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Overall Rating
2.88

Awesome: 10.99%
Worth A Look30.04%
Average: 19.41%
Pretty Bad: 14.65%
Total Crap: 24.91%

14 reviews, 189 user ratings


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Hulk
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by Chris Parry

"A comicbook movie for adults.. that was Ang Lee's first mistake."
2 stars

If someone comes up to me tomorrow and says, "Here's a hundred million, go make a movie about Hawkman," I know right off the bat what sort of movie I'm going to make. It won't be for adults. It won't be for thinkers. It will have lots of flying, lots of bullets, some cool supervillains and an updating of Hawkman's outfit. It will be made for teenage boys who only care about video games, boobs, explosions and boobs. And it will make $300m. There's simply no margin in making superhero movies for adults, unless they're filled with orcs and elves - Lesson #1 for Ang Lee.

Lesson #2 will be 'pick your editing and sound mixing employees wisely', since failing to do so means an early effects-free copy of your film will end up online, being downloaded by Harry knowles wannabe's who will take great delight in telling the world your film sucks.

Lesson #3 will be 'Eric Bana can't do an American accent worth a damn'. I'd have thought after Blackhawk Down the entire world would have understood this concept, but it seems I was wrong.

Lesson #4 is 'if your ending takes an IQ of more than 75 to figure out, you've got to try again.' Ang could really used that advice when making Hulk.

And the final lesson (at least without buying the Movie Professor Make a Successful Box Office Smash CD-rom for $9.95 plus postage and handling) is 'mutant poodles = not scary'.

So Hulk is green and he gets big when he's angry. And the US government wants to either breed a lot of him, or kill him, or both. He'd prefer they did neither. That's really as much story as you need, to be honest.

Eric Bana is Bruce Banner, a scientist who moonlights as the Hulk when he's not exploding frogs in lab tests. Actually, being The Hulk doesn't pay well and the benefits suck ass, but you do get to break stuff and occasionally shag Jennifer Connelly, which I guess is as good a perk as anyone gets while working for the government nowadays.

Connelly is Betty (in fact, she's a TOTAL Betty), the girl who grew up alongside our Bruce and followed him into the scientific scene. Together they're developing some sort of healing treatment that makes gashes in the sides of frogs heal really quickly. Until they blow up, of course. Slight side effect issue there, but nothing that couldn't be explained away with a few TV commercials compelling you to 'ask your doctor whether the Green Pill is right for you.'

But the Army is the Army, and when Bruce and Betty's experimental fun starts looking promising, they send in the corporate assholes to take over so that the technology can be sold to third world farmers all over the world by Monsanto.

Okay, so I'm only partially telling the truth, but the story here is so standard and blah, trust me, what I'm giving you is totally more entertaining, and even realistic if you keep up with the news.

But let's skip the details and get to the meat. Eric Bana should never play an American character - ever. Bana fell ass backwards into the Hollywood big time by starring in the criminally underseen Chopper while making a decent living as a stand-up comedian in Australia. In Chopper, playing a character that he understands and shares an accent with, Bana is unbelievable. Impeccable. Outstanding.

But playing an American, he sounds like the lead singer of Roxette pretending to be from Louisiana. He sounds like Stuart Mackenzie from So I Married an Axe Murderer pretending he's Italian. He sounds like Arnold Schwarzenegger reading the poetry of Keats. Are you following?

But to be fair, the screenwriting in Hulk is abominable. That may be barely surprising when you learn that a writer from the Crow: Stairway to Heaven TV series (John Turman) joined the scribe of Cliffhanger (Michael France) to pen the vast majority of the piece. Of course, Lee brought in his old faithful pen-man, James Schamus, to try to make the save, but you can't make lemonade out of nothing but lemons.

Hulk is, for the most part, equal parts boring, stunning, disappointing and compelling. The cast are as drab and uneven as any superhero cast have been since Jim Carrey and Tommy Lee Jones went at it with Batman, the story plods along at a snails pace before shifting right into fifth and hitting you with action scene after action scene, and the climax of the whole thing is a study in futility.

What does work, at least for me, is the CGI. Sure, Hulk bounces along like his legs are filled with helium, but I can allow my suspension of disbelief to go there more than I can watch a supposedly blind Ben Affleck freefalling off a skyscraper and landing on his feet. For the most part, when Hulk smash, me there with him. When Hulk throw tank, me there with him. When Hulk stop smashing and stare into Jen Connelly's eyes, me staring too. And when Hulk wonders why everyone is trying to get all up in his shit, me wonder too.

Not only are these characters poorly portrayed, they're among the least intelligent you'll ever see. J-Conn's Betty just doesn't seem to get it that her father can't be trusted, no matter how many times he lies to her, locks up her boyfriend and tries to kill him. I guess she knows daddy is just trying to protect his little girl, but give me strength! As George Bush Jr said so famously, "Fool me once, more fool me. Fool me twice... well.. uh... You're not gonna fool me again, okay?"

Ang Lee spent a lot of money making a film that doesn't really connect with many of the target audience here, and while I'll credit him for trying, he broke the first rule of responsible blockbuster filmmaking; he promised more than could be delivered - at least with a tight summer release date riding him the whole way. Rent it, fast forward through the first forty minutes, and enjoy the rest. Well, except the last ten minutes... okay, maybe give it a miss.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=7638&reviewer=1
originally posted: 01/05/04 14:56:29
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User Comments

10/24/14 Jack Hello good day <a href=" ">bimatoprost ophthalmic solution 0.03 amazon</a> James Denaro, 4 stars
9/02/14 Jeff You've got to admit, the music was good 2 stars
7/29/14 rvvxvhkkmvi USA 3 stars
8/28/12 roscoe ok, but way too drawn out and not nearly enough action. too much story 3 stars
9/28/11 Dr.Lao What the $#@! did I just watch? 2 stars
7/02/09 Jonathan Birch Excellent SF and well thought out characterization of the Hulk. Poor father/son conflict. 4 stars
6/01/09 Jeff Wilder Ang Lee is a talented director. But comic book/art film hybrids tend to be unsuccessful, 2 stars
10/18/08 AshleyRockO Not bad. But save the story stuff for a more interesting Comic character like Batman. 3 stars
8/21/08 Shaun Wallner Great Action!! 4 stars
6/13/08 David V Just was too long and boring for a superhero movie. 2 stars
6/05/08 Che Great Movie!!!! 5 stars
5/18/08 PAUL SHORTT WATCHABLE 3 stars
3/20/07 dude good movie 4 stars
2/17/07 Vip Ebriega I don't know about you, but I hate it. 2 stars
12/29/06 del Stooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooopid!!! 1 stars
10/21/06 Tanya Grays They should have used Lou ferrigno instead of special effects 2 stars
10/13/06 David Pollastrini not horrible 3 stars
10/12/06 Bob Not Bad 3 stars
9/18/06 kliz super boring movie! 1 stars
8/09/06 Dragon The Artist The ending was a bit perplexing, & it dragged slightly, but it was a good popcorn flick. 3 stars
7/30/06 Ray Ozi Giant green shit onscreen 1 stars
5/11/06 JM Synth Ambitious, Intelligent and Very Boring 2 stars
5/05/06 Cuenzie Wunzie Had good bits but paper moments. 6.6 / 10 4 stars
2/21/06 Striker garbage in the screen 1 stars
1/21/06 Mark Radburn I'm disappointed, I'd rather watch another CG movie than this gay shit movie 1 stars
12/15/05 R.W.Welch Big budget stuff, but in the end it's still a comic strip. 3 stars
12/09/05 bullit16 Wow ... wow ... it just ... sucks ... on SO many levels. 1 stars
11/21/05 Anthony G Good 4 stars
10/19/05 Quigley one of the biggest wastes of awesome CG I've ever seen. totally stupid movie 1 stars
9/28/05 peter u rull 1 stars
9/22/05 VMANIC1 Will have you asking yourself, " When will this movie end?", Very BORING 2 stars
9/21/05 Jonathon Holmes this movie sucks ass 1 stars
8/11/05 ES Wow! Ang Lee no my least favourite director. Way to blow it big guy! 1 stars
8/01/05 Daniel Trembath durka durka durka i h8 deoderant 5 stars
7/24/05 Carolyn Rathburn good rendition of this classic dark side tail 4 stars
7/19/05 Brandy Harrington This movie sucks, very stupid plot. 1 stars
7/14/05 RJ Newbold Not a great adaptation but definitely a fun attempt 4 stars
7/11/05 Brian Feiler Too many computer generated effects actually detract from a good storyline. 3 stars
7/09/05 Moctezuma The Hulk looked like a cartoon instead of a CGI character 2 stars
7/08/05 Khedron Frank I don't care, I loved it 5 stars
7/05/05 Charlene Javier Ang Lee disappoints. 2 stars
7/03/05 Quigley makes spider-man 2 look like an oscar winner. ang lee needs to stop assaulting us with crap 1 stars
6/17/05 Kristina Williams took itself way too seriously 1 stars
6/10/05 Rock-Steady I love me a big green man! 1 stars
5/19/05 Total Crap Total crap 1 stars
5/01/05 Anthony G it was ok, could of been worse, 8mile for example? 4 stars
4/10/05 Feliciano ELI, screw you man 5 stars
3/03/05 jeff good special effects, drags, slow, lack of action!!! 4 stars
2/10/05 Feliciano back once & again 5 stars
2/09/05 Jeff Anderson What a big letdown! Sincere enough performances by Bana & Connelly can't save it. A SHAME!! 2 stars
12/09/04 ELI Worse than Gigli 1 stars
11/16/04 Dunce Tries so hard and fails even harder. I couldn't wait for it to end. Oh the pain. 1 stars
9/24/04 Agent Sands Underrated. Very inventive and enjoyable. 1st time I've heard Nolte with his throat clear. 4 stars
9/18/04 Joe Shants Would have been better if they had followed the comic instead of ripping off The Fly 2 1 stars
8/16/04 tatum A lot more entertaining than standard comic books onscreen 4 stars
8/02/04 Daveman Infinitely more unique and interesting than any other comic book film to date, quit whining 4 stars
8/02/04 Anthony G this movie sucks, very dumb plot 2 stars
7/02/04 Johnny Fay More un creative crap by hollywood...no where near as good as the Spiderman movie's 2 stars
6/11/04 Kevin Farkas CGI overdose! Why!?...I wanna know why!? So bad! 1 stars
5/17/04 Slappy Terrible film, almost as bad as the original Dawn of the Dead 1 stars
5/17/04 Samuel It was a decent movie all in all. I liked the ending very well. 3 stars
5/13/04 Me NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 1 stars
5/12/04 The More You Know story goes all over the map, but Ang Lee creates smart fun. 4 stars
4/27/04 Daniel Bennison i love a big muscly man! 5 stars
4/26/04 Lord Jiggy Bana wasn't bad, movie was terrible. 2 stars
4/26/04 Denise Duspiva I liked Nick Nolte 4 stars
3/29/04 true review - correct review every time comic book Hulk is amazing, this movie has NOTHING to do with the comic book 1 stars
3/06/04 Joe Uglick This Movie Is HORIBLE 1 stars
2/24/04 frade-granger average in every way, missable 3 stars
2/10/04 HorrorScribbler Pretty good. Comic-bookie split screens annoying. Final battle kinda mystifying. 4 stars
2/08/04 Nixon what a SHIT movie. he doesnt even become hulk until like an hour! and j-co has a uni-brow 1 stars
1/26/04 American Slasher Goddess A dull and boring comicbook adapation. 1 stars
1/12/04 Nucleo A brilliant preformance by Jennifer Connelly's rack. 1 stars
12/14/03 stanley you know what's stronger than the hulk? the elastic band on his purple shorts..... 1 stars
12/08/03 Eloise boring, crappy, didnt like T3 or X-men2 either.zero stars. 1 stars
11/27/03 John worse than bad - the digital Hulk is ridiculous 1 stars
11/23/03 ozzy torch this fucking movie 1 stars
11/17/03 Dempster ... 1 stars
11/14/03 snowconehead Decent, but a little too deep in context 4 stars
11/10/03 alisha Were we watching the same movie?!? I liked this movie and think it has gotten a bad rap. 4 stars
11/09/03 I Would You morons. This kicked the crap out of X2 and Terminator 3. Why does everyone hate it? 4 stars
10/31/03 JohnnyXXX Boring, disturing, wannabe Batman Returns but didn't quite make it 2 stars
10/29/03 Killer Miller WORST MOVIE EVER so boring man it was torture! 1 stars
10/24/03 MIC Awful. Incoherent. Poodle monsters that understand English? Huge jellyfish? Magis pants? 1 stars
10/18/03 Hung Weil Lo Close to being the worst movie I have seen in 2003 1 stars
10/09/03 horror_blood Good, worth a look, but nothing can beat Spiderman when it comes to Marvel movies. 4 stars
10/08/03 Erik Van Sant Exciting at times...way too thoughtful at others...Nick Nolte looks like a drunken hobo. 4 stars
9/27/03 Donna Gelpigi the Hulk should be the Green Party candidate for Governor! 3 stars
9/26/03 The Quirkfetch Kid Jennifer Connelly again plays wife of troubled scientist; but this time it's just screwy. 3 stars
9/21/03 CAT BLUES it was okay.....i guess i liked the effects in all 3 stars
9/04/03 ChanceHead This was a green lump of shit that popped out of ang lees asshole! Fuck you Hulk! 1 stars
9/03/03 Shelley I thought the movie was great, i only went to go and see it because i had to but i liked it 4 stars
9/02/03 INCU What??? 6.2 at imdb.com, Worth A Look here??? This is the shittiest movie I've ever seen 1 stars
8/25/03 Laurian Diaconescu Hulk generally looks fake, but the story is pretty good, so is the soundtrack. 4 stars
8/18/03 palaboy101 Ang Lee took it too seroiusly, but added comic strip-style screens? what da? 4 stars
8/09/03 Ravi Madapati Hulk Kicks Ass 5 stars
8/06/03 Andrea I have one thing to say.....I WANT MY MONEY BACK! 1 stars
8/05/03 jonah boring dialogue. Great action sequences though. 3 stars
8/04/03 Joman Daredevil plus Terms of Endearment equals Crap 1 stars
8/02/03 I Would Good characterisation, good performances, cool CGI, where's the plot? 3 stars
7/21/03 Dee Geez! I thought something was wrong with ME! Horribe CGI, camera tricks and boring dialogue 1 stars
7/18/03 Jon Lyrik Decent, but a lot of the artistry falls flat. 3 stars
7/17/03 Nate Did anyone else notice the Hulk went from southern california to Moab Utah in a single jump 3 stars
7/16/03 your worst goddamn nightmare imagine everything that's cool about the Hulk, turning it to shit, then makin' the movie... 1 stars
7/14/03 Vin Diesal Wow he threw a tank!! that's as good as it gets, stupid camera work, no story :( 2 stars
7/14/03 Christian Harding 'Hulk" Rocks! Anyone who hates it must be nuts! 5 stars
7/11/03 Troy Butler Highly underrated, ... much more than just another superhero film!!! 4 stars
7/10/03 30 year Hulk fan The worst version of the Hulk in any medium. James Schamus couldn't write birthday cards. 1 stars
7/10/03 Jason Total POS : eric bana can't act, plot is STUPID, end fight scene is LAME. 1 stars
7/09/03 Bob Stupid, boring, long, gay, ugly, annoying. Stupidest ending ever. 1 stars
7/08/03 Alice I miss the old TV Series... That was what Hulk is all about 3 stars
7/08/03 T. Bizbam best superhero movie yet. Much more memorable than Xmen or Spiderman. 5 stars
7/08/03 Jin Lame 1 stars
7/07/03 Alex Very Very Disappointing, so much too work with but fucked it up!! 3 stars
7/07/03 Jason Wow. I was so impressed. Ang Lee shows once again that he's a force to be reckoned with. 4 stars
7/07/03 Tenlinkoz A great movie 4 stars
7/07/03 thejames What the fuck is with the stupid multi-camera angel shots? 2 stars
7/06/03 Ahnold SUCKED! 1 stars
7/05/03 Jill OK! This flick was TOTALLY overrated! The plot was boring, the grapics sucked..DON'T SEE IT 2 stars
7/04/03 KingNeutron I *knew* it would suck way before it came out. Good parts were J.Connelly and the very end. 2 stars
7/03/03 black leather jacket Biggest Hyped Boring Movie of the Summer!!...who really cares after seeing it? 1 stars
7/03/03 Dan Captured the spirit of the Hulk, but the script could have been reworked. Horrible ending. 3 stars
7/03/03 jada cgi job great, movie a little long 3 stars
7/02/03 your worse goddamn nightmare The plot was too convoluted and banal. A garbage movie except for Jennifer Connelly... 2 stars
7/01/03 Dag good. 4 stars
6/29/03 malcolm dogs looked like that dog in The Mask 3 stars
6/29/03 Micbang Pretty good 5 stars
6/29/03 Tipsy incredibly boring, with a plethora of uncharismatic characters. did bana a disservice. 1 stars
6/29/03 Sanity This movie sucked - no matter who or how many people invested in it. 1 stars
6/29/03 mortified This movie sucked all ass on so many different levels of ass 1 stars
6/29/03 David A. No supervillain, fakey animation, distortion of Hulk's origin! SUCKS BIG TIME ASS 1 stars
6/29/03 Koitus Script "too sketchy" - why did Dad release the dogs? Nuke at the end .. or not? Great CGI 3 stars
6/29/03 Andrew Carden Only Ang Lee Could Turn This Crappy Screenplay Into An Exciting Action Flick. 3 stars
6/28/03 Obi Wan Very good!! Too much plot, should have left that for more action. 5 stars
6/27/03 george mcswank Ang Lee has split-screen brain explosion 1 stars
6/27/03 Frank Habets Punchy poetry! A deft blend of style and substance. 5 stars
6/27/03 john allen spare me the repressed memory crap. Plays like a bad Springer episode 3 stars
6/26/03 jcjs as close to 'total crap' as a flick can get...a waste of actors...painfully slow and bogus. 1 stars
6/26/03 Erin Ang Lee over rated one again. This movie blows. 1 stars
6/26/03 Duckman Too much 1st year psychology in this flick 2 stars
6/26/03 Puny Human In Hulk 2, you people will be complaining about the lack of character development. 5 stars
6/26/03 gray good action way too much filler 2 stars
6/25/03 me frog as ok as a movie can be 3 stars
6/25/03 Baronvonhaha Good movie- horrorable comic movie. They changed Bruce's name. Good if you are a comic fan 4 stars
6/25/03 Jeff Garbage, bad Hulk animation, like I stepped in 1970's bad TV. Ang Lee destroyed a legend. 1 stars
6/25/03 Nessus Didn't like it. The story was too convoluted. Good action sequences, too much filler. 2 stars
6/25/03 Bruce Webster Well done -- would like to see Ang Lee's original cut 4 stars
6/24/03 LoudChris Great build up. Fantastic action. A true stress reliever. 5 stars
6/24/03 Gil Carlson 3 screen writers is a bad sign and it shows in the jumbled story, but you have to check it 4 stars
6/24/03 Shazia Fantastic film...just not a summer one 5 stars
6/24/03 Armando Loved the action and style of the movie!!Hulk is awesome!! 5 stars
6/24/03 Movie Expert The emotion, the artistic imagery all that in a summer movie Wow!! 5 stars
6/23/03 Obi Wan Very Good Adaptation! Ang Lee did it and very catchy camera work!! 5 stars
6/23/03 k oh how retarded... a green man.. yeah sure. 1 stars
6/23/03 SIEGE Great film! I was astonished. 5 stars
6/23/03 Darth Haggis Sucks Nuff Said 1 stars
6/23/03 movie-goer Stunk! Boring as all get out! 2 stars
6/23/03 jawsboy24 Pretty good! Decent CGI, decent acting, good cinematography and direction. Not bad!!!!! 4 stars
6/23/03 Human Shield The style is excellent for a comic book film. The moral is good on its own 5 stars
6/23/03 Proximus Criticed by those with out imagination!!! 5 stars
6/23/03 Dead Ringers FX Rule! This movie was fun. Before I got too bored the Hulk started throwing tanks what fun! 4 stars
6/23/03 Darren Shea The most introspective action film ever,it succeeds by way of inventive direction &good CGI 4 stars
6/23/03 Coolhand We are in a Golden Age for comic bood adaptations - Ang Lee is a genius. 5 stars
6/23/03 Captain Highcrime It's the kind of movie that you'll be able to enjoy after the kids get bored & walk out 4 stars
6/23/03 Hottie I thought this was a GREAT movie and the actors did great also! 5 stars
6/22/03 Jacob Spider-man was like the comics so whoever said Raimi should had thought of this should die! 2 stars
6/22/03 Uncle Salty Lame, cartoony, retarded ending, too long 2 stars
6/22/03 FLiK A little slow in the beginning, but overall pretty good. 4 stars
6/22/03 Mr. Do fuck hulk, fuck this fuckin' commercal fuck site 1 stars
6/22/03 Rrrrrr....HULK MAD!!! I bet Sam Rami saw how Ang Lee directed this and thought, why didn't I think of that? 5 stars
6/22/03 Hulk Yun-Fat Great flick. Ang Lee does it again. Josh Lucas needed more screen time tho. 4 stars
6/22/03 Flounder A good B-movie for parents as well as kids. 4 stars
6/22/03 Titus Needs a villain. Fun, but doesn't quite have its identify figured out. 4 stars
6/22/03 black leather jacket O please...No more hype...this movie sucks all ass 1 stars
6/22/03 Hooters gurl Another hyped movie that falls short of your expectations 3 stars
6/22/03 flyingshrapnel Instead of simple special effect and loud sound track this is a movie has depth and feeling 5 stars
6/22/03 Jack Bourbon One of the funniest death scenes I've ever seen. 4 stars
6/22/03 Jacob Rubinstein Too smart for modern audience.. not for the fast and dumb audience!like fast and the furiou 5 stars
6/21/03 Don This is the best of the new wave of comic book films. It works as drama and action. 5 stars
6/21/03 dredPhul Too much talk, not enough of the Hulk smashing 2 stars
6/21/03 Brian unique direction, but this is worse than daredevil...shame and more shame... 1 stars
6/21/03 MTV is Satan Another bad Marvel adaptation. Stan Lee's genius is being squandered by lazy scriptwriters. 1 stars
6/21/03 Elizaveta almost worth 4 stars, but too long...too painfully artsy. 3 stars
6/21/03 Joseph Gibson Best Comic book story told on screen 5 stars
6/21/03 Darth Haggis This movie Sucked!!! Watched the peoples faces coming out of the theater before you see it 1 stars
6/21/03 zach i fell asleep since i was so bored.. 2 stars
6/21/03 Vicious Excellent, unique direction with a solid story, cast, and great action. 5 stars
6/21/03 Ayatolla of Rockinrolla Worst Movie of the Year 1 stars
6/21/03 Daedalus Redeems the genre from DareDevil...almost. Still a damn good flick. 5 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  20-Jun-2003 (PG-13)
  DVD: 28-Oct-2003

UK
  N/A

Australia
  26-Jun-2003


Directed by
  Ang Lee

Written by
  Michael France
  James Schamus
  John Turman

Cast
  Eric Bana
  Jennifer Connelly
  Sam Elliott
  Josh Lucas
  Nick Nolte
  Brooke Langton



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