly long & some music is far too turgid. 4 stars
3/25/02 Jimmy Bad movie 1 stars
1/22/02 Andrew Carden Gives The Broadway Musical A Bad Name. 1 stars
1/11/02 Travis R. Sorensen way too much singing. some of the sequences work and madonna and banderas are good 4 stars
8/29/01 Gary It has to be said: Madonna was fucking great. Every word didn't need to be sung tho. 4 stars
6/26/01 Natasha Fox stunning and inspiring,Madonna's best performance to date 5 stars
5/23/01 Matthew This movie was great! Nice music. Where's the Oscar win? 5 stars
5/06/01 Rohit Johari The greatest movie of all time! 5 stars
4/01/01 Jesse L Madonna ruins it. 1 stars
4/19/00 yankee decent, good music, no plot, Madonna once in a while has a good voice, 3 stars
12/18/99 Kim Madonna desreves an oscar and Banderas is hot and cool. Great music!! 5 stars
10/05/99 the Grinch Overblown, grandiose bullshit by overrated hack Andrew Lloyd Weber...Stay away! 2 stars
8/24/99 Elizaveta Once is most definitely enough for a lifetime. 3 stars
8/18/99 Rodney Duke Madonna And Antonio Are Awesome 5 stars
6/15/99 Dylan Under rated. 5 stars
2/12/99 mandy Madonna is in it. 5 stars
12/16/98 Scion of Graveheart There was a Madonna movie?! 5 stars
10/27/98 Silent Rob Very well done, but only for those who care. (Damn I hate Webber) 4 stars
9/13/98 Dave Pelletier A good movie, in spite of Banderas! 4 stars
9/06/98 Helle Marie Fuck everybody that don`t like it- it`s great! 5 stars
8/28/98 Mister Whoopee Antonio Banderas was the only one in this who had the right accent and he's not Argentinian 1 stars
8/25/98 Miss Stress I had the fuckin songs stuck in my head for weeks, i hate that 2 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  25-Dec-1996 (PG)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  02-Feb-1997




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