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Overall Rating
2.07

Awesome: 6.67%
Worth A Look: 13.33%
Average: 10%
Pretty Bad: 20%
Total Crap50%

1 review, 24 user ratings



Cobra
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by Slyder

"For Christ sake Sly, fuck off with your moronic action crapfests"
1 stars

Oh gee, here we go again, like if Stallone didnít learn a damn thing on how shitty his previous films were, yet he has to do another crap-ass action flick like this one which is as fucked-up as his previous efforts

A gang of wacky cultists headed by Brian Thompson kill people because thatís how their cult-o-fun goes. Hot babe (Bridgitte Nielsen, then Mrs. Stallone) witnesses it, they must kill her or their New World will be doomed. Not if they get by tough motherfucker Cobra (Stallone) they can.

Completely devoid of any logic whatsoever and armed with a plot so moronic that even a script written by 8 year old autistic retard is more fun than this shit, and a bunch of action scenes that are as mindless and as stupid as the plot itself. It's like a Dirty Harry wannabe minus the cool and intelligence or wit.

Stallone is laughable and continues his streak of lethargic performances; Bridgitte Nielsen has great breasts and butt and looked very hot (at least until she shortened her hair, now she looks like a fucking man/beast with breasts) but canít act worth a damn. Brian Thompson is also a fucking block of wood, and his stint at the X Files proved he was better suited for TV. An even bigger downer is seeing a potential talent like Reni Santoni whom first I saw in Dirty Harry being forever typecast as the heroís sidekick, heís given nothing to do.

In the end, avoid this film at all costs. Truly one of the worst piles of garbage ever made. This film was such a fucking mindless and completely atrocious sack of shit no wonder Stallone ended up where he is now. 0-5

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=7816&reviewer=235
originally posted: 10/15/04 07:36:14
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User Comments

4/12/14 PAUL SHORTT STUPID IMITATION OF DIRTY HARRY DESPITE GOOD ACTION SEQUENCES 1 stars
7/24/10 bagwell5 A guilty 80's pleasure. Good opening. Dumb villians. High body count. I watch it every year 2 stars
7/10/09 Simon Cutmore "autistic retard"? Who the fuck do you think you are? You "review" sucks, also. 2 stars
3/15/09 blah blah classic 80s corn fest 4 stars
4/04/07 Sugarfoot Total camp. This is what happens when a movie is so terrible you just love it. 3 stars
8/01/06 David Cohen Cop with no personality tracks terrorists with no motive; no reason to watch 1 stars
7/19/06 Eli Small I don't know what you guys are talking about........I liked it 4 stars
5/20/06 ALDO Classic!!! 5 stars
2/09/06 Mother fucker I remmember watching this movie when i was 9 years old, this movie was the shit! 5 stars
12/08/05 JM Synth Very tacky (i.e. I love it). The openning scene is a classic! 4 stars
8/28/05 D Buckley I have never cut my pizza with scissors. 1 stars
7/29/05 tony fucking shit. im sick of this guy now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
5/15/05 Indrid Cold Rarely are movies truly unwatchable, this is one of them. 1 stars
11/22/04 gerbilerba this movie makes my sack tingle. that's because I want to spray hot urine on it. 2 stars
10/19/04 Al Guy Stupid. A cookie cutter effort. 2 stars
5/12/04 John how NOT to do an action movie 1 stars
9/29/03 JohnnyXXX what do you expect? Great action movies are always dumb. 3 stars
8/31/03 Arch-vile COBRA SUCKS!!! I wanna write it in the sky! 1 stars
8/17/03 Sam Moszynski No story at all, but good action scene's make it fun. 3 stars
7/11/03 Monster W. Kung A ridiculous piece of trash, whoever says it's decent ought to be ashamed of himself. 1 stars
6/17/03 y2mckay A definitive 80's crapfest. A few moments of OK action, but all else sucks, esp Nielsen 2 stars
6/14/03 mr. Pink Horrible extreme right-wing propaganda. Stallone's career in 90s backslid and rightly so 1 stars
6/12/03 Jack Sommersby Totally implausible but wildly entertaining stuff. Excellent action. 4 stars
6/10/03 Charles Tatum Excellent action scenes killed by dum-dum script 2 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  23-May-1986 (R)

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