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Overall Rating

Awesome: 12.03%
Worth A Look: 11.39%
Average: 9.49%
Pretty Bad: 13.29%
Total Crap53.8%

5 reviews, 128 user ratings

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2 Fast 2 Furious
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by Scott Weinberg

"2 Awful 4 Words"
1 stars

It was bound to happen. In a year overloaded with studio surprises and big-budget excellence, it was only a matter of time before moviegoers would be subjected to a stunningly lazy and harrowingly paint-by-numbers sequel. My pal Eric now refers to it as "2 Slow 2 Stupid"; I myself favor "2 Fat 2 Fornicate". Either way, the astoundingly stupid title is only the tip of inanity iceberg.

Vin Diesel took his swollen greed and bailed on this series, so simple mathematics dictate that Paul Walker was one box-office draw short for the inevitable sequel. Universal Studios, well aware that the CARS are the star of the film, waved bye-bye to the Vin-man, offered the talentless white-bread sidekick a charitable pay raise and somehow convinced formerly impressive director John Singleton to rush the mindless sequel into the multiplexes.

As I sat and withstood the rampant awfulness of 2 Fast 2 Furious, I could actually FEEL the contempt and indifference of the filmmakers ooze lazily over me. What worked somewhat well in the mildly superior original is bypassed for a storyline that would seem out of date in an old Hawaii Five-0 episode and the flick as a whole is a sloppy and nonsensical collection of barely connected plot segments. Oh but the cars go real fast.

Yeah yeah mindless popcorn flick blah blah. I’m all for mindless entertainment; movies this uninspired and lethargic and characteristically bland deserve nothing but my contempt. One can almost HEAR the Universal execs off-camera shrieking “Script schmipt! I don’t care about logic or plot holes or anything resembling a coherent movie! Film lots of CARS and lots of barely-covered female ASSES! Have both heroes take off their SHIRTS at least ONCE! I need FOUR car chases by April so we can get this DAMN thing into post! We have FOURTEEN different product-placement sponsors to placate! We’re opening this thing in June or you’re ALL FIRED!”

There’s simply no other logical explanation for a movie this atrocious to be released theatrically. The lengthy car chases are pedantic and poorly shot and barely exhibit a pulse. The interminable PLOT STUFF takes up 75% of the film’s running time and none of it is presented convincingly. Everyone onscreen seems bored and well fed; dutifully working on their chop-shop product and cutting every corner possible to get the thing done on the quick and on the cheap.

The vacancy left by Diesel allows the charismatic-yet-uninteresting Tyrese to take the shotgun role, while Hollywood bench player Paul Walker gets the lead role by way of default. This is an important distinction, as there’s simply no imaginable WAY that a performer as woefully inept as Paul Walker could otherwise headline a big-time Summer Movie. Strutting through the film with a faux-tough guy (and giggle-inducing) chest swagger, a painted-on smirk and a complete air of total confusion, Walker offers perhaps one of the most enjoyably awful performances since Faye Dunaway unknowingly lampooned Joan Crawford.

The supporting cast is a deliberately colorful collection of Chicas and Bros, dime store J.Los and Cole Hausers gussied up to look like the world’s angriest Jon Favreaus. (As the evil baddie, Hauser is the only one involved who seems to be having any fun – and by ’involved’ I mean everyone watching the damn movie too.) There are several women in the film, each of whom can be spotted by their plump ripe ass cheeks. Bring the kids.

Why savage a silly little car flick? Because it’s assembly-line product like 2 Fast 2 Furious that clearly illustrates what happens when commerce obliterates art. Yes, movies are a business and studios need to make their profits. But in a movie state where film fans are thrilled and challenged by sequels like X-Men 2 and The Matrix Reloaded and Harry Potters and Lords of the Rings, the game has been elevated to a new level of quality. 2 Fast 2 Furious is all about the merchandising, the tie-ins, the car leases, the opening weekend profits and the back-end deals. It’s a film that has no passion, no heart, no logic, no entertainment value, and (sadly and most ironically) no drive whatsoever.

Inevitably I’ll get miles of hate mail from passionate automobile aficionados calling me a clueless loser asshole for not being able to get behind such car-laden extravaganza. I’ll save you guys some trouble: you know cars and I wouldn’t second-guess your expertise for a second. Me, I know movies – and this movie sucks across the board.

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originally posted: 06/06/03 15:30:11
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User Comments

9/22/17 morris campbell same old shit minus douchebag diesel 1 stars
4/06/15 Cameron What a patronizing review. This was a highly entertaining and well-made film. 4 stars
2/16/09 Jeff Wilder What happened to John Singleton? 1 stars
6/15/08 CD It was pointless, dumb, and had me drooling because of the abundance of stupidity, DUMB! 1 stars
9/12/07 Caleb fuck u all it was a sick movie 5 stars
9/02/07 fgfftyh it is very cool 5 stars
6/14/07 michael this movie is cool 5 stars
5/17/07 sam disappointed as the first waas much better but have seen better 2 stars
5/15/07 Bilge Kađan Oran 10330 5 stars
3/10/07 Car Lover This is crap. Plastic cars doing impossible stuffs 1 stars
5/12/06 mr.seraph fast and the furious wasnt too great, and this movie is even worse 2 stars
3/28/06 Brian Meyer As fun as driving intoxicated, with all the after effects of the crash. fatalities included 1 stars
2/27/06 Anthony Feor Not the best sequel, but it was enjoyable 3 stars
12/23/05 cody a good sequel with even more car action and stunts, good story, and cool music vin is gone 4 stars
12/09/05 Saqib I was insulted upon considering what they must have thought of the viewers intellect 1 stars
11/26/05 Zenny I felt my IQ dropping the whole time 1 stars
10/05/05 Andrew Cramer This surpassed my incredibly low expectations, and not in a good way. 1 stars
8/31/05 Dyran Saggoonoo The stunts are not too cool ! 4 stars
8/28/05 Denzel Tomarra Very good movie 5 stars
8/21/05 tony it was good. I esspecially liked the car races! 3 stars
7/31/05 Bad Critic It made me hate the first one too! 2 stars
7/18/05 nathan yeates its mint 5 stars
4/25/05 OverTheRainbow if you are wanting male eye candy...this is the movie! 5 stars
4/17/05 sidman656 it had its action and it threw in some girls but there could've been more of a story to it 3 stars
4/16/05 Carol Conway Wasn't fast enough 2 stars
3/26/05 Denise not as good as the first 3 stars
3/12/05 Jester Disappointment after it's much better predecessor 2 stars
3/09/05 Carolyn Rathburn A lot of grand standing, but lots of action, twists and turns, love those cars 4 stars
3/03/05 jake benson it was fucking awsome 5 stars
3/02/05 David Tsung more fast or furious 1 stars
3/02/05 Jack Bourbon Shockingly, not a masterpiece 2 stars
3/02/05 Colleen Goldrick 2 Slow 1 stars
2/02/05 Charlie Too Lame Too Stupid! 2 stars
12/30/04 Dan Wtf did I just watch? 1 stars
11/26/04 MICHAEL COOL BUT GOOD 3 stars
11/04/04 Rabekah Williams the first one sucked, the sec bombed hard, need i say more. 1 stars
10/02/04 Jackson Anderson sick mate 5 stars
9/10/04 Therese The film was really good 5 stars
8/16/04 ALDO The story in this was way better than part 1.... 4 stars
7/09/04 Jack An awful movie that reeks of shallowness and stupidity, Ah The Accident Of Birth 1 stars
6/26/04 Nick Clark it was a really cool movie 4 stars
6/24/04 james dont you think that this movie was just a bit exgerated like those lightheaded movie people 2 stars
6/03/04 J 1 WILD RIDE!!! 5 stars
6/01/04 Charlene Javier Pass me the Advil! 1 stars
5/28/04 the bride Brad Da Man Hales? You fuckin asshole. This movie sucks big fat Rhinoceros dick. GROW UP!! 1 stars
4/14/04 matt aprile it is the best movie ive seen about cars and i love cars 5 stars
3/31/04 Alex Awesome cars, great action, just as good as the first one. 5 stars
3/29/04 Brad Da Man Hales totally better than the 1st hope there's a 3rd 5 stars
3/20/04 Nannette this was a good movie 4 stars
3/19/04 Philip James Pattemore I loved the four wheel drives at the start 5 stars
3/13/04 Johnno Falcon piece of shit 1 stars
2/07/04 Lar 15 I absolutly loved the first one but this one was pure crap.Lame! 2 stars
1/29/04 J An Awesome jaw dropper! *** 5 stars
1/17/04 tadpole very good movie 4 stars
1/13/04 Nucleo I'd rather jam a flaming spork up my ass. 1 stars
12/31/03 Jason Maine go play video games like GTA3 or Vice City you dumb fucks! 1 stars
12/23/03 the Grinch Watch Monster Garage or buy Car + Driver.....they have more of a plot 1 stars
12/15/03 frank lohns its shit 1 stars
11/28/03 ben lang Its a wicked and andrenalin rushing movie 5 stars
11/14/03 matt cool 4 stars
11/09/03 John Jackoffski Absolute crap, i hated it and half the stunts were totally impossible. 1 stars
10/26/03 Zaharin Hamid aka The Movie Samseng I fucking hated this movie. It had nothing to do whatsoever with the first one. 1 stars
10/18/03 madsnake this movie is worse than rugrats in paris 1 stars
10/16/03 Nicci Even my bf appoligized for making us watch this junk! 1 stars
10/09/03 Squall01mv A buncha stickers and a tin wing Yeah cars look really great...for me to poop on 1 stars
9/29/03 Bubba it sucked green donky dicks - is there a 0 star rating? 1 stars
9/28/03 djacosta ˇ Hijos de la gran puta ! 1 stars
9/24/03 Haydn White It was a fast paced movie with alot of action with great looking cars 5 stars
9/23/03 jack i wanted to put a bullet in my brain at the theater 1 stars
8/28/03 JJ from da block Please, plastic cars and where's that VIN number dude? 1 stars
8/27/03 Ghetto Smurf Too fast and too furious for a good script *applause* 1 stars
8/18/03 palaboy101 the first movie was definitely better than this 3 stars
8/13/03 swebb I love cars,in every way and every form,but strangely i agree fully with you,TERRIBLE! 1 stars
8/11/03 Amy Would be improved greatly if Walker suddenly became mute. 1 stars
8/05/03 jess I loved it but not as good as the first one 4 stars
7/27/03 Christina It was alright, plot wasnt that good, but i still think it is worth watching at least once 4 stars
7/21/03 AntiRice Never have I seen anything that retarded in my life, lame cars, lame plot 'Nuff said 1 stars
7/19/03 jo blo this move is the crapest ever 1 stars
7/17/03 Terrance Rogers It was good, but Tyrese can't act 4 stars
7/16/03 carlin gazzola fuck the movie 1 stars
7/14/03 jon smith total shit 1 stars
7/08/03 D.A. it sucks reakky bad 1 stars
7/06/03 terance brown not as good as the first 1 4 stars
7/06/03 palaboy101 it's good, but not as memorable as the first movie 3 stars
7/04/03 italian stallion SIK CARS, SHIT ACTING!!! 2 stars
7/04/03 hitler hoganban sweetcars 1 stars
7/02/03 jerk jerk 1 stars
7/01/03 rick fallit it's shit 1 stars
6/30/03 chimney cheese This film stinks. Fast cars & bimbos wont interest me in a film with a woeful plot. 1 stars
6/29/03 Jordi Ok the movie was pretty good but pretty predictable but I think worth it! 4 stars
6/28/03 lick my nuts geeks you suck 4 stars
6/28/03 Atanu oh jeez. why bother 1 stars
6/26/03 Wade one word, Crap, I hate all this cops vs bad guy sh*t, walker and tyrese=beavis + butthead 2 stars
6/24/03 Tiffany See it if you like fast cars, not for the story line 4 stars
6/23/03 marzio simply terrible! Walker is not an actor, and Tyrese... 1 stars
6/23/03 joker cars are awesome 4 stars
6/23/03 Kym ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ..... oh mercy 1 stars
6/19/03 ^ZuLu^ Absolutely average and overdone (boat-scene!). Even the cars were just ok! 3 stars
6/19/03 Dale Birmingham Wow, this really is the worst i've seen yet 1 stars
6/19/03 Captain Highcrime 4 year olds playing with Hot Wheels can do better 2 stars
6/17/03 Large Farve Utter shit. Can't believe the news called this a 'cult classic' 1 stars
6/17/03 honda_racer Another Corporate film brainwashing idiots with product placement 1 stars
6/16/03 Artur really bad movie, can't compare to the first one 1 stars
6/15/03 Earl Dittman, Wireless Magazine What did you expect, spacemonkeys? It's a sequel to "The Fast and The Furious"! 1 stars
6/15/03 monkey slayer shit. pure shit. stick to the first one. 1 stars
6/15/03 h8tinglyf it sucked 1 stars
6/14/03 fart pipe use some real cars, enough of this rice shit 1 stars
6/14/03 killa this movie sucked donkey balls I wasted an hour and a half of my life watching it. 1 stars
6/13/03 Brian i have never heard a white and black guy call each other "bro" and "cuz" that many times 1 stars
6/11/03 Not Ebert an embarassment for John Singleton 1 stars
6/11/03 jeff lewis I might as well have set fire to $8.25 1 stars
6/10/03 Bryan acting sucked plot sucked, dialogue sucked, and the cars were ridicules, Where's Rob Cohen? 1 stars
6/10/03 Hobo Superstar Bra, wassup, I'm am be fin ta riz up n get my race on!!!1 1 stars
6/10/03 Candy Mercado I thought the movie was better than the first . Paul Walker looked hotter than ever. 4 stars
6/10/03 c berry Horrible Director 1 stars
6/09/03 Matt the movie sucked, the cars were not even that good 2 stars
6/09/03 Brian my faith in the movie industry continues to dwindle... 1 stars
6/09/03 Phil The movie sure makes you appricate sequels like godfather 3 alot more 1 stars
6/08/03 Gearhead Walker+Tyrese= hot gay action. Cars+mods=consumer fetishism. For 13 year olds only. 1 stars
6/08/03 Scott Young 100 minutes of rubbish. Couldn't be worse. 1 stars
6/08/03 Angolmois If you thought Matrix sucked donkeys, then this one eviscerates them through the same hole. 1 stars
6/08/03 heeee worse then the first 1 stars
6/08/03 Willie "ATLBLKICE" Simmons Tyrese saved this movie...just another shameful production to rip-off movie goers. 3 stars
6/07/03 synder dumb but entertaining 2 stars
6/07/03 Nothing Like The First Film Which Is A Crime 2 stars
6/06/03 Ronado Pee-Whew! 3 Action scenes and nothing else 1 stars
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  06-Jun-2003 (PG-13)



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