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Overall Rating

Awesome: 6.71%
Worth A Look: 2.68%
Average: 1.34%
Pretty Bad: 0.67%
Total Crap88.59%

2 reviews, 137 user ratings

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From Justin to Kelly
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by EricDSnider

"As dreadful a movie as you can imagine. And it's a musical!"
1 stars

You see everything Hollywood produces, you see a lot of bad movies. Hollywood produces bad movies the way plants produce carbon dioxide. But with most bad movies, you can tell they at least sounded like good ideas at one point, perhaps very early on, and were simply mishandled. Or you get the feeling that, even if the premise was lame, in the hands of the right director, writer or star, it could have been salvaged.

So it is with some interest that we observe "From Justin to Kelly," a film that everyone knew would be bad from the very moment it was announced. "Let's take the two top winners on 'American Idol' -- two individuals who have never expressed an interest in nor talent for acting -- and put them in a film together!" went the pitch. And immediately, all sentient beings within earshot knew that, as sure as the sun hangs in the sky, it would be a bad movie.

There was no way it could have been otherwise. The notion behind it is as contrived, forced, manipulated and fake as any film ever made. Star vehicles -- films produced because a star was available, not because someone had a good idea for a story -- are loathsome enough. And this is a star vehicle that doesn't even have any stars in it.

Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini do not play themselves, although their characters are named Kelly and Justin, and they do come from their real-life home states of Texas and Pennsylvania, respectively. And Kelly is a would-be singer, and Justin does like to dance. OK, so maybe they are playing themselves. Does it matter? I mean, how would you know? If a piece of white bread lies on a counter and doesn't do anything, is it playing itself, or is it playing a fictional slice of bread that happens to resemble itself?

At any rate, Kelly and Justin are strangers who converge on South Florida with their friends for spring break. One does not get the impression any of the six attend school, so I am uncertain what they are taking a spring break FROM; nonetheless, they arrive ready for a week of tame, PG-rated debauchery.

Kelly's friends are Kaya (Anika Noni Rose), who is African-American and mildly intelligent, and Alexa (Katherine Bailess), who is blond and, it is implied, would have sex with a walrus if it bought her a drink first. Kelly is the "prude" among them, complaining often about the way women are degraded at spring break in Florida. Still, she reasons, it is better than serving drinks to cowboys, which is what she does for a living back in Texas.

Justin's friends are Brandon (Greg Siff), who couldn't be more of a tool if he tried, and Eddie (Brian Dietzen), who is an incurable nerd, indicated by his wearing glasses and using sunscreen. Brandon and Justin have a business that sponsors beach parties, yet they are unaware that having a beach party requires getting an event permit first. Eddie is tagging along because he plans to meet for the first time a woman he's chatted online with for a year.

In a jarring development, the film becomes a musical when, 10 minutes into it, everyone begins singing and dancing on the beach. Like every song in the film, even this number's subject matter is unmemorable. I jotted in my notepad, however, that terms such as "rock," "party," "have fun" and "love" were used liberally, each in context meaning "have sex." The word "sex" is never used, nor is actual sexual activity implied, nor does anyone even drink very much. This is all to preserve the PG rating, thus ensuring anyone who might possibly want to see their "American Idol" friends in a film will be free to do so.

So instead of having sex, the characters merely dance as if they're going to, right there in the sand, even though they are strangers. This is how Justin and Kelly meet -- I believe it is their pelvises that are actually introduced first, followed by their loins, and then their hands. Eventually, their faces address one another, but they are busy lip-synching a generic pop anthem, so I don't know what kind of impact they could have had.

Apparently it was great, though, because after that chance encounter, both hope to meet up again. They do so, in a women's restroom. (Don't ask.) Kelly gives Justin her number, but he loses it immediately -- literally, within two seconds of receiving it -- and is too stupid, I guess, to ask her for it again, even though she's still standing about 10 feet away. This opens the door for Kelly's evil friend Alexa to sabotage the blossoming romance so that she can have Justin for herself, presumably so that she can bite off his head and devour him like the human-sized cricket she is.

Later, Kelly's non-boyfriend from back home shows up, and within one minute of screen time, he and Justin are in a hovercraft race to win Kelly's heart. Meanwhile, Kaya meets a Cuban fellow who works in a restaurant, and Brandon keeps having run-ins with a pretty beach cop, and Eddie does a lot of stupid nerdy crap. And through it all, they occasionally sing, backed up by whichever good-looking extras were standing around at the time.

No one is a bigger fan of musicals than I am, but I have never had a harder time suspending my disbelief in people spontaneously breaking into song than I did here. Perhaps it is because each time someone sings, there is no REASON for it, and when they do sing, they don't SAY anything. And the songs themselves are unoriginal and bland.

The director is Robert Iscove, who has two Freddie Prinze Jr. films under his belt. The writer is Kim Fuller, who brought us "Spice World." Kelly and Justin are approximately as likable as they were on "American Idol," but predictably have absolutely no chemistry as a romantic couple, and very little screen presence when they are not standing on a stage, singing.

Imagine "MTV Beach House: The Movie" and you've got "From Justin to Kelly." Add up every person who appears in the film, including the extras, and you will find zero percent body fat and not a single unattractive face. It is a sand-encrusted tribute to chaste heterosexuality, a witless, unwatchable affront to all that is creative and clever in the world. What's worse, everyone involved surely knew it would be this bad from the moment it began. Shame on them all.

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originally posted: 06/23/03 10:17:44
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User Comments

2/20/15 Chris Jarmick Jaw dropping awful and very entertaining G rated Springbreak romantic-comedy-musical. 4 stars
9/04/13 Meghan Malicoat They should have left this one alone 1 stars
9/22/12 Quigley Not one of the worst films ever made, but easily the worst musical ever made. 1 stars
1/09/09 alexis m this movie rock 5 stars
6/17/08 Jenn This trash should be used in interrogation rooms. 1 stars
2/02/07 Colleen Is there anyone above the age of 14 who enjoyed this? 1 stars
10/26/06 Joe Just when you think Hollywood can't sink any lower, they pull this rabbit out of their hat. 1 stars
10/23/06 WTF I saw this on HBO. I wanted to BREAK my TV!!! 1 stars
10/17/06 Nikki it was great and i loved it 5 stars
8/14/06 Sharon this movie was to easy to follow and it wasnt boring they just cant act 1 stars
7/30/06 Ryan_A Clarkson's as cute as a button but has the personality to match. Movie's beyond atrocious. 1 stars
6/06/06 Jill I think it was a pretty good movie!! 4 stars
2/11/06 Anthony Hey Justin get over it, kelly won american idol 1 stars
10/27/05 funkmaster this was worse than raise your voice 1 stars
10/24/05 Total Crap This Movie is gay. Acting is crap. Buy it and give it to someone you hate. 1 stars
10/19/05 Kurt If there was a rating called sucks-sucks-sucks-sucks-sucks-sucks I'd vote for it 1 stars
10/15/05 Lor of course it was light, the writer wasn't smart enough to write anything deep 1 stars
10/13/05 caitlin louise foard i relly enjoyed this film it was light and easy to follow 5 stars
9/21/05 Laine Buy the DVD - it makes a great Frisbee! 1 stars
9/08/05 paki_munda god this was terrible 1 stars
9/06/05 al ya think may b they use this thing for anger management training??? 1 stars
8/04/05 matt my gf dragged me to see it and i felt like i wasted precious hours of my life 1 stars
7/24/05 Duffyboy666 From bad to atrocious. AVOID! AVOID! 2 stars
7/06/05 Audrey This movie has more cheese than a box of Kraft Dinner! DON'T SEE IT! 1 stars
7/03/05 raven why has god tortured the american public with this drivel? why?????????? 1 stars
7/02/05 Pandora Awsome, in the opinion of someone who wouldn't know a good movie if it bit them in the ass. 1 stars
7/01/05 Vic This was worse than American Idol 1 stars
6/21/05 kel i'm ashamed to share a first name with this FREAK 1 stars
6/02/05 tatum I hope everyone involved enjoys their eternity in HELL 1 stars
5/29/05 Ellen i thought it was good but it would of been better if there weren as much singing n alite by 3 stars
5/26/05 someone Sucks across the board, that should be answer enough. 1 stars
5/25/05 Jake pure crap from beginning to end 1 stars
5/22/05 petra YAK! i seriosly wanted 2 puke after seein this 1 stars
5/19/05 me awful kely clarkson sux and so does justine gareeni 1 stars
5/08/05 Daph HORRIBLE! worst movie I've ever seen! whatever you do don't see it!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
4/30/05 Laine Why are these two acting? Why aren't they valet parking like good little has-beens? 1 stars
4/28/05 Braden WORST. MOVIE. EVER. 1 stars
4/21/05 Riviera Don't see this. Just don't. I can't even begin to describe all the reasons why. 1 stars
4/13/05 Charlotte Easily the most pathetic movie in the world. Go see The Aviator instead of this CRAP. 1 stars
4/05/05 Madeira Perky, disjointed, and downright moronic. Kelly should have stuck with waitressing. 1 stars
3/06/05 patricia AWESOME 5 stars
2/07/05 ELI Not the WORST movie of all time... Probably the stupidest 1 stars
12/27/04 mjoc ???????????????????????????? 1 stars
12/22/04 Holly Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty! 1 stars
8/31/04 samantha it is Awesome 5 stars
7/25/04 Katie ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE!!! This is one of the worst movies I have EVER SEEN! 1 stars
7/22/04 Cecilia Corona I really liked the music and the words the song 5 stars
7/17/04 Joe Stupidly Self-absorbed and ultimately meaningless these two can't act at all 1 stars
7/04/04 Lex What more can I say? KILL 1 stars
6/30/04 Mara It's the best but Alexa is sortave a brat 5 stars
6/20/04 Spiderfan50 If these were our "Ameican Idols", the good 'ol USA is in BIG trouble! 1 stars
6/08/04 Chris Make It Stop Oh God Make It Fucking Stop 1 stars
5/31/04 Rico The only time this movie is good is when it's lying in a trash can and being burned! 1 stars
5/27/04 Drew Harris I think the movie was great. It was a good movie! 5 stars
4/19/04 Nori Why is this called a MOVIE review? I mean it's not even a movie! 1 stars
4/09/04 joe there shouldnt be an awsome rating for this...try making another sux rating...ha ha ha ha 1 stars
4/02/04 janet turn off the suck! 1 stars
3/31/04 Chelsea THIS IS A TOTAL PIECE OF TRASH!!! I can't believe people actually liked it! 1 stars
3/29/04 Kay Truly terrifying. It made no sense at all and the acting sucked. 1 stars
3/29/04 G We think it's crap 'cuz it is. And we don't care either. 1 stars
3/27/04 Melissa Gaugert Dare I say BRITNEY is a better actor than these dorks! :-P 1 stars
3/27/04 Gretchen sappy, boring, sickeningly sweet 1 stars
3/22/04 jon id rather watch celebrity midget mud wrestling than this 1 stars
3/22/04 susan lee pure crap. one of the worst "musicals" 1 stars
3/21/04 kris awful, horrible, terrible, sickening, bad, nasty, whatever! 1 stars
3/18/04 Dan Even Mary Kate and Ashley could have done better than Kelly! 1 stars
3/16/04 shady most loathsome movie ever 1 stars
3/15/04 Kari People only like it cuz Kelly and Justin are in it, not because it's good. Which it isn't. 1 stars
3/14/04 randi the most schizo "movie" i've ever seen...what were the writers on again? 1 stars
3/08/04 Ann I just think it's funny that this piece of crap is already in the $5.50 DVD bin at Walmart. 1 stars
2/22/04 scott hated it!!! 1 stars
2/13/04 liz noone rated it pretty crappy yet...why? cuz it sucks 2 much!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
2/11/04 Matt The people who wrote this "movie" were on something. I'm sure of it. 1 stars
2/10/04 steve a movie ticket: five dollars. hospital care for those who liked this: priceless. 1 stars
2/04/04 Sugarfoot Funny for all the wrong reasons! 1 stars
2/02/04 Ally What's with all these good reviews? Is this world getting dumber or what? 1 stars
1/29/04 Ali Zzzzzzz . . . what? This is a movie? Oh, I thought it was an infomercial. Zzzzzzz . . . 1 stars
1/28/04 Jake Redundant and stupid are the two words that best describe this movie 1 stars
1/21/04 brandy yes it does deserve a look- a look of disgust! 1 stars
1/06/04 George was whatever but no BADDDD!! 4 stars
1/04/04 Katy HORRIBLE!!! That's the only way it can be described! HORRIBLE!!! 1 stars
12/08/03 lilcutie a great film 5 stars
11/05/03 kana let's keep these bad reviews coming people! 1 stars
10/19/03 Jay IT'S NOT 1 stars
10/15/03 Monica IT'S GOOD 5 stars
10/03/03 Arlene Two words: Yeah. Right. 1 stars
9/26/03 Vanessa Haters, unite! It's time we put an end to the horseshit that is From Justin To Hell. 1 stars
9/23/03 Lisa Sweet mother of fuck. This movie really sucked. 1 stars
9/22/03 Jen Sanity levels are dropping at faster rates than ever. 'Nuff said. 1 stars
9/19/03 Mark86 Almost as bad as gigli... 1 stars
9/09/03 Sugarfoot I dare anyone to see this and Cool As Ice and keep a straight face. Can't do it. 1 stars
8/26/03 Maria Sounds like a Shitty Movie!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
8/21/03 greensweater the putz Beatdown of the Century!!! This movie sucks!!!!!!! 1 stars
8/18/03 fhfghfghfg This is the worst movie ever!!!!! Anyone who gives this higher than 1 star should be shot. 1 stars
8/15/03 Jiz I hate this movie!!! It was fucking awful!!! Dumped my GF after watching this shit. 1 stars
8/06/03 Collin The Worst Movie That I've Evere Seen, And I've Seen All The Friday The 13th Films 1 stars
8/03/03 Matt This movie sucked! 1 stars
8/01/03 Stephanie Throckmorton Makes THE REAL CANCUN look deep. But at least there's a bit of a plot here. 3 stars
7/29/03 Nelson Does Justin even like girls? It would have been more believable as "From Justin to Fred". 1 stars
7/21/03 George Jung It's amazing how bad this movie is. Jack Sommersby sucks! 1 stars
7/18/03 Hottie bad bad bad 1 stars
7/16/03 Danielle Ophelia (Haven't seen it; never will) "One for From Justin to Kelly"--People actually said that? God. Don't feed the turkeys! 1 stars
7/16/03 Grizzly Jones Justin is as girlish as they come.... loser 1 stars
7/13/03 nick g i stank like helll i hate those to dork kelly and justin stink like ben affalck or how ever 1 stars
7/09/03 Uncle Salty From Horseshit to something incredibly worse. 1 stars
7/07/03 jezzika kelly clarkson should have never won american a-hole 1 stars
7/06/03 Shawn Franks It was stupid Kelly Clarkson is fine though, I think Justin Guarini is gay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
7/04/03 Jana Lame 1 stars
7/03/03 John Linton Roberson You have to be kidding me--oh HA HA HA HA barf. 1 stars
7/03/03 Colin Makes the Misadventures Of Jason Vorhees Look Like Shakesphere 1 stars
7/02/03 Mr. Kelly Clarkson The movie was worse than Baby Geniuses and Santa with Muscles 1 stars
7/02/03 James Stephens Makes "The Pirate Movie" look like "Moulin Rouge." 1 stars
6/29/03 Andrew Carden Even Die-Hard AI Fans Won't Enjoy This Mindless, Contrived Mess. 1 stars
6/29/03 Ha ha ha ha ha you CUNTS only got 2.9 million on first WEEK! Maybe the rapid sinking of this turd will take studios' minds off "reality" SHIT. 1 stars
6/28/03 Q It burns... it burns... 1 stars
6/28/03 Atanu These cretins should go boil their heads. 1 stars
6/27/03 jezzika american a-hole bitch sucks ass,a horrible amateur 1 stars
6/27/03 E-Rock Casey, you need your head examined. The last time I checked, Pop music wasn't "So Cool" 1 stars
6/27/03 Justin Zafag Jeeeeeeze this sucked. 1 stars
6/26/03 dave no insults can do this movie justice 1 stars
6/26/03 Corrine Lafitte I was dragged into by a friend of mine. I had to leave 15 mins, into the movie to puke. 1 stars
6/26/03 raven I want my money back 1 stars
6/25/03 hossny raslan 1 stars
6/25/03 tetertertr Scariest Movie Of All-Time. It gives me nightmares. The singing and the acting is so scary! 1 stars
6/25/03 sbe it sucked bad never pay to see this movie 1 stars
6/24/03 Jin a new low for Hollywood. 1 stars
6/23/03 Angry Black Man Clay and Ruben's gay boi love scenes will be hotter!! 1 stars
6/23/03 Captain Highcrime Al Quaeda, are you watching? Do you need some addresses? 1 stars
6/22/03 Linda was better than I expected. K and J did a good job acting, but Kellys voice makes the movie 4 stars
6/22/03 Ken Anyone who pays to see this should be beaten to death with a blunt object. 1 stars
6/21/03 bullit16 You'll love it if you like Idol. And you're 15. And a girl. And a fucking sheep. 1 stars
6/21/03 skippy loved it! My favorite part was when Justin stopped mid-song and fucked Kelly in the ass!!! 1 stars
6/20/03 Jacko Bob This movie Sucked 1 stars
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  20-Jun-2003 (PG)
  DVD: 26-Aug-2003



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