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Overall Rating

Awesome: 4.43%
Worth A Look: 8.87%
Average: 7.88%
Pretty Bad: 14.78%
Total Crap64.04%

12 reviews, 131 user ratings

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Wild Wild West
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by Scott Weinberg

"As crappy as you've heard, only much much worse."
1 stars

OK, I avoided it like the plague on its release, thanks mainly to the horrible press it was getting and the fact that the preview made me feel like I was in second grade and had to pee real bad. I had to rent it because that's what I do. I review 'em, good or bad. If you are reading this sentence and you have never seen this pile of garbage, consider yourself fortunate. Untainted, even. This is Hollywood at its most base and pathetic.

Wild, Wild West is simply a bizarre and monumental collision of many terrible components. It may eventually stand as the textbook example of pathetic, paint-by-numbers moviemaking. Remember how movies like Gremlins and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom were a little too violent? It caused a big uproar in Hollywood and then PG-13 rating was born. Well, I see movies like Batman & Robin and Wild Wild West as future benchmarks. In the future, when the rare retarded spectacle is released, people will say "Ack, gross. This reminds me of when shit like Speed 2 was made. Let's go see American Beauty 3."

Kevin Kline and Will Smith basically wander about for ninety minutes, occasionally mentioning things pertaining to some meaningless plot. Kline takes it real hard in this one. He's this gadget inventor guy who has a wacky booby-trapped train and he dresses up like a woman. This actor has done some unbelievable work in his time, and not just movies. It's sad to see him trying so hard to breathe something into this dead dinosaur of a movie. Will Smith does his average wise-guy, flippant thing. He's a really likable actor, and I hate to shred him, but if he's not careful, he'll be doing this crap his whole career. Is this really the same guy who was in Six Degrees of Separation?

Salma Hayak does the 'window-dressing' role again and I must say that as an actress, she really has a knack for having large breasts. That's about it. Her character has no purpose in the movie at all, and the obviousness of it is irritating throughout. But the King of Crap in Wild Wild West (no, not Barry Sonnenfeld, although he comes off here like someone TRYING to emulate Schumacher, what with all the bad phallic jokes.) is "respected until 1999" Kenneth Branagh. He plays Arliss Loveless (clever) who is a villain in a wheelchair because he has no legs. Laughing yet? To say he is over the top in this movie is to say that Salma Hayak's children will be reasonably well-fed. His performance goes beyond "campy and fun" and enters the realm of "grotesque and unpleasant".

We should be grateful that the four (!) screenwriters even tried to string together a story. All I could gather was that Jim West (Smith) and Artemus Gordon (Kline) want to kill Loveless. It was complicated, but I think I figured that much out. There's also a bunch of stuff about kidnapped scientists and wacky gizmos and Salma's boobies, but that stuff was too complex for me. I just like to watch the bells and whistles. Weee. For you people who watch movies for the weak effects, there's a giant mechanical spider near the end. It looked cheesy and fake. Plus, they decided to throw this particularly futuristic effect into what looks like a WESTERN, which makes it look cheesier and faker.

If this is what you look for in a movie, e-mail me. We'll talk about your life and how things look and what is best for you in the grand scheme of things. I can help. I really can.

link directly to this review at
originally posted: 12/10/99 17:43:46
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User Comments

12/20/09 Jeff Wilder Decent attempts by Smith and Kline can't make up for ineptitude in the writing. 1 stars
10/28/09 the dork knight Looks a bit-washed out and gross. Visuals aside, it's hella funny 4 stars
8/24/08 Samantha Pruitt pretty corny, but still a good time. The song is cool though, and the giant spider was cool 3 stars
12/19/07 Pamela White nothing like the origional 2 stars
5/29/07 action movie fan it was fun to watch a james bond of the time it was set in 4 stars
5/08/07 R.W.Welch Waste of good F/X money. Watch reruns of the old TV show instead. 2 stars
4/19/07 Stevo UK Takes the piss out of true American history. I know that, and im from Yorkshire. 1 stars
1/01/07 del Ahh, the beginning of Will Smith's decline... 1 stars
12/26/06 johnnyfog Good documenterary on Salma's ass. Kevin Kline made me laugh though... 3 stars
10/09/06 Ned was a wee on when i watched it, but it kept me entertained with all of the loud noises 3 stars
10/05/06 Indrid Cold Why were people so down on this? I thought it was quite entertaining and original. 4 stars
7/12/06 Roy Sci-Fi was cool, action was cool,but all to far-fetched for a movie set in 1870 3 stars
6/10/06 Billy Warner Brothers sure knows what CGI is all about, but I was bored 3 stars
5/21/06 Kcaj Has it's good moments but the storyline is plastic. But it ain't that bad 3 stars
2/07/06 Anthony James Bond meets Cowboys 2 stars
9/13/05 Total Crap Extremely Forgettable Movie. Dumb jokes. Hell, Shark Tale is better than this. 1 stars
8/17/05 ES Ack! this movie got a better rating than 'Soldier'= giant spiders my ass! 1 stars
3/14/05 Jeff Anderson The kind of greedy & humorless JUNK that makes me hate W. Smith films forever & I MEAN THAT 1 stars
10/25/04 DM I'll be as clear as possible: THIS MOVIE SUCKS! 1 stars
6/04/04 Mitch "Citizen Kane" it ain't, but I've always found it entertaining enough. 3 stars
2/23/04 Kyle *smirk* 1 stars
1/15/04 Samuel a decent cast wasted 2 stars
1/06/04 tricky dick Who should my ex-wife blow for me to get my money back? 2 stars
12/20/03 LP1 Stupid but hilarious 5 stars
11/01/03 Littlepurch Actors gr8! Jokes hilarious and never stop! Story's not too bad either. 4 stars
10/15/03 DrSkyTower A steaming pile of Horse Shit 1 stars
3/31/03 rash xxx 5 stars
3/10/03 Matt Thiel I didn't pay to see this. These idiots don't deserve my money, and they don't deserve yours 1 stars
2/10/03 Joe What A Piece Of Crap 1 stars
2/10/03 Joe What A Piece Of Crap 1 stars
10/21/02 Chiend Bad enough to give Hollywood a bad name, if such a thing is possible. 1 stars
6/27/02 Jenny Trout The worst movie I have seen in, oh wait, forever. 1 stars
3/18/02 mn oh no he [Will Smith] won't. not another movie sighs 1 stars
3/06/02 Brittany James Love Salma Hayek, but her role in this is only half-assed in more ways than one. 2 stars
2/27/02 Good God!!!!!!!! Will Smith is cool & charming and all, but he did nothing for this slop. 2 stars
12/15/01 big boy You people dont know what good means your all a bunch of sbuttheads 5 stars
11/17/01 I want movies Hey you dumb people are insulting Will Smith 5 stars
9/17/01 Gary Horrible, horrible movie. Unfunny, over-flashy and just plain annoying. 1 stars
8/09/01 E-Funk Will made a fuck up...Will made a fuck up...nah, nah, nah, nah,nah,nah 1 stars
4/19/01 Tam CHEESEY SHIT! But at least it gave me an excuse to stare at Will Smith. 1 stars
2/15/01 KyLe*BrOfLoVsKi Should've been called. "Vile Vile Mess"...avoid as you would a bad case of the clap. 1 stars
2/01/01 cheese Satan sat on a toliet, and this came out. 1 stars
1/20/01 Ground Zero this was a really shitty movie! I didn't enjoy it at all!!! 1 stars
1/18/01 I love movies somehow this movie worked for me 4 stars
11/29/00 Cristopher Revilla what the fuck was that?!!! man this movie stunk, and whoever likes it is a fuckhead!!!! 1 stars
11/03/00 dan ohhh... that woman in the tower is hoooooot! 5 stars
10/13/00 Jason terrible...go to the symphony! 1 stars
10/13/00 Josh I now believe that the end is near.... 1 stars
9/09/00 Jed I agree with David Rogers this movie is excellent! 5 stars
8/26/00 NoRefill Should have been calle "Wild, Wild, Sucks". I hated it. Not like the original at all. 1 stars
7/09/00 Andrew Freeman This made me not want to masturbate for weeks 1 stars
6/20/00 Ulatekk Terrible. I don't think blacks were allowed in the Secret Service until the 1960's... 1 stars
5/30/00 danilo hilarious and totally misunderstood movie that's definitely worth a look 4 stars
4/27/00 Pansy Awful. The only thing that stood in ths flick was Hayek's hooters. 1 stars
3/11/00 Richard Wright Whats the fuss about, this is as dumb as your average summer movie.Better than Godzilla too 2 stars
3/06/00 Kyle Broflovski It's like being bitten by Cujo while trapped in a hot car. Actually, it's worse. 1 stars
2/22/00 Mr. Kramitall Release the series on video now, and destroy until the last copy of this horrid travesty. 1 stars
11/25/99 Mark Awful 1 stars
11/04/99 Mickey "Father Death" MacJohnstmyster "Oh you is all that brutha" , get over yourself Smith you suck more than ya movies. 2 stars
10/26/99 H'Woodbigshot Yo! Wuz up, Homes. Not this piece of Bimzi. 1 stars
10/20/99 Lame-Oh All Seeing I, you genius! Oughta be called Vile Vile Mess! 1 stars
10/19/99 Bueller The film focuses more on humor than the TV series did. Gadgets are cooler though. 4 stars
10/17/99 Mr. Invincible For heaven's sake, Will, stick to your music carrer! Sheesh! 1 stars
10/14/99 Gunslinger This movie is a complete waste of time and money. Will Smith should stick to rapping! 1 stars
10/11/99 Ben Ryan What a piece of dogshit! Smith, move on, sing sing, don't act, don't act. 1 stars
10/10/99 Viral Messiah Sheer stupidity. 1 stars
10/04/99 the Grinch Couldve been better,loved KenB,it was entertaining,and that's all it was intended to be. 3 stars
10/04/99 Suckit boring as hell 1 stars
10/03/99 Joe Schmoe Dude, this is bad! 1 stars
9/29/99 Orgazmo A wild wild test of your intelligence 1 stars
9/25/99 mike minshell excellent film 5 stars
9/24/99 old muther hubbard this movie was wy too violent 4 little old me 3 stars
9/23/99 Slushie I agree with the pineapple dude. 1 stars
9/20/99 Weird Andy An embarrassment to the terrific TV show. 1 stars
9/20/99 Admiral Crunch Note to Jaddax (3 lines down): shut the hell up. Worse than The Haunting. A pitiful ripoff. 1 stars
9/17/99 Kory I'd rather shove a pineapple up my ass than watch this pile of shit again. 1 stars
9/15/99 Feral Not THAT bad but not good either. In all a waste of time. 2 stars
9/12/99 Jonathan Hefner What a load of bullshit 1 stars
9/11/99 Jaddax it was a very good movie so screw all that don`t like it 5 stars
9/11/99 Jomo One of the worst movies I have ever seen. 1 stars
9/04/99 William Worst movie since Batman & Robin. What a waste of talent. I almost walked out. 1 stars
9/04/99 Andel Crodo Someone involved in making the film obviously had an overactive infatuation with breasts. 2 stars
8/26/99 Ami the Wonderbread Even my favorite actor Ken Branagh sucked in this movie. 2 stars
8/26/99 Ah Dooey Right on with the review. Anybody who spam junk on this site shall be barred from Hollywood 1 stars
8/21/99 BoB ONE WORD: LAME!!! 1 stars
8/20/99 Japtalian This movie followed the premise of the T.V version. Western-SciFi. I enjoyed it. 4 stars
8/19/99 Admiral Crunch Gee, and the trailers were better, huh? Yeah, right. 1 stars
8/16/99 Stephen Cook i didn't see the movie, and i didn't need to, the previews were enough 1 stars
8/15/99 Ryan_A If you like this, Steve, you're not as tough as you think. Only The Haunting is worse. 1 stars
8/12/99 Steve Kelley I'm a tough critic, and I like it. Escapist, fun, preposterous. See for yourself. 4 stars
8/10/99 Laz when Hollywood is bad,it is really bad!! Just dreadful... 1 stars
8/10/99 The Graduate Bad writing, bad acting. Watch the gadgets. 2 stars
8/04/99 Binghi Salma Hayek's body double has nice ass. 1 stars
8/03/99 Mboua I saw this movie for free and got ripped off. 1 stars
8/02/99 XenoWolf The dummest movie ive seen in years 1 stars
8/02/99 John M What a BAD movie!!! 1 stars
8/01/99 Obi Wan Was almost as bad as BELOVED if not for Salma Hayek's Ass! She's off da hook! 1 stars
8/01/99 SaSa Cinematic excrement. 1 stars
7/31/99 Roman Nice look but everything else was a smoldering pile of SHIT 1 stars
7/31/99 Innocent movie goer "It wasn't that bad, pretty good actually. It was definately worth a look." 4 stars
7/29/99 Tigger I thought this movie was not Will Smith's best of the summer but was worth seeing 4 stars
7/29/99 Sabina They must have left the best parts on the cutting room floor 1 stars
7/28/99 dave top ten worst 1 stars
7/27/99 David Kindred Don't see it. 1 stars
7/25/99 blue i could pull a better movie out of my ass 1 stars
7/24/99 MilhousFan Wow, this movie had the worst screenplay ever 1 stars
7/20/99 Imagoner Blecch. Worst movie of '99, so far. 1 stars
7/18/99 George Estremera A blast! Saw it twice! 4 stars
7/17/99 buddy ugh. one of the worst movies ever made. 1 stars
7/17/99 Ron Cruz Wow Great Film!!! What's wrong with you? 5 stars
7/16/99 Jo Jo, The Idiot Circus Boy High: Will Smith. Low: Everything ELSE. 1 stars
7/15/99 Keith Salma's ass is worth a look. The film isn't. 1 stars
7/15/99 Ryan_A Best part of the flick? M. Emmet Walsh. Man's a genius. 1 stars
7/15/99 Tony Daquano Pure Crap 2 stars
7/11/99 Cherry A total waste of time. There are no words to describe how I hate this AWFUL movie. YUCK! 1 stars
7/10/99 Alexander Too F-uped for me! 2 stars
7/09/99 Bobber Another W.Smith Formula movie like MIB and ID4. Could've done with seeing his bag and butt 1 stars
7/08/99 Scott It gave me convulsions 1 stars
7/08/99 midson Painfully boring.. stay away from this movie. 1 stars
7/07/99 Freyja Sucks all molecules of amusement right out of your system. Awful 1 stars
7/07/99 Mr Showbiz Isn't half as fun as it needs to be. 3 stars
7/06/99 James Coffey When I first saw the trialers I thought this movie would suck, I was absolutly correct. 1 stars
7/06/99 Skiv Save your money, this movie is so bad it's depressing... 1 stars
7/04/99 Howard Roark Big Disappointment, nothing like the series. two words...SAD Times! 2 stars
7/04/99 Morpheous Horrible! A waist of money... 1 stars
7/02/99 Elizaveta Kenneth Branagh! What have you done!?! 2 stars
7/02/99 Ah Dooey Complete drivel. 1 stars
7/01/99 Nick Spanos Beyond painful. Zero stars. 1 stars
7/01/99 Christina boring boring boring boring boring. and i did not need to see either of smith or kline drag 1 stars
7/01/99 Alandizo it's an awful movie, not logical and absolutely full of nonsense 1 stars
7/01/99 PhilmPhreak Its not as bad as I thought it would be. Not quite. Close, but not quite. 2 stars
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  30-Jun-1999 (PG-13)



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