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Overall Rating
  Awesome: 40.43%
Worth A Look: 13.16%
Average: 5.5%
Pretty Bad: 7.66%
Total Crap: 33.25%
9 reviews, 364 user ratings
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| House of 1000 Corpses |
by Scott Weinberg
"When Rockers Direct: Vol 2!"

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Hi. I'm a rather popular rock star who maintains a Horror Theme, and it's one my fans really dig. I am of course a Horror Fan myself, so that makes things a lot easier. Since I'm kinda rich, I decided to try my hand at directing my very own horror movie. I figured that lots of money and an affinity for all things gruesome were all one needed to make a cohesive and entertaining movie. Holy Shit was I wrong.Tobe Hooper's seminal Texas Chainsaw Massacre is of course a watershed film, a horror film of stunning artistry and impact, one that's as admired today as it ever was; a true classic in every sense of the word.
Rob Zombie's mega-delayed House of 1000 Corpses is a garish remake of TCM, one delivered by what seems to be a very grimy and very hungry collection of misfits culled from gas stations, all-night laundromats and sewers. Long touted as some sort of 'ultimate statement in cinematic horror' turns out to be nothing more than "Four Kids Wander into the Wrong Texas House" conceit, and a film that absolutely deserves to have its title changed to The Texas Chainsaw Masscare Part 5: Attack of the Untalented.
A plot synopsis would be redundant to anyone familiar with the original adventures of Leatherface, but here goes:
Car breaks down.
Teen morons wander about and meet up with a creepy backwoods clan.
All teen morons die save one. (5 slain cheerleaders are involved although the title clearly promises over 900 more.)
The chaste survivor is chased about a house of bony horrors.
She escapes or she doesn't. (I didn't like the flick but that doesn't mean I want to spoil the damn thing for y'all.)
If I could pin the problems in the film to one very specific thing, it would have to be this:
Rob Zombie is an atrocious filmmaker. Clearly his screenwriting skills are limited to halfhearted plagiarism masquerading as homage, but his directorial talents are markedly less impressive. Lingering on graphic gore can be a wonderful thing - given there's some sort of dramatic oomph to back it up. Ugly for ugly's sake is just unpleasant. But that's not to imply that House of 1000 Corpses is the reputed gorefest Zombie clearly wants us to think it is. Sure there are a few moments of gloopy goo and graphic nastiness, but to say they're few and far between would be a massive understatement.
I'm not exactly sure what makes shock-rockers think their recording successes can be parlayed into moviemaking affluency, but the experiments sure make for some wretched movies. Former Twisted Sister frontman Dee Snider tried something similar a few years back with the stunningly awful Strangeland. One can only hope that Marilyn Manson doesn't start eying the director's chair...though I bet Trent Reznor could pull it off! Sadly for Zombie, what works in a 3-minute rock video clearly can't be maintained for 80-some minutes - plus movies need dialogue and that opens up a whole new ball of problems.
A massive disappointment in my book (horror animal that I so am), this flick trots out its irritatingly familiar proceedings with an alarming intensity, several sequences linger on and on to the point of frustration, the grungy cast does nothing to elevate the familiarity into anything resembling Campy Fun (though a homicidal blondie does command some...attention), and the one onscreen goofball who manages to earn some chuckles (Sid Haig as a disgusting clown) vanishes for huge segments - in favor of more moments of Desperate Slimy Wandering.Much as I wanted to add Corpses to my list of New Horror Classics (28 Days Later, Dog Soldiers, Below, Cabin Fever, May, Ginger Snaps and a few others) the sad truth is simply that Zombie hasn't the chops for filmmaking. Successfully playing a zombie onstage doesn't take the place of a few basic courses in Film School.
link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=7365&reviewer=128 originally posted: 03/29/03 18:30:50
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USA 11-Apr-2003 (R) DVD: 12-Aug-2003
UK N/A
Australia 11-Mar-2004
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