Real Cancun, The

Reviewed By wintermute
Posted 05/16/03 05:14:14

"Do people actually have conversations like that?"
1 stars (Total Crap)

The youth of America have spoken, and their common language is 'PARTY!' This sad depiction of middle-American trash attempting to find some meaning in their empty, pathetic lifestyles is good for unintentional hilarity and mind-boggling shallowness of character. But that's about it. Not even any decent nudity!

That's right - director Rick de Oliveira, veteran of such fare as 'Making the Band 2' and 'Who Wants To Be A Playboy Centerfold?' manages to group every last second of nudity into a 3 minute wet-t shirt contest right near the start of the film. No nudity from any cast members, and most disappointing of all, no eccentric cast member who wanders around the hotel in his or her birthday suit.

This film starred Alan and Amber and Ben and Brittany and Casey and David and Heidi and Jeremy and Jorell and Laura and Matt and Nicole and Paul and Roxanne and Sarah and Sky and briefly Snoop Dogg. No, I am not making any of this up.

The forced joie de vivre and 'spontaneity' of the story that almost-but-not-quite unfolds in this movie are as grating as asphalt under a skate-boarders knees. This film is more a study in the sadness of the lonely human being than anything else. These hollow shadows haunt the party spots and beaches of Cancun, not so much reaching but lashing out for temporary companionship as they strive to stay interested in their cast mates and even themselves. The long silences in their conversations where you can see the gears in their brains grind your attention span into a fine dust are not actual indications of deep thought, but are in fact, the first detectable signs of death by stupid.

Cast members reminisce about decades they could not possibly remember, explore binge drinking, and in fact some even fade into the background, never really delivering any lives but constantly appearing in shot after shot, like some kind of creepy bikini-clad Secret Service agents.

In fact, I can only recall two members of the Cancun Borg Collective - (You will party. Resistance is futile) - Casey, the touched by God part animal who seemed to genuinely not notice the camera, even as he fell, drunk and screaming, into a crowded pool, and the dude who look EXACTLY like Iceman from Top Gun - and who scored time and time again in front of his previous conquests. They call him Iceman because that's how he fucks - ice cold, no mistakes.

Never, under any circumstances, view this film alone. Make sure you are with friends who will appreciate the humour of human misery personified in college-age Americans. Make sure you don't bring a date. Make sure you bring some oxygen.

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